BlanketyBlog

Ehhh.....

2009-08-12T22:50:00.004-05:00

Things suck. The country's gone to shit, it's too damn hot, the Brewers are fucking hopeless....is there anything good that can happen to me in this insane time?

A little. My older sister is tying the knot in a matter of days. I'm going to be an aunt for the fifth time in September. My little godson turns one next month. My oldest nephew starts high school. Turd Boy has a job that will help him put his engineering degree to good use.

As for me? Well, I've gone nuts buying various DVDs of me likeys. I got the entire Monty Python's Flying Circus and a whole asston of TV shows. The run of South Park that aired in the spring was all sorts of fucking awesome. The Jonas Bros. episode, with its depiction of Mickey Mouse, was probably the funniest damn thing I've seen in years....bay-bay!

I got into NCIS on a more regular basis thanks to USA reruns, and being quite bored with American Idol for the first time. Quite possibly the best ensemble cast on TV, especially now that half the CSI cast is gone. Lawrence Fishburne's OK, but everytime I see him on TV all I can think of is Cowboy Curtis.

And Hell's Kitchen still owns. And Top Gear is still the most manly awesome show......IN THE WORLD!! And I can't wait for the big changeover between Doctors Ten and Eleven later this year. And there's more South Park to be had in the fall. Yay!

I see they're showing one of the Connery Bond films now, so I'll sign off. I might pop by later with some more stuff.

I'm Not Dead!

2009-08-09T20:29:00.003-05:00

Hello, children...do you remember me?

God, have I let this blog sit here and collect dust or what? A casualty of real life, I suppose. So much stuff has gone on that I just didn't have time to put random bits and bobs of useless crap until I forgot about this blog entirely.

Hopefully for the next few days or so I can update this with more random bits and bobs of useless crap. Training camps have started, which means the inevitable Toilet Bowl will be revived. I think we're going to have a repeat champion in those hapless Lions.

So, anyways, sorry about not posting. See all of you later.

I'm Not Dead Yet!!

2009-01-25T23:11:00.002-06:00

Here I is, still posting. I guess I need to do this more since I don't have a clue who's spying on this blog and reporting to the "secret police."

Yeah, Christmas was good. Somehow was able to stay up long enough to see 2008 end and the beginning of the end begin. Yeah, that made a lot of sense.

I've been a bit busy again. Work, catechism, helping babysit...and to let you in on a little secret, Mr. Stork may be on his way again for one of my sibs this year.

Err, looks like an interesting Super Bowl. I don't know who to root for, though. Was utterly shocked when Denver canned Shanny after the season. I'm not sure if this McDaniels dude will be all that great, even if he was the Patriots' offensive coordinator. Look at Charlie Weis...he was a Patriots offensive coordinator, and look how far that's gotten Notre Dame. Oh well, could be worse...look at the Lions.

Other than that, I haven't much more to say. I'll have to shake off the rust and update this lil' blog more frequently. More YouTube searchery, perhaps.

So until that time, take it easy and keep warm if you're freezing your ass.

Here's Your BlanketyBlog Christmas Card!

2008-12-20T21:15:00.003-06:00

Sorry for the lack of updates. Turned 26 on December 9th, and spent several days celebrating the transition of one family member. He's no longer referred to as Turd Boy...He's now Turd Boy, College Graduate. Ah, I still call him Turd Boy for short.

And did I mention the stork paid a visit in September? Little guy will be three months on Christmas Eve.

There's no song list this year, as there really haven't been any new songs I've taken a fancy to, other than "Fairytale of New York," available on YouTube. Bless the Irish.

So here's a special Christmas Card for you...THE "BLOWING SHIT UP" CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!!

Richard Hammond gets into the holiday spirit by seeing what you can do if Santa gets stuck in your chimmeny...

And because he can, he decides to find out what happens if you stick your Christmas lights in a microwave. Yay!

All right, not an explosion of the "boom!" kind but you may need to use the can after this...apparently Hamster must be a South Park fan.

Finally, Christmas Works Bombs!

OK...that should suffice. See ya after Christmas!

An Ode to the NFC North

2008-11-20T01:10:00.002-06:00

Heh, heh. I live in Wisconsin, so I'll spare the Packers. Here's some YouTubey salutes to the Packers' divisional rivals.

First off, those Purple People Pussies, the Minnesota Vikings:

And of course, those assholes from Illinois!

And then, there's that sad excuse for a team called the Lions. They make Hitler cry...

Some Humor in these Dark Times

2008-11-09T23:48:00.006-06:00

The country's voted itself into Hell....you can kind of guess by that descripive blurb by that picture that I wasn't one of them.

So before my fat ass gets shipped off to a re-education camp, here's some funny book covers...

Toilet Bowl 2008...No Projections Here!!!

2008-11-04T21:01:00.002-06:00

BlanketyBlog has called the 2008 Toilet Bowl.

Based on the results of last Sunday's games, we can officially declare a loser...

THE DETROIT LIONS!!

The Bengals were fortunate to be Plunged with a win over the Jags. The Lions remain winless...heh, heh, heh.

So let's see if those deplorable Lions can stay in the Toilet for the rest of the year...on to the picks!

BYES: Bengals, Buccaneers, Cowboys, Redskins

OH FRIGGIN' BOY, NOW WE GET THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL TOO! Broncos vs. Browns. Brady Quinn's finally starting...oh, shit. Browns.
Saints vs. Falcons. Falcons.
Titans vs. Bears. UPSET PICK: Da fuckin' Bears.
Jaguars vs. Lions. Jags. NEXT!
Ravens vs. Texans. Ravens.
Seahawks vs. Dolphins. SHITZ-N-GIGGELZ PICK: Seahawks.
Packers vs. Vikings. Live from the Humpty-Dump! Take yer pick.
Bills vs. Patriots. UPSET PICK: Bills.
Rams vs. Jets. SHITZ-N-GIGGELZ PICK: Rams.
Panthers vs. Raiders. Panthers.
Colts vs. Steelers. Steelers.
Chiefs vs. Chargers. Booooring! Chargers.
SUNDAY NIGHT: Giants vs. Eagles. UPSET PICK: Eagles.
MONDAY NIGHT: 49ers vs. Cardinals. Seriously, who came up with this match-up? No pick.

Toilet Bowl Week Eight

2008-10-28T00:20:00.002-05:00

Good Lord, I was so caught up with Blowing Shit Up Week that I fucked up on my picks! Apparently I thought the Panthers were going to win the Falcons/Eagles game...so I'll count that as a no pick. I did get the Dolphins upset, and the Browns' Shitz-N-Giggelz. I went 7-5-2.

Oh yeah, the Lions and Bengals are still winless. Losers.

On to Week the Ninth!

BYES: Saints, Chargers, 49ers, Panthers

Jets vs. Bills. Bills.
Lions vs. Bears. Oh, that's rich. Bears keep the Lions in the Bowl.
Jaguars vs. Bengals. Ditto. Jags.
Ravens vs. Browns. SHITZ-N-GIGGELZ PICK: Browns.
Buccaneers vs. Chiefs. GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY! Bucs.
Texans vs. Vikings. UPSET PICK: Texans.
Cardinals vs. Rams. Cardinals.
Packers vs. Titans. Titans, but not by much.
Dolphins vs. Broncos. Um, duhhh....BRONCOS! (at which point I've virtually guaranteed this to be a loss now)
Cowboys vs. Giants. Giants.
Falcons vs. Raiders. Falcons.
Eagles vs. Seahawks. Eagles.
SUNDAY NIGHT: Patriots vs. Colts. Last year, this game would have sounded good. Take yer pick.
MONDAY NIGHT: Steelers vs. Redskins. UPSET PICK: Redskins.

Blowing Shit Up Week: The Explosive Conclusion!!

2008-10-25T12:00:00.001-05:00

And now, the final installment of the first, and hopefully not final, edition of Blowing Shit Up Week. We've seen lots of shit blow up over the week, including Elmo dolls, pumpkins, and loads of plastic bottles.

And an orchestra.

And some people hiding behind bushes.

And some more shit.

And John Cleese. Well, not really John Cleese, since that was a film clip, and he's in a sketch after the guy that plays a tape recorder up his nose.

And a bus...although that's not really out on DVD yet, just a trailer.

So to go full circlish, here's ten minutes of Jezza blowing up cars and murdering cars in other amusing fashions. If anything, it'll make the wait for new Top Gear go by a lot better...

Yeah, that makes me feel better. Still ain't November 2, but I watch that a few more times...yeah...

Anyways, so ends Blowing Shit Up Week. Normal non-explodery blog service resumes next week.

Blowing Shit Up Week: Friday Edition

2008-10-24T17:00:00.001-05:00

God bless David Letterman...he loves a good exploderation every now and then. Like in this Late Show clip where a pumpkin gets blowed up.

Saturday...we end where we started....that's right, cars go BOOM!

Blowing Shit Up Week: Thursday Edition

2008-10-23T22:49:00.004-05:00

Today, I bring you what happens when you mix Drano and/or The Works cleaning fluids with some innocent looking tinfoil.

First off, some dudes decide to remodel a car using the popular Drano bomb.(WARNING: Yeah, watching explosions are awesome, but for God's sake don't try this at home)

Next up, a Drano bomb in a toilet...gives new meaning to "Blowing Shit Up..."

Next...a huge-ass Drano bomb...

And now...a Works bomb!

And a Works bomb underwater...

And just in time for Halloween...a Works bomb inside a pumpkin!

Yeah, that was a bit lengthy.
TOMORROW...Letterman and a Pumpkin!

Blowing Shit Up Week: Wednesday Edition

2008-10-22T23:09:00.001-05:00

And now for something competely different....SHIT BLOWING UP!!

First off...the "Exploding Blue Danube..."

And the classic "How Not to Be Seen."

Tomorrow...fun with household cleaning materials!

Blowing Shit Up: Tuesday Edition

2008-10-21T00:00:00.000-05:00

More Elmo explosions! Now with added Cookie Monster exploderation!

Tomorrow...Blowing Shit Up, Python Style!

Toilet Bowl, Week...Um, Seven!

2008-10-20T23:36:00.002-05:00

We interrupt "Blowing Shit Up Week" to bring you this week's Toilet Bowl update.

The Lions and Bengals are still winless....the way they're playing maybe the Toilet can go boom to. That'd give new meaning to "blowing shit up."

Picks were an abysmal 6-7-1. Totals for this season are 45-32-9.

WEEK THE EIGHTH

Byes: Bears, Broncos, Packers, Vikings. This means I won't be watching much football this week. Not that that aberration of a Monday Night game didn't play some part. It'll be DVD time!!

Raiders vs. Ravens. Ravens.
Cardinals vs. Panthers. Panthers.
Buccaneers vs. Cowboys. Bucs.
Redskins vs. Lions. Hah. Redskins.
Bills vs. Dolphins. UPSET PICK: Dolphins.
Rams vs. Patriots. SHITZ-N-GIGGELZ PICK: Rams.
Chargers vs. Saints. This game's being played in London, apparently airing on BBC 2. That's why you have to wait a whole fucking week till new Top Gear episodes air...and then get torrented on the Internets. I joined the Final Gear forums a few months back, and some of stuff they've taped will be made of so much win and shit that I'm actually going to learn to torrent. Umm, back to football...No pick. You bastards.
Chiefs vs. Jets. Brett Favre's a bastard who backstabbed his old team out of spite. Not like it's helped the Lions anyway, you dumbfuck. Chefs.
Falcons vs. Eagles. UPSET PICK: Panthers.
Bengals vs. Texans. Texans.
Browns vs. Jaguars. SHITZ-N-GIGGELZ PICK: Browns.
Giants vs. Steelers. Ooooh...Giants.
Seahawks vs. 49ers. Bleh....49ers.
NO SUNDAY NIGHT GAME! WOOT!!
MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL: Colts vs. Titans. Peyton got his ass kicked by the Packers...and I picked the Colts! Methinks that the '72 Dolphins will be popping some corks after this game.

Blowing Shit Up Week: Monday Edition

2008-10-20T22:49:00.000-05:00

And heeeere it is!! No, don't show this to your kids, unless they hate Elmo too.

Tomorrow...more Elmo getting blowed up!!

Welcome to BlanketyBlog's First Ever "Blowing Up Shit" Week!!

2008-10-19T22:46:00.000-05:00

Inspired by my previous post, for the entertainment of the one person who actually looks at this, a whole week of shit getting blown up.

I guess the "Thriller" piece constitutes Sunday's work (lots of shit getting blown up, although you're going to have to watch to the end for my favorite).

Tomorrow...everybody's least favorite Muppet gets his ass blown to kingdom come!!

A Public Service Announcement from BlanketyBlog

2008-10-19T22:30:00.000-05:00

Boys and girls: blowing shit up is awesome and entertaining, but remember, leave the blowing up of shit to the professionals....and not this bloke.

Erm, on second thoughts....(runs off to see if her Saturn can be equipped to look like that)

This has been a Public Service Announcement to serve the better depravity of the online community.

Toilet Bowl, Week Six

2008-10-13T23:33:00.000-05:00

And we're down to the Final Two!!

Plungers went to the Rams(!!!) and Texans. Our final two Turds in the Bowl are the Bengals and those lovably epic fail Lions.

Pick wise...a rebound!!! 9-4-1, and I got both my upset picks and both my Shitz-n-Giggelz picks correct! Overall, I'm 39-25-8.

WEEK THE SEVENTH, QUICKIE PICKS EDITION

Byes: Falcons, Eagles, Cardinals, Jaguars

Chargers vs. Bills. Chargers.
Saints vs. Panthers. Panthers.
Vikings vs. Bears. UPSET PICK: Vikings.
Steelers vs. Bengals. Steelers.
Titans vs. Chiefs. Titans.
Ravens vs. Dolphins. SHITZ-N-GIGGELZ: Dolphins.
49ers vs. Giants. Giants.
Cowboys vs. Rams. Cowboys.
Lions vs. Texans. Texans.
Colts vs. Packers. Colts.
Jets vs. Raiders. Jets.
Browns vs. Redskins. UPSET PICK: Browns.
SUNDAY NIGHT: Seahawks vs. Buccaneers. Bucs.
MONDAY NIGHT: Broncos vs. Patriots. Take yer pick.

Toilet Bowl, Week Five

2008-10-06T23:12:00.001-05:00

Another slightly truncated edition. Any Plungers this week? Hellz no!

The Rams had a bye.
The Texans almost knocked off the Colts, but sadly it was not to be.
The Bengals had a shot...for a little while.
The less said about the Lions, the better.

Pick wise...holy shit. Only five of my picks were right, not counting the "take yer pick." That brings me to 30-21-7.

On to WEEK SIX!

Byes: Bills, Titans, Chiefs, Steelers. The Turds are all in play!!

Bears vs. Falcons. Ehhhh....I'll do a Two-Face coin flip. Results: Falcons.
Dolphins vs. Texans. You wanna upset pick? Once again, I'll pick the Texans.
Ravens vs. Colts. Peyton was lucky. Ravens.
Lions vs. Vikings. Oh, I so want to do a Shitz-n-Giggelz pick here, but it's the fucking Lions. Vikings in a landslide.
Raiders vs. Saints. You know how much fun I could have had had the Raiders still remained in the bowl? Saints.
Bengals vs. Jets. Hah hah hah! Favre goes wild again for the Jets.
Panthers vs. Buccaneers. Carolina seems to be back in stride. Panthers.
Rams vs. Redskins. Redskins. NEXT!
Jaguars vs. Broncos. Oh, shit...this is where it all went wrong for Denver last year. I don't want to do this, but here it is.....take yer pick.
Cowboys vs. Cardinals. OK, here's your Shitz-n-Giggelz pick. The Cardinals!
Eagles vs. 49ers. Coin flip again...comes up Eagles.
Packers vs. Seahawks. Last year, this would have sounded good. Seahawks win big.
SUNDAY NIGHT FOOSBALL...Patriots vs. Chargers. Last month when Tom Brady was healthy, this would have sounded good. Upset pick: Chargers.
MONDAY NIGHT FOOSBALL...Giants vs. Browns. Oooh...you know what, help yourself to another Shitz-n-Giggelz pick with the Browns. Somewhere, that didn't sound right.

Toilet Bowl, Week Four

2008-09-30T23:19:00.000-05:00

It's been an interesting week for me, both good and bad. That can go in another post. Here be a somewhat truncated version of the standings for the Toilet Bowl..

Plungers went to Cleveland and Kansas City, leaving the Bowl with only four Turds remaining. Those teams would be the Bengals, Lions, Rams and Texans.

My record for this week was 8-5, but I did correctly pick the Redskins' upset of the Cowboys. Just like in the movies! Overall, I be 25-13-6.

NFL WEEK FIVE

Byes: Browns, Raiders, Rams, Jets

Titans vs. Ravens. An interesting matchup, with Tennessee's perfect record on the line. The Ravens played a helluva game against Pittsburgh, so I look for them to pull off the win.
Chiefs vs. Panthers. CHEFS: YOU DON'T DESERVE THE GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY THIS WEEK, YA BASTARDS!! Panthers.
Bears vs. Lions. I really wanna do a take-yer-pick here, but I just can't. Here's a Shitz-n-Gigglez pick....the Lions.
Falcons vs. Packers. Suddenly, trading Brett Favre doesn't sound like such a good idea, does it Ted Thompson? Falcons.
Colts vs. Texans. Peyton and Co. flat-out stink this year, but at least Peyton's knee is still intact. Doesn't matter. UPSET PICK: Texans. Goodness, I'm picking two Turds to win here!
Chargers vs. Dolphins. Wowee, this game actually doesn't sound as bad as it looks. Miami may be turning around here, but I give the edge to the Chargers.
Seahawks vs. Giants. Seattle is just pathetic. Giants.
Redskins vs. Eagles. This game doesn't sound that bad either, and it looks like Washington might finally be getting their shit back together. Redskins.
Buccaneers vs. Broncos. Last week sucked. FUCK YOU, CHEFS!! Denver rebounds. I hope.
Bills vs. Cardinals. The Bills are IMO one win away from being The Surprise Team of the season. They get that win here.
Bengals vs. Cowboys. The Battle of the Loud-Mouthed Self-Centered Asshole Wide Receivers. I cannot lower myself to choose between the two, so here's a take yer pick.
Patriots vs. 49ers. Shitz-n-Gigglez Pick #2....San Fran.
SUNDAY NIGHT....Steelers vs. Jaguars? Wasn't Pittsburgh on a few weeks ago? Jaguars.
MONDAY NIGHT....Vikings vs. Saints. Boooooring....Saints.

Toilet Bowl, Week Three

2008-09-23T00:37:00.000-05:00

Here we go again, another week, another Toilet Bowl recap. Week Three started off with eleven Turds in the bowl. Believe it or not, we Plunged an impressive five teams this time around...

Starting off, a Plunge for the Vikings, who won more games this weekend than the rest of the NFC Norris, combined.
And a Plunge for the Jaguars, who stunned the Colts.
The Seahawks beat another Turd to earn their Plunge.
The Chargers beat the Jets on Monday Night for their Plunge.
And the biggest Plunge of all? THE DOLPHINS!!! Computer said "YES!!" to their chances against the Patriots. Jeez, there went my pick!!

So that leaves the Bowl emptier, with six Turds remaining....and heeeeere they are!!

The utterly pathetic St. Louis Rams, the givers of the Plunge to the Seahawks.
The even more pathetic Detroit Lions. When the son of the owner says he wishes he had the power to fire Matt Millen, it proves that your team is horrible, horrible, horrible. Oh yeah, lost to the 49ers.
GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY! The Chiefs lost again, this time to the Falcons.
The Bengals, who lost in OT to the Giants
The Browns, who didn't bother showing up against Baltimore.
And the Texans, who lost to the Titans.

My picks panned out quite well...9-3-4, with my upset pick of the Jags turning out to be quite good. Overall standings, currently excluding the postponed Baltimore/Houston game, is 17-8-6.

WEEK FOUR....NOW WITH BYES!

BYEEES: Lions, Colts, Dolphins, Patriots, Giants, Seahawks. The Lions retain Turd status, as they're a pile of shit even when they're not playing. The other five are playing, but whom?

Falcons vs. Panthers. A battle of 2-1 teams. I think the Panthers will bounce back.
Browns vs. Bengals. An automatic Plunge goes to the winner of this game. The Browns have show ineptitude so far, so give it to the Bengals.
Texans vs. Jaguars. The Jaguars just got Plunged, but will Houston be as lucky this week? Nah. Jags.
Broncos vs. Chiefs. GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY!, what an upset it would be were the Chefs to win. But not this time. Broncos, and this time they actually win by a bunch.
49ers vs. Saints. San Fran has been a surprise so far. New Orleans, not so much. Another win for the team from the Bay.
Cardinals vs. Jets. Welcome to the Old Fart Bowl, with Kurt Warner taking on Brett Favre. The edge will go to the Man in Green. Jets.
Packers vs. Buccaneers. Ted Thompson said he'd give Aaron Rodgers a contract extension by Week Eight if he played well. The Packers promptly lost to Dallas. Apparently, Ted Thompson must be a big Brewers fan. Buccaneers.
Vikings vs. Titans. Blehh....but I'm going to avoid a take yer pick stance, so go with the Titans.
Chargers vs. Raiders. Who gives a shit? Will Lane Kiffin still be coach? Is anybody going to watch? Chargers.
Bills vs. Rams. Hah hah frickin' hah! Bills.
Redskins vs. Cowboys. Ain't done an upset pick yet...so here it is. Redskins.
SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY, FAITH HILL!! Eagles vs. Bears. Dull, dull, dull. Wait, the FOX lineup is new! New Family Guy! Eagles.
MONDAY NIGHT.....Ravens vs. Steelers. Interesting game. The Steelers have been a bit weaker than they've been, and I think the Ravens will win.

Toilet Bowl, Week Two

2008-09-15T23:48:00.000-05:00

And I'm on time for once!!!

To put things straight, let's see how many teams got the Plunge....

Washington, get your Plunger!! The Redskins rallied to beat the Saints.
You too, San Fran! The 49ers won in overtime against their fellow Turds from Seattle.
And a Plunger for Tampa Bay! The Buccaneers got on the win column by beating the Falcons.
And the Oakland Raiders (?!?) Yes, they got a Plunge against the Chefs.....aw, GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY!
And finally, an obvious plunge for Peyton and his fellow Colts, although the Plunger looked like it was headed for Minnesota early in the game.

And that leaves us with an impressive eleven Turd Teams remaining in the Toilet Bowl. And heeeere they are!

The Seahawks, see San Fran's Plunge for details
The pathetic Rams, who got mauled by Eli and the Giants.
The Lions, who very nearly pulled off an upset against Green Bay. However, the Packer D stepped up big time in the waning moments of the game and kept Detroit in the Bowl.
Ditto the Vikings, who lost to the Colts despite leading 15-0.
GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY!, it's the Chiefs, who lost to the Raiders of all teams.
A major surprise is the Chargers....yes, I bleed Denver Broncos orange and blue, but even I found that to be a crappy call at the end. But a loss is a loss.
The Bengals, who lost to the Titans.
The Browns, who lost a squeaker to the Steelers.
Those perennial shitheads, the Dolphins, who were utterly wasted by the Cardinals(!)
The Jaguars, who lost to the Bills
And it's not really their fault, but the Houston Texans are here. Of course, considering the events in Houston, football is the least of their problems.

MY RECORD WITH PICKS...I was 8-5-3. Although if you factor in the bye the Ravens and Texans got, it'd be 8-5-2.

WEEK THREE SKED:

Chiefs vs. Falcons. GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY! Get used to reading that. Falcons.
Raiders vs. Bills. I'd never thought I'd see the day when the Raiders wouldn't be in bold this early. Bills.
Buccaneers vs. Bears. Da Bears still suck. Buccaneers.
Panthers vs. Vikings. Hmmm....I'll go with Panthers.
Dolphins vs. Patriots. I laugh. I laugh at the potential one-sidedness of this game. Patriots.
Bengals vs. Giants. It's Eli versus Chad StupidAssDumbFucker. In other news, there's no way the NFL would let you put that name on a jersey. Giants.
Texans vs. Titans. Here's yer upset pick...the Texans.
Cardinals vs. Redskins. No friggin' idea. Take yer pick.
Saints vs. Broncos. Hopefully the zebras won't be premature with the whistles this time. Broncos!
Lions vs. 49ers. Meh. Take yer pick.
Rams vs. Seahawks. Well, there's gonna be an automatic Plunge. Survey SAYS!! Seahawks.
Browns vs. Ravens. Bleh...Ravens.
Jaguars vs. Colts. Trap game! Trap game! Jags in an upset.
Steelers vs. Eagles. The Keystone State battle. Take yer pick.
NOTE TO SELF, TUNE IN ABOUT TWENTY AFTER INSTEAD OF A QUARTER AFTER...IT'LL STOP THE ANEURYSMS: Cowboys vs. Packers. Yoiks. The only thing worse than the possibility of Terrell Assbag Owens acting like his usual shithead self at Lambeau is the fact that the Brewers have decided to start their annual free-fall stinkup. Sorry, but I'm gonna have to go with the Cowboys.
IT'S THE TOP GEAR FINALE ALREADY? OH, COCK!!: Jets vs. Chargers. I can either watch The Hamster get pwned by some bulls, or Brett Fave going nuts out West. The choice is simple, then....watch the Brewers get their asses kicked again. Take yer pick.

It's Time Once Again for the Salute to the NFL's Shittiest Teams!!

2008-09-10T22:36:00.000-05:00

That's right, bitches, it be Toilet Bowl time!!

As you'll recall, for the past few years while others do that fantasy stuff and try to pick the best players out there, we here at BlanketyBlog strive to find the polar opposite. That's why the creation originally known as the Doughnut Derby started in 2006. Every week I showcased the NFL teams sporting 0-for-whatever records, and the winner (er, loser?) was the last team to win a game.

The first Derby was "won" by the Oakland Raiders, who by Week Five were the only winless team.

In 2007, the contest regenerated into the BlanketyBlog Toilet Bowl, where the winless teams were referred to as Turd Teams, and a win would get them Plunged. The last team floating were the Miami Dolphins who went almost the whole damn season until they upset Baltimore.

So now we come to the First Week of Toilet Bowl 2008, and as per usual, we have sixteen Turds to start off with, and heeeeeere they are!:

The Washington Redskins, who lost to the Giants on Opening Night
The San Francisco 49ers, who lost to the Cardinals(!)
The Seattle Seahawks, who got a rude welcome from the Bills
The St. Louis Rams, who didn't bother showing up against the Eagles
The Detroit Lions, who lost to the new-look Falcons
The Minnesota Vikings, by five to the new-look Packers
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers, in a squeaker against the Saints
The Miami Dolphins (no surprise there), who lost to the new and Favre-improved Jets
The Kansas City Chiefs (GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY!!) against the Patriots, although in the long run the Patriots suffered the bigger loss when Tom Brady went down
The Oakland Raiders, once again the bitches of my Broncos (yaaaay!)
The San Diego Chargers, upset by the Panthers
The Cincinnati Bengals, with their new WR Chad StupidAssDumbFucker who did jack crap against the Ravens
The Cleveland Browns, in a laugher to the Cowboys
The Houston Texans (once again, no surprise) to the Steelers
The shocker Turd, the Indianapolis Colts, to the fucking Bears of all teams!
The Jacksonville Jaguars, against the Titans

Looking at the teams, BlanketyBlog forecasts that the Miami Dolphins will defend their Toilet Bowl crown. Let's see how this week's matchups stack up:

Bears vs. Panthers. Da Bears suck. Panthers.
Titans vs. Bengals. Seeing as how the Vince Young situation has evolved, the Titans may be affected by poor play as a results. Bengals.
Packers vs. Lions. Hah. Hah hah freakin' hah. Packers.
Bills vs. Jaguars. The Bills could be a surprise team, but then again they say that about the Bills every year. Jaguars.
Raiders vs. Chiefs. GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY, an automatic Plunge! I say it'll be the Chefs.
Colts vs. Vikings. Shit, another Plunge! I cannot see Peyton Manning start the year 0-2. Colts.
Giants vs. Rams. Eli's comin'! Giants.
Saints vs. Redskins. Hmmm....you can take yer pick on this one.
49ers vs. Seahawks. I'll be damned, another guaranteed Plunge. 49ers in an upset.
Falcons vs. Buccaneers. Meh. Falcons.
Dolphins vs. Cardinals. Will I pick the Dolphins? Computer says "no!" Cards.
Ravens vs. Texans. No friggin' way. Take yer pick.
Chargers vs. Broncos. Duh, Broncos.
Patriots vs. Jets. Ooooooooh. Jets in a major upset.
OH FUCK ME, NOT THAT FAITH HILL SONG AGAIN!! Steelers vs. Browns. This'll be one-sided, in favor of the Steelers.
AND HANK WILLIAMS JR. ONCE AGAIN SINKS FURTHER INTO RUINS FOR ANOTHER SEASON. OTOH, TOP GEAR IS ON SO I WON'T BE LACKING ANYTHING TO WATCH: Cowboys vs. Eagles. I could give a shit. Take yer pick.

I Have Tasted Victory, and it Tastes Sweet. Like Salt Water Taffy, or a Chunky

2008-07-30T22:32:00.000-05:00

Yessss!!

As you all know, it isn't BlanketyBlog without a frequent reference to The Greatest Beverage Ever Made in the History of the Whole Wide World. My day usually isn't complete without my usual four cans or more of the stuff. And still I'm getting a good night's rest!!

Since May, The Dew has been running a contest called Old School New School in which regular Dew Addicts like myself have a chance to win some sweetass prizes. If the code you enter from the cap or paper inserts stuck on the packaging of the 12 or 24-packs is lucky enough, you can win anything from an old school Corvette to a new one, from old school sneaks to new school sneaks, an old school arcade system or an XBOX 360 with HDTV, or old school Darrell Waltrip stuff and Dale Earnhardt Junior stuff.

According to my calculations, I consumed roughly four 20 oz. bottles and three 12-packs worth of codes. Once I entered the codes, the site asks what you want to play for.

Being a NASCAR junkie and a huge fan of the old Dew logo, I decided to go for the Darrell Waltrip prize pack. On May 20, on my first try, I got a dude putting on an old-style trucker hat that read, "Can't Win them All."

"BALLS!" I thought, then realized I entered an assload of codes in the Madden contest from last fall and struck out each and every time.

A few weeks later, June 9 to be precise, the codes from the 12-packs and two of the 20 ouncers were entered. That netted me a cool eight chances at winning something.

The first go, I try for the Waltrip prizes and I get the same message from before. At that point, it didn't really matter that I was probably going to crap out, it's just fun to try.

The second go was the same thing. "Yep," I thought. "No go with these either. Them's the breaks."

The third time, I decided to stick with trying for the Waltrip prizes. I figured it'd be a fun way to breeze through the picks, the same as before with the Madden contest.

Then, while waiting for the obligatory "Can't Win them All" clip, the computer takes a few seconds to load. Wait, what's this? It's a different person!

"Hmmm," I thought again, realizing that I'm still thinking properly after the massive caffeine overload. "Maybe they vary the loser messages.

While I awaited the inevitable, something completely different occured. Once again, the dude put on a hat, but the message read something that I have not heard a whole lot of in my 25 years....

"WELCOME TO VICTORY LANE!"

I sat there for about five seconds reading the hat, a bit perplexed. Then another screen popped up and confirmed that yes, I was indeed a winner. At this point, I cursed several times in a fit of excitement and did the Happy Dance in my chair.

That Friday, since I wasn't scheduled to work, I was woken up by the Old Lady with an envelope from UPS. Inside was the nitty-gritty, the legal mumbo jumbo, and the official Affidavit of Release form. That was promptly filled out, notarized, and sent out about a week or so later, well within the window keeping me eligible.

It makes me happy to say that this past Friday, after a hellish day at work, my afternoon was brightened when the UPS man arrived with a very large package. Inside was the first part of my prize. After much smiling and references to the Old Man winning his "major prize" in A Christmas Story (remember, Fra-gee-lay!), I opened the box and found my Old School Darrell Waltrip Toolbox Mini-Fridge. I was much delighted, and so was my family when they found out now they had something to store the beverages in besides the cluttered old fridge we already have.

As of now, there's plenty o' Dew, some grape punch from Wal-Mart, several bottles of water, a liter of Lipton Green Tea, some Diet Mountain Dew (the Old Lady's preferred beverage), some Coke Zero, and a six-pack of Coors Lite.

Monday, I got another package. A smaller one with a lot of styrofoam peanuts. And an Old School Darrell Waltrip Trucker Hat. Complete with the old Dew logo.

Yesterday, Box Number Three arrived. This was another sweet part....a replica car hood with the old Dew logo. I squealed and almost pissed myself.

As for the final part of my package, I'll be getting a 1:24 scale Mountain Dew race car next month. And the winner's list will include me! Me! I'm still excited, although that may be tempered a bit when I get the IRS form telling me how much I have to pay on taxes. Hopefully, it won't be as much as the people that won Corvettes.

I will be taking pictures of my prizes and posting them here when I have access to the famiy digital camera. For now, I sit here wearing the trucker cap, with the hood now serving as a great atmospheric enhancer when the TV has either races or Top Gear on.

Yeah, victory does taste sweet. Like 12 ounces of caffeinated yellow goodness. Sweet.

In the Summertime...uh, I forgot the rest of the lyrics.

2008-07-17T21:10:00.000-05:00

Welcome to a humid Wisconsin in mid-July!! The weather may be a bit depressing but I guess I'm coping as best I can.

First off, a bit of sad news. You may remember my references to Scamp, the Weak-Bladdered Paranoid Wonder Dog in the past. Unfortunately, her health was failing as even making it up four steps to the front door had become laborious. After a difficult decision, the family decided to have her put down after having her as a faithful pet for over 17 years. Sometimes when I'm perusing the YouTube I can still hear a faint collar jingle.

On better news, older sister is doing fine as she awaits the birth of Blankety Nephew or Niece in October. Turd Boy is doing his second summer working at Point Beach in Two Rivers (past Green Bay), and will start his final semester of college in the fall. Little Alexzandrea is fifteen months old, has eight teeth, babbles and laughs nonstop, and is now beginning to walk. Have pity on the family.

I've done a little sprucing up on some of the links to the right. I'm still watching more insane television programs than I should. I still drink the Dew.

With the latter two, it's given me an idea to do one of those "Week With Blah Blah Blah" type specials. What kind of television I watch and how many Dews I consume will be of course tabulated. Do stick around for that.

The New Dew Review

2008-06-14T00:05:00.000-05:00

Sorry about the lack of updates...life happened or something.

Anyway, by now you should all know about my favoritest beverage in the whole wide world. No, not Kahlua Mudslides, or Boone's Farm. Going on from there, if you haven't heard of Dewmocracy, you have probably saw the results of that campaign at your local grocer, Wally World or gas station. Click the "Overview" link for more info.

I myself, being a loyal Dew addict,have sampled all three flavors of the potential new flavor. Here's my look at the three, followed by my personal choice.

First off....the contenders...

Starting from the left, we have Mountain Dew Voltage. This flavor, which comes in a nice deep sky blue color, features wild berries with ginseng. Drinking this, I could tell the berry flavor, although it was slightly mooted by the ginseng. It left no strange aftertaste, and the inevitable belch did have a slightly odd berry tone. Overall, it wasn't too bad.

Next, we have Mountain Dew Supernova. In the pinkish-purple color scheme, this features a combination of strawberry and melon with ginseng. When I tried this, I immediately got the strawberry. The aftertaste tasted like melons, so that was another bonus. Best of all, the belch tasted like, well, strawberry and melon. Absolutely awesome stuff.

Finally, Mountain Dew Revolution in the very pale blue color. This has raspberry and citrus with ginseng. When I first bought this, I thought it had promise, as one of my rare guilty pleasure is Raspberry Creme Shasta (however it's not local, hence the rareness). However, when I tasted it I couldn't tell any flavor, almost as if the two had cancelled each other. Worse yet, both the aftertaste and the belch were horrible. This was my least favorite out of the three.

So it comes down to Voltage and Supernova. After much deliberation and more deliberation, followed by a can of the yellow Classic Dew, I made my decision.

The Official BlanketyBlog Pick for New Dew Flavor is.....

Now go vote for it, dammit!! :P

A Memo to the Wisconsin Tourism Board

2008-05-11T00:38:00.000-05:00

May 10, 2008

To Whom It May Concern:

For many years, you have chosen to advertise this fair state with the slogan "Wisconsin: You're Among Friends." However, recent events may affect this line, and perhaps a change is in order.

If you're indeed among "friends" here, ignore the lunatic "Catholics" (who have started so many fringe churches it makes the anarchist factions in Life of Brian look sane) who leave deceased people on toilets for two months and convince some kids that you can do some resurrecting.

Ignore those Einsteins from '07 who set their nards on fire.

And the guy that ruined a good night of porno watching by busting doors with his sword.

And the incompetent fucks in charge of the roads, who somehow fail to notice that all the highways and side roads now feature potholes that are apparently gateways to another dimension if you hit the fuckers the wrong way.

And the incompetence of our politicians, who feels it's okay to jack up car registration fees in order to give to the Indian casinos, and our asshole governor who's done jack shit while in office yet the welfare folk keep fraudulently re-electing him.

Other than that, you know...anyways, I hereby propose that you change the slogan to "Wisconsin...You're Among Dumbfucks."

Have a good day.
Ms. Blankety, of this blog.

Art and Jelly Babies

2008-04-29T22:46:00.001-05:00

Bored with the Brewers/Cubs game, and still on an "Adipose" kick from the US premiere of the latest season of Doctor Who, yours truly farted around on the South Park Studio character generator (as opposed to re-generator...oh, I made a Who-related funny!)

Here's the BlanketyBlog manifestion of her favorite incarnation not named Christopher Eccleston:

Yeah, I know the scarf is off, but they didn't have the iconic one as an option. See, I even gave him a little bottle of God knows what.

Coming soon, the inevitable South Doc rendering of Christopher Eccleston.

More "Green" Madness

2008-04-24T20:55:00.000-05:00

...no, not the environmental kind. Here's more Muppety goodness.

Happy Environmental Brainwashing of the Masses Day!!

2008-04-22T21:33:00.000-05:00

God, I hate Earth Day.

No, I'm not anti-environment. I try recycling, limiting how much water and electricity I use, and try to avoid really really unnecessary trips in my ol' Saturn. However, I don't subscribe to the global warming bullshit and all this biofuel garbage. You know, instead of wasting tons of crops to turn into fuel, maybe they could feed those less fortunate people on our planet.

I think South Park got it right in their "Terrance and Phillip: Behind the Blow" episode, where the Earth Day people are featured as wackos who'll do anything to get their message across. The eco-terrorists, PETA, ManBearPig and his sheep/ilk, the "Use Only One Square of TeePee For Your Bunghole" crowd...they're all a bunch of fucking nitwits. Technically, I could go on and on about their hidden agendas that target the human populace, but you can do that research on your own.

Basically, here's the BlanketyBlog view on the environment: do your part, no matter how big, and don't subscribe to fucking cuckoo flavor of the month theories.

Even Muppets Screw Up!!

2008-04-20T20:20:00.000-05:00

Want proof? Here you is...

Tales of Cinematic Hell

2008-04-17T20:17:00.000-05:00

I just couldn't resist telling the Star Wars story. Honest! Just publishing that last post evoked memories of that seasonal Friday night in May almost three years ago.

I consider myself to be somewhat of a Star Wars fan. I'm not one of those pedants who know just about everything encompassing the SW universe; on the other hand, I'm not completely clueless as to some of the species and/or characters from the films. Back when it was a rarity to see the repeats of the first three films on TV (I was born before Return of the Jedi, and even then I was just a baby), I eagerly enjoyed watching the Death Star blow up, Yoda (back when he was only a mere puppet) making Luke Skywalker his bitch, and those damn Ewoks. All this time later, and I still enjoy the Ewoks.

Anyways, when plans were announced to make the first three episodes, I knew I had to go to le theatre and see them so I'd have something to tell any future children in my family. The Phantom Menace, I believe, I went to see in early August '99. I had recently gotten my drivers' license, so I took Turd Boy along with me. It was neat seeing new characters like Mace Windu, Boss Nass (BRIAN BLESSED!! All shall worship his name!!), Palpatine before he got all Sidious, Amidala, and of course, Qui-Gonn. The only drawback was the fact the film didn't start till about twenty minutes past the advertised 7 PM start time...and there were no freaking previews! Come to think of it, this was also the time when the geniuses that ran the theater felt it necessary to stick a fucking "Intermission" in between their flicks. That totally ruined The Spy Who Shagged Me, and here it just disrupted the flow.

On to 2002. The geniuses that ran the theater decided to show other shit before Attack of the Clones. That episode didn't hit our screens until September '02. This, even when the theater had sustained some slight damage from the F3 that went through town only a week before. Turd Boy had taken my older nephew to see it at the Lake 7 in Rice Lake back in July. There was no way I was going to pass up on my chance to see this, tornado or not. Methinks my favorite scene was Yoda whipping out the lightsaber; this after realizing Yoda sounded a helluva lot like Grover. (Yes, I knew before that fact that Frank Oz voiced Yoda; just watch anything with the Muppets and see how close some of the voices are. Bert sounds a tad like Fozzie, Ernie sounds like a lower-pitched Kermit, etc.) Yoda making the almost ancient Christopher Lee his bitch = win. Enjoyed that scene, I did.

So now we come to premiere night, May 2005. My sister had nothing else to do, and my older nephew so wanted to go. Turd Boy was in college at this point, but I believe he had planned on going to the Platteville multiplex.

The three of us knew that in this little town, there was going to be people wanting to see this, so we left early. We were somewhere in between the beginnng and middle of the line queue. After paying for our tickets and concessions, we made it into the theater room. So far, so good.

And then...they came.

The kids. Fucking hyper kids who apparently snorted lines of Pixy Stix chased down with shots of Coke. They shouted. They shouted some more. They ran around the fucking theater screaming "STAR WARS! STAR WARS"! at the top of their lungs. You had kids dressed up as Darth Vader. With lightsaber toys. It was almost a convention goer's vision of hell.

The movie finally started. Did the little bastards shut up and watch? Shit, no. During the opening scroll, they continued bellowing "STAR WARS! STAR WARS!" They DID NOT SHUT UP THROUGH THE ENTIRE FILM. Oh, people yelled at them to shut the fuck up. But did they listen? Shit, no. By the time the movie ended, many irate theatergoers were actually hoping assault could be legalized.

Fortunately, my rage and anger subsided when nephew got the DVD for his birthday and we sat in the TV room, with a bowl of popcorn and some Dews, and the lights off, finally enjoying what we were deprived of at the theater.

The one bright spot? During one of Yoda's scenes, my sister leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Grover."

On a totally unrelated note, I caught the replays of all six episodes on Spike TV. I was almost depressed to see the '04 version of RotJ where Hayden Christensen appears as Spirity Anakin at the end. They can put that in, but not the epic Ewok "Victory Celebration"? Blasphemy! I'm gonna have to find me some audio of that.

Yub Nub! Yub Nub!

"Independent films are those black and white hippie movies, they're always about gay cowboys eating pudding."

2008-04-17T19:51:00.000-05:00

Ahh, my podunk little hometown is moving up in the world:

(Shamelessly lifted from here)
(Comments in plain are my smartass remarks. Yay!)

The Rusk County Community Library, the Wisconsin Humanities Council, and the Miner Theater present: The Ladysmith Film FestivalApril 18-20. All events are FREE! (Yay! That's something that hypocritical ass Redford probably can't claim. Free! I picked up my tickets already. Free! So fucking free that they capitalized it and gave it an exclamation point!)

Friday, April 18: Doors open at 6:00p (Rush of filmgoers occurs at 6:25 PM. Yours truly debates on whether or not to go, as it'll clash with Voyage of the Damned. Then she realizes that on the other hand, it is Voyage of the Damned, and from what she's heard it may be a bit meh. She then thanks heavens the proper season premiere isn't until the following week, and she has a VCR, so things kinda work out in the end.)

6:30 PM - Opening remarks by author Jerry Apps

7 PM - Film: The Real Dirt on Farmer John (83 mins) (Please, let his prefix be "Old" and his last name "MacDonald." E-I-E-I-Whoooo!)

Post-film discussion with Jerry Apps, Bill Berry (Future of Farming), Aliesha Crowe (Extension Agent), Dale Daggett(Local Organic Farmer) and Tracey Mofle (NW Wis. Regional Food Network)

Saturday, April 19:10:30 AM - Kids learn about Great Lakes shipwrecks with Michael Hladilek of Free Spirit Great Lakes Media (Hey kids, wanna hear about the Edmund Fitzgerald? The real story, and not some shitty 70s musical tripe? Thought so!!)

11 AM - Under an Autumn Moon: Shipwrecks on Lake Superior, followed by conversation with film makers (insert another Gordon Lightfoot crack here. *goes off to play "Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" on CD player*)

2 PM - Sweetland (111 mins) followed by conversation moderated by Bill Berry

7 PM - re-run The Real Dirt on Farmer John (Reruns already? Hell, it's Torchwood finale night, and I'll have seen this movie already...I hope.)

Sunday, April 20 Family Matinee 2 PM - Fly Away Home (108 mins) followed by conversation and interactive activities (Movie with Jeff Daniels = almost always automatic win. Movie with Jeff Daniels not featuring him on toilet thanks to Jim Carrey prank = instant win)

All Events Take Place at the Miner Theater (Miners and Hoes. USELESS NUGGET OF INFO: the theater was once known as the "Unique." Unique in that the movie always started half an hour past the scheduled showtime, and that's not even including previews. That practice is still in effect today. Except for Star Wars Episode III, which started on time but was ruined by asshole kids who wouldn't shut their fucking mouths. That's another story.)

Anyways, it'll be interesting seeing how the thing turns out. Hopefully next year we'll get a movie with gay cowboys eating pudding; it just wouldn't be an indie film fest without one.

It's Really, Really, Really the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!!

2008-03-13T18:53:00.000-05:00

I decided to stop trawling through my pile O' DVDs long enough to do an update.

First off, geesh. I can't believe we're approaching Holy Week already. It's the earliest Easter for quite some time...and will be for quite longer.

Frankly, I'm sick of the freakin' snow. My sister slid in a ditch during the last snow shower. Her boyfriend was on the way to pick her up...and he ditches his vehicle as well. Both are doing fine...or should I say, all three. News at eleven :D

Turd Boy's Spring Break is here, and he's going for the Boring Yet Very Safe Route; he's staying at our house and catching up with his other buddies on break. No doubt he's going to ask me to lend my DVD of Life of Brian again...and so close to Easter!! Still, we crack each other up doing the entire scene where Michael Palin and Graham Chapman lisp their way through the scene where Pilate addwesses the cwowd. USELESS NUGGET OF INFORMATION: Terry Jones' character in said scene (the one that asks for the welease of Woger and Wodewick) is named Bob Hoskins.

And on the topic of bad taste, but sadly not Bob Hoskins, more You-Tubery! The Totally Tasteless Edition:

Landmines ain't funny. Landmines with Yakety Sax , however...
And while we're on landmines, Landmines with the NBA on NBC feem toon USELESS NUGGET OF INFORMATION #2: For many people, this is the only thing by John Tesh that they'll ever listen to in their lifetime.
Swearing Muppets!!
Swearing Time Lords!
More Swearing Time Lords!!
Ah, what the hell....Bob Hoskins! In the Shower!!

Yeah, that's gonna wrap it up...I'm going to go barf now.

Happy Easter!

DVD!!! DVD!!!

2008-02-26T20:44:00.000-06:00

Wow, a new post! And almost three weeks from my last---I must be improving!!

Being a lurker on the UK website
Zeta Minor, home to the Roobarb's DVD Forum (no, I haven't posted yet; I just enjoy pissing myself laughing at some of the posters' hysterically snarky comments on UK telly and film), it got me to thinking of my own somewhat lousy DVD collection.

Off the top of my head, I can safely say it is rather bizarre. I've got UK telly, crappy (yet for me quite enjoyable) movies from the $5 bin at Wal-Mart, a few TV shows, a couple documentaries, and comedies galore. Someday I'm actually going to try and sort the damn collection out and see which ones I've watched and which ones I haven't even opened. Who knows, maybe I'll even review a few.

Oooh, before I forget, here's some YouTube treats:

80s HBO....you know you remember this.
More old school, this time featuring ABC on Saturday morning
British kiddie fare with a slightly adult bent. This is the classic UK kids show Rainbow (kinda like our Sesame Street except there's only three puppet types, and one sounds like a Dalek). The first two clips are from the Thames Television Christmas tape (something made by the VT, or video tape, crews from the UK television channels and featured all sorts of naughty bits and swearing. There's a BBC one I particularly enjoy, but I forgot the link.) featuring the show's host, the puppets, and their musical friends extolling the virtues of playing with your twangers and your balls.
And for my GSN Buzz friends, a classic Showcase Showdown from a '91 airing of The Price is Right

Good bite!!

It's Midnight....Do You Know Where Your Blogger Is?

2008-02-07T23:58:00.000-06:00

No, I haven't been in witness protection or anything like that. More like "Lazy Bitch Syndrome." It's been a little while since I actually posted some stuff on here, and you know what? My resolution was to try to update this thing more frequently. Whoops.

Well, it's been a lil' quiet on the home front. Little Ally is now ten months. Turd Boy is two semesters away from a college degree. I finally got a Grover plushie. The football gods finally blessed us with the upset of the century....even though it's only 2008. Now it's racing time, and baseball is around the corner. The Brewers should be interesting to watch, even though they always find a way to freakin' choke. I can hardly wait.

Err, and now it's Lent. As you can tell, I didn't give up obscenities. The little pink bunny piggy bank is laughing at me, because now it's time for my infamous Lenten Swear Jar. A nickel a cuss, and if I ever start on a topic about Britney Spears, that may be a few bucks right there. Unfortunately, baseball starts after Easter for once, so cursing the Twinkies and FuCubbies won't count.

I've been hitting YouTube more than ever. There's some truly funny shit on there. I linked to the Max Headroom clip a few months ago, and there's other great stuff. I'll try to link to those, especially the real funny stuff. I think the first installment will be the greatest Mario emulator ever played. Or the Rainbow "twangers" clip.

Well, it looks like it's almost 12:30, and it's time to hit the sack. This weekend I'm going for an eye checkup, which means new frames. I see the Drew Carey look may be back in vogue thanks to that new gig he has. Hmmm....

The 2007 HMO Christmas Mix

2007-12-22T22:12:00.000-06:00

You knew it was coming. I gave you hopefully fair warning.

In case you're not used to reading this blog (in which case I don't really blame you), every Christmas I become so inundated with holiday music that there's only a few you can really stand while the rest threaten to drive you insane.

Here's 2004's offerings.

And here's the list from 2005.

And for good measure, 2006 found here and here.

This year, the Song List gets a twist. Instead of listing the same songs for four years in a row (and I still enjoy quite a bit of stuff on there), I burned myself a CD of the Christmas songs I've found myself enjoying a lot on the radio this year. There may be a few repeats, but for good reason. The 27 tracks are listed in the order that I burned them.

So without further ado, here we be.....The 2007 HMO Christmas Mix.

"Happy Holidays," Andy Williams. Heiniken ads be damned, this is a tune I find myself singing along with whenever I see the dude with his ill-fated six pack.
"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer," Burl Ives. Being on a Rankin/Bass kick like always, this is the version I seem to enjoy most.
"Holly Jolly Christmas," Burl Ives. The actual cut from the Rudolph special, not Burl's redone version. Not that I don't like that one, but I like the briskness of the TV version, especially done by that lovable snowman. Good ol' Rankin/Bass specials.
"Frosty the Snowman," Jimmy Durante. Yes, another song from another Rankin/Bass special. (I'm going to have to drag out the ol' retro Rankin/Bass-South Park post, won't I?) I do a semi-decent Jimmy Durante impersonation, despite only ever hearing him from this cartoon.
"Carol of the Bells," Richard Carpenter. The non-anorexic Carpenter lets loose with a piano version of the old caroling chestnut. You never hear the words from this song, but there are a few exceptions. Mr. Mackey, for one.
"Marshmallow World," Darlene Love. A great ode to the white shit that blankets Wisconsin every winter.
"Christmas, Baby (Please Come Home)," Darlene Love. David Letterman has said numerous times that this is the ultimate Christmas rock'n'roll song. So many times that he's had Darlene perform it on the last new Late Show of the year. A shame we won't hear it this year, unless we have a repeat.
"Rusty Chevrolet," Da Yoopers. The original ode to automobiles long past their primes. Sounds like my old Celebrity.
"O Holy Night," Cher. Yes, Cher. Yes this is the version from the Sonny and Cher special. The only way you can hear this is by either going on a long-ass Internet search like me, or watch Letterman for Paul Shaffer's yearly impersonation.
This track is Paul's 1988 impersonation of Cher's rendition of "O Holy Night." The audience laughs when Paul comments that Cher has a muff. The fur muff, sickos.
"This Christmas," Donny Hathaway. I do enjoy some Motown holiday music once in awhile. This is one of my faves.
"Deck the Halls," Mannheim Steamroller. A nice new-agey interpretation of the classic carol.
"Winter Wonderland," The Eurythmics. I've been on an Eurythmics kick ever since I got "Here Comes the Rain Again" stuck in my head. A nice new-wavey twist on another holiday tune.
"When My Heart Finds Christmas," Harry Connick Jr. Ahhh, sentimental Christmas ballads. It is lovely, IMO and almost sounds like it came from the '60s.
"I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day," Johnny Cash. There aren't enough versions of this song, which is a damn shame. The message resonates to this day, although it seems that poor angel's message has been ignore for centuries.
"Angels We Have Heard on High," Mannheim Steamroller. This has always been one of my favorite songs to sing at Christmas Eve Mass (and I'll never forget the year they chucked the responsorial psalm in order for us to belt out the chorus and try to hold the "o" note for several seconds)
"Christmas Ain't Christmas," The O'Jays. Another enjoyable Motown Christmas track.
"The Twelve Days of Christmas," John Denver and the Muppets. Classic. My favorite part: the ninth day performed by Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker. Beaker kicks ass. Meep meep!!
"Deck the Halls," The Muppets. Apparently they ditched John Denver for this one. More Muppety goodness, although sadly we don't hear Beaker. We do get the Electric Mayhem, the baby Muppet singers, and Statler and Waldorf, perhaps The Greatest Muppets EVER.
"Christmas Bells are Ringing," Nat King Cole. I prefer this holiday tune to his most famous one about chestnuts and Jack Frost.
"Christmas Vacation," Mavis Staples. The theme from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, possibly one of the funniest holiday movies ever. I'm surprised this was rated PG-13 with all the double entendres and Chevy Chase uttering an effenheimer near the end. Of course, European Vacation was also PG-13, and there were boob shots.
"Someday at Christmas," Stevie Wonder. His vision of Christmas...whoops, that was accidental.
"What Christmas Means to Me," Stevie Wonder. My favorite of his two Christmas songs.
"Carol of the Bells," Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Fab, fab, fab, and it even has strains of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen."
"Wizards in Winter," Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Will live in history as the song from the Miller Lite ads with the flashing light display. Double fab.
"Christmas Canon," Trans-Siberian Orchestra. I never knew you could use Pachelbel's Canon as a song about the joy of Christmas. It's beautiful and an interesting diversion from TSO's normal blaring rocking holiday music.
"Last Christmas," Wham. George Michael kept his pants zipped long enough for this tune about holiday heartbreak.

And there we have the 2007 HMO Christmas Mix. Next post should be Dec. 26. Until then, a very Merry Christmas, and remember the real reason for the season!

Happy Birthday to.....SQUEE!!

2007-12-10T22:07:00.000-06:00

It's the 10th, which means I've now been 25 for a day.

Overall, it was a fantastic birthday. No crappy weather, nobody was sick, and Green Bay and Denver both won. Yaaay!!

Present-wise, I always prefer something practical or something I know I'm going to use repeatedly. My DVD player from last year is still in fab shape. This year I got a nice throw blanket for my room, along with a new purple cardy and three word find books.

Dinner-wise, it was a reprise of last year. I wanted pizza and cupcakes. The cupcakes were still awesome.

Of course, now that birthday is out of the way, now comes the biggie: Christmas. I have a list already, so I think I know what I'll be buying. And you can expect the 2007 Christmas Song List, this year with a twist.

I'm going to go sleep off the birthday hangover now.

Happy Birthday to......meh.

2007-12-09T11:28:00.000-06:00

Oh, boy. Look at the calendar. I can hardly believe December 9 is finally here. Yep, it's my birthday, and I've hit the quarter century mark. As that famous anorexic Karen Carpenter put it, I've only just begun.

Birthday-wise, I'm hoping for a decent gift. Not too fancy but just practical enough. Oh, and wins for Denver and Green Bay, even though I picked Oakland to win. And for it to stop being so damn cold.

I'll have to see how it turns out.

More NFL Picks

2007-12-05T22:12:00.000-06:00

And you'll know over half of them'll be wrong!!

Bears
Bills
Bengals
Cowboys
Raiders (upset pick)
Buccaneers
Jaguars
Giants
Chargers
Vikings
Seahawks
Broncos (dammit, they'd better win on my b-day)
Steelers
Browns
Colts
Saints

Holy Crap, Part Something

2007-12-05T22:04:00.000-06:00

Last week, I posted a link to the infamous (for Chicago) Max Headroom Pirating Incident.

While perusing a DVD forum I'm a lurking member of, along comes this:
an ad for British network Channel 4 featuring none other than....Max Headroom! Mind you, the years have not been good to Matt Frewer, but I digress...new Max is always awesome! And you don't even have to sit through PBS's butcher job of good old British sci-fi!

(although, that would have made a helluva DVD extra. The pirate clip, that is.)

Shortie NFL Picks, again

2007-11-29T00:25:00.000-06:00

No time for long-winded rants about how the Dolphins suck or GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY! Just enough for some picks:

Cowboys
Panthers
Jaguars
Chefs (GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY!)
Dolphins (Shits and Giggles Pick)
Lions
Eagles
Rams
Titans
Redskins
Cardinals
Broncos
Giants
Buccaneers
Steelers
Ravens (upset special)

Great Moments in Televison History

2007-11-28T23:46:00.000-06:00

I'll be damned if I didn't forget the 20th anniversary of the Max Headroom Pirating Incident, an infamous (yet surreally funny) part of Chicago TV history. Having remembered watching Max Headroom as a child (Turd Boy even had a Max t-shirt!), it's hard to believe the impact it would have years later.

Imagine, if you will, that you are a Bears fan living in Chi-town. (Mind you, you'd immediately be a moron, because the Bears suck.) You missed the game against the Packers or Vikings or whoever the hell they played, so you plan on catching the highlights on WGN-TV (before satellite became a hit) that evening. Dan Roan (God, he's still on the network after all these years!) sets you up for some highlights. All of a sudden, some interference occurs and you get a brief glimpse of what appears to be Max Headroom grinning like a loon. A few seconds later, cut back to Dan Roan, looking confused as hell. Apparently the pirate's attempt to hijack WGN's signal was a failure.

But it gets better. Much, much, better.

Now let's imagine you're a sci-fi geek, and apparently a subscriber to public television. You park your ass on your basement sofa for WTTW's Sunday night airing of Doctor Who. Fifteen minutes later, apparently when some shit is going to go down with the Time Lord, "Max" strikes again......

The dude never got caught. The lucky bastard. That whole incident probably made some great conversation at work the following day. That is, unless you were a Bears fan desperate for highlights or a PBS subscriber. Enjoy the trip down memory lane, Midwesterners. And thank you Mr. Pirate, wherever you are.

Happy Holiday, Happy Holiday...

2007-11-26T22:53:00.000-06:00

Because I have that damned song in my head....it's the holiday season. There's no snow, but it's awfully cold. And it's getting close to my birthday. I can hardly wait.

So seeing as it's holiday time, there'll probably be a slight increase in posts. Besides the football picks, and hopefully bizarro stories, as well as the inevitable 2007 Christmas Song List, I should be making my presence known. I hope.

Shortie NFL Picks

2007-11-21T21:33:00.000-06:00

Seeing as the Toilet Bowl is now over and I'm pressed for time, here's my picks for this weekend starting with the Turkey Day Tripleheader:

Packers
Cowboys
Colts
Saints
Titans
Browns
Jaguars
Raiders
Giants
Seahawks
Buccaneers
Cardinals
Broncos
Chargers
Eagles (Shits and Giggles Pick)
Steelers

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

BlanketyBlog Toilet Bowl.....WE HAVE A LOSER!!!

2007-11-15T21:47:00.000-06:00

After ten weeks of stink-it-up action, we have Plunged our last team. The St. Louis Rams upset the New Orleans Saints, which means that we have just one Turd left in the Bowl....

THE MIAMI DOLPHINS!! Congrats....YOU SUCK!!!!

Pick-wise, I was shit. 3-8-3. I still had 3 more correct picks than the Dolphins. Ba-ZING!!

WEEK ELEVEN:

Buccaneers vs. Falcons. Go with the Bucs.
Browns vs. Ravens. Cleveland got lucky the first time. Ravens get the W.
Cardinals vs. Bengals. Shits and Giggles Pick: Arizona.
Giants vs. Lions. This could be a really good game. I'll go with Detroit at home.
Panthers vs. Packers. Trap game? Computer says "No!" Packers win.
Saints vs. Texans. A chance for Reggie Bush to show Houston what they passed on in '06. Texans in an upset.
Chiefs vs. Colts. GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY, what has happened to Indy? Chefs in an upset.
Chargers vs. Jaguars. LT has been a bit of a disappointment, although based on the trend of RBs doing crappy after their breakout year, that's not a big surprise. Chargers still win.
Raiders vs. Vikings. No Adrian Peterson, no chance. Raiders win.
Dolphins vs. Eagles. Go watch Ace Ventura instead of this game; it's far more entertaining, and it gives me a chance to break out the Ray Finkel jokes. Take yer pick.
Steelers vs. Jets. J-E-T-S SUCK! SUCK! SUCK! Steelers should win this.
Redskins vs. Cowboys. Trap game? Hmmm.....take yer pick.
Rams vs. 49ers. The Rams have to be feeling good after finally posting a win...I'll go with them over San Fran.
Bears vs. Seahawks. Last year, this would've been a good game. Both teams have been utter letdown. So who wins the battle between the last two Super Bowl losers? Gut pick says Seattle.
SUNDAY NIGHT.....TIME TO CHECK OUT MY DVD COLLECTION---OOOH, BACK TO SCHOOL! Patriots vs. Bills. Shits and Giggles Pick: the Bills.
MONDAY NIGHT FOOSBALL: Titans vs. Broncos. This time, Denver should actually win the damn game. I'm still pissed off over their last Monday nighter...seems like only weeks ago.

BlanketyBlog Toilet Bowl, Week Nine

2007-11-05T22:39:00.000-06:00

You didn't miss anything. The Dolphins and Rams both had byes, and nobody cared.

Prediction wise: Yikes. A horrid 4-8-2. Hopefully one will rebound...

WEEK TEN....ALREADY??

Byes: Cocky Cheating Assholes (formerly known as Patriots), Jets, Buccaneers, Texans

Falcons vs. Panthers. Who leads this division anyway? Take yer pick.
Vikings vs. Packers. Oooh. This game'll depend on how Adrian Peterson does. The Packers have been the surprise team in the NFL, and I think they'll whip out the broom at Lambeau.
Broncos vs. Chiefs. GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY!!! Normally, if this was December, I'd pick the Chefs. Take yer pick.
Bills vs. Dolphins. Ha. Ha. Ha. Bills.
Rams vs. Saints. Saints, easily.
Browns vs. Steelers. You know, the Browns have pulled off some surprising wins. I bet they score the upset over Pittsburgh.
Jaguars vs. Titans. What, Vince Young is back! Time to invoke Madden Curse again!! Titans still win.
Eagles vs. Redskins. These two teams are practically ignored now. Eagles win a pointless game.
Bengals vs. Ravens. Apparently, the ground can cover #85. Ravens win.
Lions vs. Cardinals. Holy shit, Jon Kitna's prediction of a ten win season is still alive. The Lions should win.
Cowboys vs. Giants. Oooh, another massively-hyped game that nobody outside of Texas or New York will care about. Eli and the Giants in an upset.
Bears vs. Raiders. Shits and Giggles Pick: the Raiders.
WELL, THAT KIND OF TAKES THE SHINE OUT OF SUNDAY NIGHT'S MATCHUP: Colts vs. Chargers. The Chargers were made bitches of Adrian Peterson. Peyton will make sure that continues. The Colts, big.
MONDAY NIGHT SHITE: 49ers vs. Seahawks. Yawn. Take yer pick.

BlanketyBlog Toilet Bowl, Week Eight

2007-10-29T23:06:00.000-05:00

Not another rerun!!

the Dolphins lost by a mere field goal to the Giants.
the Rams actually had a shot but lost to the Browns.

Prediction wise, much much better!! 9-2-2 this time around. What does next week have in store?

WEEK NINE

Bye-Byes: Bears, Rams, Dolphins, Giants. The Turds will stay the same!! But you get predictions anyway! There'll be no point spread though, although the "take yer pick" rule still applies.

49ers vs. Falcons. The Gold-and-Whatever started off hot, but they've fizzled. I think they'll pick up the victory over Atlanta.
Bengals vs. Bills. The Bills have been coming on strong. I think they'll score the upset over Cincy.
Broncos vs. Lions. I could spend several paragraphs cursing out Brett Favre, but that would be wrong. I'd rather see him beat my Orange Crush than Tom Brady. Denver gets a rebound win over Detroit.
Packers vs. Chiefs. GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY!! The Chefs in an upset.
Chargers vs. Vikings. The running backs should steal the show. It'll be San Diego with the win.
Jaguars vs. Saints. Mehhhh. Jaguars.
Redskins vs. Jets. Joe Gibbs is having a crappy year. The 'Skins aren't doing very well, and neither is Tony Stewart or Pampers Hamlin. Take yer pick.
Cardinals vs. Buccaneers. Who's the QB for Arizona anyway? Tampa wins.
Panthers vs. Titans. Apparently Vince Young played. Time to invoke Madden Curse!!! Panthers in an upset.
Seahawks vs. Browns. I've never noticed this, but on Family Guy Cleveland's last name is Brown. Heh. Seahawks win.
Patriots vs. Colts. Oooooooohhhhhh. How much you wanna bet this'll be one-sided? Take yer pick.
Texans vs. Raiders. Pity the CBS viewers who get stuck with this game. Texans over Oakland.
OOOOHHH, NEW TREEHOUSE OF HORROR AND THE 100TH FAMILY GUY! Cowboys vs. Eagles. Oh boy, TO versus McNabb for the umpteenth time. Eagles in a shocker.
MONDAY NIGHT: Ravens vs. Steelers. Big Ben is indeed back, although he takes a backseat to about four quarterbacks in the league. Steelers should win this.

Best. Commercial. Ever.

2007-10-24T23:18:00.000-05:00

In honor of the Unofficial Catch Phrase of BlanketyBlog, the epic mid-'90s Snickers ad.

Ahhhh.....almost makes me want to become a Kansas City fan.

Almost.

BlanketyBlog Toilet Bowl, Week Seven

2007-10-22T23:49:00.001-05:00

Blah blah blah. Yeah, not much happened. The Turds remain the same:

Miami got obliterated by the Cheatriots.
The Rams lost to, uh, let me see...the Seahawks. Yeah.

Prediction wise, I sucked horribly. 4-7-2. Bleh.

WEEK EIGHT:

Bye Byes: Falcons, Cowboys, Chiefs (but here's the obligatory Great Googly Moogly!), Cardinals, Seahawks, Ravens

Colts vs. Panthers. Possible trap game? Computer says "No!" Colts by a dozen.
Lions vs. Bears. Normally, the Lions would be the shitty team getting wasted by Da Bears. Not this time. Lions by ten.
Steelers vs. Bengals. What happened to Cincy? At least we've been spared Chad Johnson acting like a moron. Steelers by two touchdowns.
Giants vs. Dolphins. In London!! That just means Miami will suck on both sides on the Atlantic. Giants, by whatever measurement the British use.
Eagles vs. Vikings. Meh. Eagles in an upset, by a touchdown.
Browns vs. Rams. Heh. Browns by five.
Raiders vs. Titans. Will Vince play? Take yer pick.
Bills vs. Jets. At least both these teams can take solace in the fact that they're not the suckiest team in the AFC East. Bills by nine.
Texans vs. Chargers. Surefire Prediction: this game won't be played in San Diego. Chargers win anyways, by 20.
Jaguars vs. Buccaneers. Both teams can take pride that they're not the suckiest team in Florida. Tampa by eight.
Redskins vs. Patriots. Snore. NOTE TO MADDEN: Please put Tom Brady on the cover of Madden '09. Take yer pick.
Saints vs. 49ers. Well, uh....49ers by six.
WHAT? NO SUNDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL??? NO HAVING TO SIT THROUGH THAT INSIDIOUS OPENING THEME SONG? YAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!
GUESS THAT MEANS I HAVE TO BITCH ABOUT HANK WILLIAMS JR. AND HIS INCREASINGLY SAD PERFORMANCE OF "ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?" DO WE REALLY NEED A BUNCH OF YUTZ MUSICIANS IN THE BACKGROUND? WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME THIS SONG ACTUALLY WAS DONE RIGHT FOR MNF?: Packers vs. Broncos. My head hurts after posting all that. Hey, I picked against my Orange Crush and they ended up with the win! Hell, I feel lucky!! Packers, pick yer points.

BlanketyBlog Toilet Bowl, Week Six

2007-10-16T17:04:00.000-05:00

Well, what an interesting weekend it was!! We had our penultimate Plunge, as the New Orleans Saints are finally on the board with an upset win over Seattle.

That of course leaves just two Turds remaining:

The Rams were obliterated by the Ravens.
Flashback to last week, and I quote: Is this where Miami's futility ends? Computer says "No!" Browns by 10. Hmm.....Browns 41, Dolphins 31. Daaaaaamn!

Speaking of damn, my "shits and giggles" pick of the Vikings by a field goal over the Bears came true!! Overall, I pulled a 7-3-2 and one game I totally forgot about (Raiders/Chargers; I would have picked the Chargers anyway, so that'd be 8-3-2. ).

WEEK SEVEN

Bye-Byes: Browns, Packers, Chargers, Panthers

Ravens vs. Bills. Poor Buffalo. Ravens by 15.
Buccaneers vs. Lions. Meh. Meh. Meh. Lions by six.
Titans vs. Texans. MADDEN CURSE! MADDEN CURSE! MADDEN CURSE! Take yer pick.
Patriots vs. Dolphins. I will seriously shit in my pants if the Dolphins actually win. Patriots by about a hundred.
Falcons vs. Saints. Last year this would have been a good game. Falcons by a dozen.
49ers vs. Giants. Two decades ago, this would have been a good game. Trent Dilfer is like forty years older than Eli. Then again, look at what Vinny Testaverde did against Arizona. I'll go with the Giants, pick yer points.
Jets vs. Bengals. The Bengals sure fizzled, didn't they? Jets in an upset by six.
Chiefs vs. Raiders. When the AFL existed, this would have been a good game. Have I forgotten something. Oh--- GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY!! Raiders in an upset by a TD.
Vikings vs. Cowboys. This game may actually be interesting. Adrian Peterson's been a surprise, and could keep the Cowboys reeling. I'm feeling lucky; Vikings in an upset, pick yer points.
Bears vs. Eagles. This could be a good game. Da Bears Still Suck. Eagles by ten.
Rams vs. Seahawks. The Seahawks lost to a former Turd, could another loss to another Turd be possible? Computer says "No!" Seahawks by 20.
SUNDAY NIGHTER WHICH WOULD HAVE BEEN GOOD AROUND 1998, ALTHOUGH IT WOULD HAVE BEEN ON TNT. ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO THAT GODAWFUL "WAITING ALL DAY FOR SUNDAY NIGHT": Steelers vs. Broncos. Pittsburgh is refreshed. Denver's still reeling. May my Maker strike me down, but I'm going with the Steelers, pick yer points.
MONDAY NIGHTER: Colts vs. Jaguars. Trap game? Hmm. Take yer pick.

BlanketyBlog Toilet Bowl Week Five

2007-10-07T22:13:00.000-05:00

Yeah, it's early and two games have yet to go final, but I thought I'd get a jump on next week.

Anyhoo, we don't Plunge anyone this week:

Amusingly, the Dolphins, Saints and Rams all lost by a field goal. To Houston, Carolina and Arizona respectively.

So far this weekend, I've fared quite better, posting an 8-2-2 mark. The Cowboys and Bills play Monday, but I can't see the Cowboys losing to the Bills (famous last words).

WEEK SIX:

Bye-Byes: Bills, Broncos, Lions, Colts, Steelers and 49ers.

Rams vs Ravens. Heh heh, it doesn't get any better for St. Louis, does it? Ravens by 23.
Vikings vs. Bears. Meh. For shits and giggles, Vikings by a field goal.
Dolphins vs. Browns. Is this where Miami's futility ends? Computer says "No!" Browns by 10.
Redskins vs. Packers. Hmm. Green Bay needs to step up the running. However, I don't know how the game right now will end, so another take yer pick situation.
Texans vs. Jaguars. Both have decent records. I'll go with the Jags by six.
Bengals vs. Chiefs. Great Googly Moogly!! Bengals by 12.
Eagles vs. Jets. Yawn. Eagles by a point.
Titans vs. Buccaneers. Is this where Vince Young falls victim to the Madden Curse? Tampa in an upset, pick yer points.
Panthers vs. Cardinals. The Kurt Warner era begins, again! Cards by a touchdown.
Patriots vs. Cowboys. Ooooh, this could be a battle of unbeatens! Who wants to stay undefeated longer? Take yer pick. PS: Tom Brady, you're undefeated. Stop whining, you little bitch.
THE NBC SUNDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL THEME MAKES HANK WILLIAMS JR'S OVERBLOWN MONDAY NIGHT THEME SOUND LIKE A WORK OF ART: Saints vs. Seahawks. One that looked good on paper in July, not so good in October. Seahawks by 15.
MONDAY NIGHT SHITE: Giants vs. Falcons. Meh. Giants, pick yer points.

BlanketyBlog Toilet Bowl Week Four

2007-10-03T22:34:00.000-05:00

Brought to you by Liquid Plum'r!!

And then there were three....yep, two teams got Plunged:

The Bills got Plunged via their win over the Jets.
The Falcons also got Plunged with a win over the Texans.

Our Three Turds?

The Saints had a bye.
The Dolphins lost to Oakland.
The Rams were shellacked by the Cowboys.

Prediction wise, I sucked. How does 5-6-3 sound? Perhaps I will fare better this go-round.

Bye Byes: Bengals, Raiders, Vikings, Eagles

Dolphins vs. Texans. If Miami loses, they really do suck. Houston by nine.
Jaguars vs. Chiefs: Great Googly Moogly, the AFC West has three teams tied for first! Jaguars win, pick yer points.
Browns vs. Patriots. Booooo! Pats by a dozen.
Panthers vs. Saints. Two heavily favored teams at the beginning of the year have done jack squat. I'll give the edge to the Panthers by six.
Jets vs. Giants. The Battle of New York. Eli's Comin'!!! Giants by a touchdown.
Seahawks vs. Steelers, the heavily (sic) anticipated Super Bowl XL rematch! And once again, the Steelers will come out on top by four.
Cardinals vs. Rams. Let's just say there'll still be three Turds after Sunday. Cards by 10.
Lions vs. Redskins. The Lions may very well be the surprise team of the NFL. I'll go with them by five.
Buccaneers vs. Colts. The Peyton Express keeps on rolling. Colts by 17.
Chargers vs. Broncos. Last year this would have been the Chargers by a landslide. Considering the slide San Diego is in, this is a perfect game for My Orange Crush to break their slide. Yes, I'll pick the Broncos, pick yer points.
Ravens vs. 49ers. Meh. Take yer pick.
SOMEWHERE, FRANK CALIENDO IS GETTING NEW MATERIAL: Bears vs. Packers. The Bears are showing the signs of the Curse of the Super Bowl Loser. However, Brett Favre can't carry the whole team on his back. Take yer pick.
MONDAY NIGHTER: Cowboys vs. Bills. If this was 1993, this would have been one of the biggest games of the year. Another Monday Night Shitter. Cowboys by 20.

BlanketyBlog NFL Toilet Bowl Week 3

2007-09-25T00:10:00.000-05:00

Holy shite, I'm early for once!!!

The Toilet is slowly emptying...we have now Plunged five more teams from the Toilet, leaving us with just five Turd Teams remaining.

Which five got Plunged?

Great Googly Moogly! The Chiefs beat the Vikings to earn their Plunger.
The New York Jets beat fellow Turd Team Miami to get Plunged.
Eli's comin'!!! The New York Giants got plunged thanks to their win over Washington.
The Philadelphia Eagles got Plunged thanks to an impressive win over the Lions.
Holy shit!!!! The Oakland Raiders are the surprise Plunge of the week, beating Cleveland thanks to some shenanigans they learned from their game against the Broncos.

As for the five remaining Turds:

Well, obviously the Dolphins.
It doesn't get any easier for the Bills, does it? New England's still a bunch of smarmy douchebag cheaters.
The Falcons lost to Carolina.
Break out the paper bags! The Ain'ts are Coming!! The Madden Curse hasn't hit Vince Young yet.
Finally, the Rams, who got spanked by Tampa Bay.

Overall, my Week Three predictions turned out slightly better. I went 10-4-2. In fact, I actually nailed the score of the Jets-Dolphins game. Yaay!! Season standings are 17-12-3.

Time for some Week Four predictions!!

Bye Byes: Titans, Saints, Redskins, Jaguars

Texans vs. Falcons. Matt Schaub returns to his old stomping grounds, and will make Atlanta wish they hadn't let him go, especially after what's happened since. Texans by four.
Jets vs. Bills. It just doesn't get any easier for Buffalo, does it? Jets by 17.
Ravens vs. Browns. Basically, Old Browns vs. New Browns. Old Browns by 13.
Rams vs. Cowboys. Meh. Cowboys by 20.
Bears vs. Lions. This sounds crazy, but I'll go with Detroit in an upset by a field goal.
Raiders vs. Dolphins: normally, the Dolphins have one win at this point and Oakland would still be winless. However, I'm predicting a Plunge; the Dolphins, pick yer points.
Packers vs. Vikings. Fearless prediction: Brett Favre will break the TD record at the Humpty Dump. Take yer pick.
Buccaneers vs. Panthers. Meh. Tampa by 7.
Seahawks vs. 49ers. Meh. Seahawks by 6.
Steelers vs. Cardinals. Heh. Steelers by 20.
Broncos vs. Colts. SHIT! Take yer pick.
Chiefs vs. Chargers. Great Googly Moogly, the Chiefs actually have a shot!! Still, San Diego's got to be awfully pissed. The Chargers, pick yer points.
Sunday Nighter: Eagles vs. Giants. Well, Eli might come, you never know. Hell, I'll go with the Giants by 5.
MONDAY NIGHT WELL, THAT'S A BETTER MATCHUP THAN TITANS-SAINTS: Patriots vs. Bengals. Well, there'll be a massive display of egos and acts of douchebaggery. I could give a shit about this matchup because I can't stand either team. Take yer pick!

The BlanketyBlog NFL Toilet Bowl Week Two!!

2007-09-20T22:18:00.000-05:00

Yep, it's that time of week; time to dwell on who got plunged and who's still floating in the Can of Mediocrity.

We now have ten Turd Teams remaining. Yep, some teams got Plunged. But who?

Surprisingly, Cleveland had a helluva game against the Bengals. 51-45? Whodathunk this would be the game of the week? Hence, the Browns get Plunged.
Jacksonville beat fellow Turd Team Atlants.
Tampa Bay also got Plunged, beating another Turd Team in New Orleans.
Arizona upset Seattle. Plunger for the Cards!
Baltimore beat those hapless Jets.
Da Bears beat the Chefs. Great googly moogly!

So what happened to the ten Turds?

Der, Atlanta lost.
Ditto New Orleans.
And the New York Jets.
And the Chiefs. Great Googly Moogly.
The Giants matched their Big Apple counterparts in futility by losing quite embarrassingly to the Packers. Good Lord, last year at this time their record were practically opposite.
The Bills got pasted by the Steelers.
The Rams got pipped by the 49ers by a point.
The Dolphins were hooked by the Cowboys.
The Raiders got bamboozled by the Broncos in overtime.
The Eagles were beat by the Redskins.

Prediction wise, I went a pathetic 7-8-1 (the tie being the nonpick between New England and San Diego. I mentioned "pick 'em" for few teams; that meant I selected them, but not by points. This time I'll be more specific with the picks. If you see "Take Yer Pick", that'll be a non-selection)

And now, a look at Week Three:

Cardinals vs. Ravens. Meh. Ravens by 13.
Chargers vs. Packers. It's gonna be ugly at Lambeau Field. The Chargers by 20.
Colts vs. Texans. Someone's getting their first loss. Most likelyHouston. Pick yer points.
Vikings vs. Chiefs. Great Googly Moogly, the Chefs can't possibly go 0-3, can they? Against those Horrid Purple Unis? Take yer pick.
Bills vs. Patriots. Buffalo drew a pretty shitty schedule, didn't they? New England by 30. Tom Brady's still a douche.
Dolphins vs Jets. A Plunger Game!! Seeing as how the Jets have owned Miami these past few years, I'll go with New York by a field goal.
Lions vs. Eagles. Detroit's won their two games for the year. Philly by 10.
49ers vs. Steelers. Two teams with a winning tradition. Take yer pick.
Rams vs. Buccaneers. Meh. Tampa by 9.
Jaguars vs. Broncos. Denver can't possibly win three in a row on a winning FG, can they? Can they? Why the hell not? Denver by a field goal, preferably in the last seconds.
Browns vs. Raiders. Shit, I'll be shocked if this actually happens, but I'll go with Oakland in an upset. Take your points.
Bengals vs. Seahawks. It'll rain. Chad Johnson will still act like an asshat. Seahawks by 5.
Panthers vs. Falcons. What kind of reaction will Atlanta get at home? Panthers by 11.
Giants vs. Redskins? Is Eli comin'? God, I love Three Dog Night. Redskins by a touchdown.
Sunday Flush: Cowboys vs. Bears. Thugs vs. Thugs. Rex Grossman will still suck. Bears by a deuce.
MONDAY NIGHT SHITTER: Titans vs. Saints. Bad NFL scheduling strikes again!! Titans by a field goal.

The 2007 BlanketyBlog NFL Toilet Bowl!!!

2007-09-12T22:47:00.000-05:00

For those of you that actually give a flying rip, last year I took a look at the cream of the crap: namely, the teams that would do jack shit in the NFL week after week after bye week. The winning (er, losing) team was none other than the godawful Oakland Raiders, the last team to get a win. They, however, got a quarterback who got greedy and sat out all of preseason. Asshat.

Anyhoo, the name's changed but the game's the same. After Week One, we have 16 teams in the Toilet, so to speak. From now until we have one Turd Team still 0-for-whatever, each team that gets win number one gets the Super Sweet Plunger of Delight, thereby flushing themselves out of contention.

Potty humor asides, here's the 16 Turd Teams of 2007 (wow, and alliterations too!):

the Miami Dolphins, who lost in overtime to a surprising Washington squad

the Buffalo Bills. However, losing to Denver is the least of their worries this week.

the New York Jets, although they finally exposed Bill Belichick for the cheating fucker that he is.

the Baltimore Ravens, coming up short to the felons from Cincy.

the Cleveland Browns. Seriously, are you surprised? You really think they'd beat the Steelers?

the Jacksonville Jaguars, pipped by the Titans.

the Oakland Raiders. Shit, they played the perennial NFC Turds from Detroit.

the Kansas City Chiefs. Wow, the Texans actually won their season opener for the first time since, well, must've been when they first started playing.

the Philadelphia Eagles. Their special teams fucked up big time, giving the Packers their first season opening win since 2002.

the New York Giants, made to be the Cowboys' bitches yet again. Eli's not comin',

Da Chicago Bears. Rex Grossman continues to prove that he sucks.

the New Orleans Saints. A shame someone had to play the Colts.

the Atlanta Falcons. Poor bastards. I still hate the Vikings.

the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Who in the hell'd they play? Oh, the Seahawks.

the St. Louis Rams. Oh, the Panthers.

the Arizona Cardinals. Holy crap, the 49ers actually won a game too!

And now, what fate befalls these Turd Teams in Week 2?

Texans vs. Panthers. Daylight come, and you gotta Delhomme. Panthers by 14.

Bengals vs. Browns. Hah! Bengals by 30.

Falcons vs. Jaguars. Someone's getting Plunged! Methinks it'll be Jacksonville by 2.

Packers vs. Giants. Eli's not sure whether he's comin'. If the Giants' D look like they did Sunday, the Packers should win. Pick 'em.

Bills vs. Steelers. Big Ben and Co. go 2-0 by 20.
49'ers vs. Rams. San Fran's been hot, so I'll go with them by 12.
Saints vs. Buccaneers. Somebody's getting plunged. New Orleans is most likely, probably by a touchdown.
Colts vs. Titans. Peyton will be too much for Vince Young. Colts by 30.
Seahawks vs. Cardinals. Meh.....take yer pick.
Vikings vs. Lions. Eeeh.....der, Lions by 40.
Cowboys vs. Dolphins. Fond memories of Leon Lett fucking up in the snow on Turkey Day...nostalgia favors the Dolphins by 5.
Jets vs. Ravens. Another Plunger goes to the winner of this game. The Jets should improve this week, but not by much. Pick 'em.
Chiefs vs. Bears. Ahh, fond nostalgia of the old Snickers commercial. Great googly moogly, the Chefs by 12.
Raiders vs. Broncos. Do you even have to ask? Broncos by eleventy billion.
Chargers vs Cheaters--er, Patriots. The Chargers are gonna have sweet revenge on their minds, and will hopefully wipe that fucking smirk off Tom Brady's face. Pick yer points.
Monday Night Snore: Redskins vs. Eagles. Well, it can't be that dull, unless McNabb gets hurt again. Eagles by 9.

Have fun!!

Have You Forgotten??

2007-09-11T22:26:00.000-05:00

Guess Who's Back, Back Again...

2007-09-08T23:20:00.000-05:00

Lazy bee-yotch typing this blog, back again....

Either I'm lazy, or I haven't found the time to post on here. Anyways, I'm doing perfectly fine. Well, except for I burned my hand yesterday and I now have the Nike swoosh branded near my thumb. Yeah, it hurt like a bitch. No, I don't have a photo. Yet.

Family wise, they're all fine. Especially the bebe. Would you like to see a recent photo of her? No? Well, tough titty.

(FYI, that's her uncle Turd Boy holding her.)

And because I can, one more...

Yeah, that's the good stuff. According to the doctor, she's above average in height. Considering her daddy is 6' 1", that was probably going to happen. Little Alexzandrea just turned five months old on Thursday. Hard to believe she's been here nearly half a year. She does have a penchant for inhaling a bottle the way an alcoholic would a 12 oz. longneck. Then she spews all over me and smiles her lil' head off. How can you not laugh at that?

Speaking of the Turd, he's in his fourth year of college. He'll make one hell of an engineer.

As for my quiet little pissant redneck podunk white trash Blue Hills town, it's been five years since Mother Nature fucked us over F-3 style. Five years later, I think that Ladyville's doing just fine. A Country Kitchen (not Buffet, sadly) is set to open within days, and next month our Wal-Mart will open. And we'll actually have real honest to God traffic lights!! We're moving up in the world!

Monday, the Sports Desk gets dusted off. Between college foosball and the NFL, baseball and NASCAR, there's a shitload of sports on the docket. I've also got some special stuff planned for this fall, if I'm not lazy enough to forget. Until then, good fright!

Out of the Woodwork Again

2007-07-04T16:48:00.000-05:00

Happy 4th of July to my Yankee friends!! To those of you foreigners, a good Wednesday to you.

What in hell have I been up to since my last post (which, according to the linky is May 23)? A little. Not a whole lot, but I've been keeping busy.

First off, baby news...little Alexzandrea has porked up!! In two months, she's gone from 5 to 7 pounds! Allegedly she's beginning to smile, but either I haven't been around or I've been too lazy to check out the family digital photo album. Maybe if I'm not too damn lazy this weekend I'll post some random photos of shit. The bebe, Turd Boy's Vegas Vacation, and whatever looney shit we've been crazed enough to take photos of.

I just went to another Brewers game a few weeks ago. Would've been nice if they had won...or if Jenkins, Fielder and Hardy were playing. On the bright side, I got a Bill Hall bobblehead, and got to see Corey Hart (no, not the singer) crack a homer in the ninth to send it to extra innings, though. We even tailgated! Good times, albeit alcohol (and Dew) free. Then I went on a honey-wheat roll binge at the Texas Roadhouse. Those things are damn tasty.

Later this week, along with the promise of photos, The Sports Desk will get dusted off. There's shitloads of sports news to talk about. As for now, I'm gonna go watch me some fireworks. Toodles!

Oh, Look Who's Finally Posting!!

2007-05-23T21:44:00.000-05:00

After another month of gathering dust, I thought it'd be time to update the ol' blog.

First off, here's somebody looking super cuuuuute....

This is little Alexzandrea, my now one-month old niece. She was supposed to arrive on May 18, but she had other plans. Let's just say when you get home from Good Friday services and half the family's in disarray....yeah.

Most of us were, to put it lightly, a bit pissed when we were told only immediate family would be allowed. My brother actually had to finagle a bit to get my parents to see her! About one week later, she was allowed to leave under warnings that she had to go back if she turned yellow. Yep, she spent a few more days in there. It wasn't until the third weekend of April, I believe, when I finally got to hold her for the first time. Boy, was she tiny. She looked like one of those dolls you get at Wal-Mart with the movable eyelids.

As of now, she's eight pounds, a decent length, and possesses the mighty power of flatulence that runs in the family. She's still gorgeous.

As for me, I'm still going on going on. Turd Boy is now legal age. He's currently in Vegas. Hopefully, what happens to him in Vegas, well....you know the rest.

Speaking of, who are the ad wizards that gave the Geico cavemen their own show? What's next, Wilford Brimley on his horse in a show about a diabetic in love with the Liberty Medical representative? Mehhhhh.

I'll probably stop while I'm ahead...I'm going to see if the Brewers actually scored some runs.

Happy Easter!!!

2007-04-08T19:08:00.000-05:00

Yeah, it's been a busy month. I'll update sometime this week on my springtime plans.

But today, wow. This truly is the day the Lord has made. Absolutely beautiful. Just a wonderful day to celebrate the Resurrection.

To make this an even greater weekend, I now have a little niece to dote on; Alexzandrea Irene, born on Good Friday at 5:47 PM. A few weeks early, but from looking at the pictures, she is sooo cute (and takes after her daddy). The only drawback is that nobody can see her because my town's been stricken with the whooping cough. Technically, only "immediate family" is allowed, and my brother had to finagle just to get my parents in. I'm screwed either way, because I had a cold this past week. Considering that the hospital staff is stupid to begin with (I would've used some sentence enhancers, but it's Easter and I threw five bucks to atone for my filthy language today at Mass), we're dumbfounded. Oh well.

Anyways, I hope those of you that celebrate Easter had as wonderful a day as I.

Cussin' for Jesus '07 Tally One

2007-03-10T00:14:00.000-06:00

Yeah, I finally motivated myself long enough to take inventory of my coarse language (hey, if I wasn't a Republican, I would've been hired by John Edwards' campaign. ZING!). But I can't count all the cusses by myself. So I recruited someone who knows their numbers. Ladies and Gentleman, THE COUNT!!

Greetings, Hannah! Ah ha ha!

Well, Count, it's very nice of you to take time out of your somewhat busy schedule counting...hmm, you look a bit weird.

Vhat, you haw newer seen me animated? Goodness, you haw changed!

OK, Hannah, I shall count your cusses now. One cuss word! Two cuss words! Three cuss words! Four cuss words!.......

SOME TIME LATER....

...thirty cuss words! Thirty-one cuss words! THIRTY-TWO CUSS WORDS! HA HA HA!!

Thank you very much, Count. I'll let you go back now counting the piles of crap left by Bert's pigeons.

So that makes thirty-two profanities posted on this page. At a nickel a cuss, that's a whopping $1.60 in the pot! I think I've declined in cursing compared to last year's tally; of course last year I wasn't freaking lazy either.

So that'll be the tally for the first few weeks. Maybe after my little TV experiment next week I can jack up the ranting. Tally ho and have a decent weekend!

Enjoy Yourselves, Bitches....It's a Celebration!!

2007-03-08T22:53:00.000-06:00

This is the 100th post on what started as a shitty idea to begin with. Two years later, I'm still ranting about something or nothing in particular, and I've now hit the century mark posting caffeine-fueled whatnot.

First off, a thank you to the lurkers who have somehow staggered into here, even if you didn't feel like commenting. To any others who came here not looking at the GSN Boards, thank you too.

OK, now that the ass-kissing is out of the way, there's a few things I'll probably touch off on.

First, our dumbfuck governor should encourage the tourism board to change our state slogan. Remember back in the day when it was "WISCONSIN: You're Among Friends"? They ought to change it to "WISCONSIN: You're Among Morons."

Last month, we had the fool who broke down a door with a sword, thinking a woman was being raped. As it turned out, his neighbors cranked up the porn a bit too loud.

Now, we have guys setting their gonads on fire. Why is it when the Chippewa Valley makes news, it's either something tragic like the Chi-Hi bus crash, or complete fucking idiots taking themselves out of the gene pool by giving "hot dog" a new meaning?

(Wait, someone's whispering something in my ear.)

Oh, yeah....we drink too much booze. We get fucking blitzed, then we grab swords and set our privates on fire. Apparently some people didn't want to give up the happy juice for Lent.

Speaking of Lent, I'll try not to be too damn lazy and actually post the Cuss Count. Maybe I'll have a special guest or something.

Meanwhile, it's less than a month now till the MLB season begins. My Brewers...I can hardly wait to see if this is finally the year.

I hope you all watched South Park last night. Another brilliant episode taking a look at the word that got Kramer in trouble. Of course, the highlight was Cartman beating up a midget. Genius, I tell you.

The irony is that the same night this episode aired, on a lark I decided to tune in on a show most of us watched before we became foul-mouthed gonad-lighting sword lovers; Sesame Street. (I was bored and sick of watching the same clip of Kobe Bryant smacking some dude in the face, honest!) My God, what's happened to this show? It's become Elmo's World!! No wonder South Park is so huge, we got traumatized watching the Little Red Menace take over the show. Where's Grover? Grover kicks ass! I'm 24 years old, and I'm admitting I still love a furry blue monster who taught us exercise by running til complete exhaustion long before it was cool!! Yaaaayy!!

Actually, that may be a whole 'nother post. Here's something that I plan to do: for one week, I'll sit through a week of Sesame Street, followed up by whatever South Park episode is on that night. It'll be an interesting experiment in seeing where the hell we went wrong. I bet I'll have at least ten references to Gonad Torches before the week is over.

Now that that's out of the way, wow. 100 posts! I guess it's more about quality.

Post 101 should be tomorrow. I'm going to drink some Dew and see if I can't set parts of my body on fire after watching Grover do "Near and Far."

March is Around the Corner...

2007-02-28T22:09:00.000-06:00

Because it sure as hell is going to come in as a lion.

The weather situation reminded me of that old joke about the person who moved to Wisconsin. Each day, the person remarked how lovely everything was, until it started to snow. Gradually, the shovels break, the words "shit" and "fuck" are uttered every other sentence (at one point, the person gets so pissed at the snowplow man they break the last shovel "over his fucking head.") And then they move to Georgia and wonder why anyone would move to Wisconsin. That's classic shit, and I actually had a copy tucked in my beaten up copy of Poems Lewd and Lusty (speaking of, I should look for that on eBay).

It's a lot of snow, but at least we're not Oswego, New York. Poor bastards. I bet the kids loved having a month of school off. Who needs a fucking education, anyways? You watch that new game show on FOX where the kids are smarter than the UCLA grad or the computer expert? I rest my case.

Gaah, what else do I have to talk about? Oh, yes, NASCAR. Mark Martin's running a part-time schedule, yet leads the points. Now he's got a major decision to make: keep on racing, or keep to your original plan? The results of the next two races will no doubt be a factor. I don't know if I want to see those godawful Cars of Tomorrow.

I wish I had more to ramble on about, but I don't. Friday, if I remember, I'll put out the first tally of Cussin' for Jesus '07.

It's That Time Again...

2007-02-21T22:39:00.000-06:00

Lent is here! Along with the 40 days, comes the 40-day fundraiser. Formerly the Lenten Cuss Box, I've changed it to something more amusing: Cussin' for Jesus. Every profanity posted on this blog during Lent results in a five-cent donation to the CFJ Box. Wait until the Liberal ass-kissing fiesta Sunday night...that should be a few bucks there.

I don't know when in hell I'll post the first update. Probably whenever I damn feel like it.

By the way, "ManBearPig" airs Wednesday night on Comedy Central.

Fuck you, Al Gore....ManBearPig's a myth!!

A Salute to the Chicago Bears, 2006 NFC Champions

2007-02-05T23:46:00.000-06:00

Everybody sing!!

(NOTE: The Original Lyrics are by the Happy Schnapps Combo. Hell, I can't write lyrics this brilliant, so I can't claim this as my own. You should find an audio copy of this too...sheer genius, unless you're a Bears fan)

("On Wisconsin" fanfare)
How many times must we take this disgrace
Another Bears fan throwing insults in our face
The Packers are the greatest team to ever play the game
Even if from time to time they've been a little lame

How could you ever love a team with Jim McMahon?
Not even Porky Pig was as big a ham
They've got a reputation that's mostly based on luck
Da Bears! Still! Suck!

Da Bears Still Suck!
Da Bears Still Suck!
Da Bears Still Suck!
Da Bears Still Suck!
They really really really really really really suck
Yes, Da Bears! Still! Suck!

("On Wisconsin" instrumental)

If you drive to Soldier Field they make you pay a toll
For Cripes' Sake, they only won one lousy Super Bowl
They make fun of Wisconsin, but we don't get upset
Where do you think that they're all headed every chance they get?

We don't really hold a grudge 'cause this is all in fun
As far as football rivalries, we're both Number One
Still we wouldn't mind seein' Ditka run over by a bus
'Cause Da Bears! Still! Suck!

Da Bears Still Suck!
Da Bears Still Suck!
Da Bears Still Suck!
Da Bears Still Suck!
They really really really really really really suck
Yes, Da Bears! Still! Suck!

All the ladies now!

(Women singing)
Da Bears Still Suck!
Da Bears Still Suck!
Da Bears Still Suck!
Da Bears Still Suck!
They really really really really really really suck
Yes, Da Bears! Still! Suck!

Everybody Now!

Da Bears Still Suck!
Da Bears Still Suck!
Da Bears Still Suck!
Da Bears Still Suck!
They really really really really really really suck
Yes, Da Bears! Stilllll! Suuuuuck!!

Hey!

YAAAAAY COLTS!!!

(And this is coming from a Broncos fan. Peyton, Tony...You freakin' deserved the Lombardi trophy!)

My Early Super Bowl XLII Prediction....
Broncos 2,456, Vikings -8 (-28 with wind chill)

One Down, Eleven to Go

2007-01-30T23:58:00.000-06:00

First off, the first post of 2007!!

2006 ended decently; while my Broncos lost, the Packers kicked Da Bears' asses. Who in Wisconsin didn't get emotional watching Brett Favre's interview? Well, I suppose not the Vikings or Lions fans. It'll be a sad day in Cheeseheadland when Brett makes that announcement. Hopefully, it won't be until 2008 so I can see my older brother get insanely pissed over Favre breaking Dan Marino's records.

I should tip a hat of sorts to the Packers (who I actually began to pull for once more near the end of the season), for improving from last year's disaster. Apparently AJ Hawk was the correct pick. I see this team going over .500 in the fall.

As for the Broncos...yes, I was pissed over how that game ended. Royally pissed. However, when I learned that Darrent Williams was killed in a drive-by, pretty much all of Denver forgot that game rather quick.

January began on a sad note. After Williams' death (whick kind of took the fun out of watching the Badgers make school history with their Capital One Bowl win...12-1 is Bucky's best finish, yet they get screwed again in the final poll...I'll rant on that later), my hometown of Ladysmith was hit by some incredibly sad news. The day after, my co-workers and I found out that our elderly lobby worker had died. I guess the old "deaths come in three" adage came true for me. :(

At the end of the week, though, there was a little ray of sunshine. I should flashback to early October, 2006...

I was sitting at the computer browsing when my mom walked in the room.

In our traditional "ask a vague question" style, she said "Did you hear?"

Of course, I said "What?"

Mom said, " You didn't hear?"

"Uh, no."

"We're going to be grandpa and grandma again!"

Well, sitting there, I knew I wasn't pregnant, and my older sister is content with two boys.

My first thought, as usual, was "Turd Boy?" Nope. It's my older brother Chad and his girlfriend. Turd Boy would be a complete moron if he did that during college. Then again, I didn't think Chad was planning on a kid yet.

Back to January, based on the first ultrasound, it looks like I'm finally going to be able to spoil a niece. Yaaay!!

Other than the previous stuff, it's been a quiet month. February will bring Catechism (and the inevitable tradition of keeping six sugar-fueled kindergartners quiet through Ash Wednesday services), a trip to my aunt's to watch Super Bowl XLI, tax time (crossing my fingers in hope that when I file, I'll get most of my cash money back), and Lent.

Speaking of Lent, something will be brought back once again. HINT: Simpsons did it.

For now, it's time to turn in. See you on the flip side, my peeps!

The HMO Christmas '06 Mix! Part Two!

2006-12-18T23:41:00.000-06:00

Yep, time for the conclusion of this annual non-tradition. Yesterday I tackled my favorite religious songs and today I'll tackle my favorite secular Christmas songs, replete with smartass comments.

I should probably start off with the unofficial family theme song "Merry Christmas from the Family," a tribute to those dysfunctional family gatherings. This song will forever bring back memories of Christmas 2004, aka Pukepalooza. For more reference, look for the "12 Days of Hell" post from January '05.
"Deck the Halls." The Muppets had a helluva good version. For me, though, I'll forever remember it from the Chinese singers in A Christmas Story. Lest I come off as a Rosie O'Fatass ripoff, I'll refrain from posting the lyrics.
"The Twelve Days of Christmas." There's a few variations of it that I like: The Muppets' version (my 29-year-old sister cracks up when Beaker "sings"), the Sesame Street version (where I snigger at the mere thought of Bert and "five argyle socks." And Cookie Monster...Eatin' Cookie. Aggh!), and Bob Rivers' "Twelve Pains" parody, which is an absolute riot.
"The Night Santa Went Crazy" by Weird Al. Not for younger listeners, especially the extra gory version where a SWAT guy busts a cap in Santa.
Another Weird Al songs, "Christmas at Ground Zero," which tells of the fun we'll have after Iran and North Korea nuke us and we blame Bush. Because, like everything is Bush's fault. (turns off "Liberal" switch)
"Frosty the Snowman." Possibly my favorite Rankin/Bass special. As I've said before, I can do a helluva imitation of Jimmy Durante. The sequel with John Goodman was OK, but that ranks third. The first is obviously the R/B, second the recent special with Turd Ferguson as the narrator and Patrick from SpongeBob as Frosty.
"Christmas, Baby (Please Come Home)" by Darlene Love. David Letterman has declared this "the best rock and roll Christmas song" in his opinion. Note to self: tape Friday's Letterman. Darlene sings the song each year, along with Jay Thomas knocking the meatball off the tree and Paul Shaffer's "O Holy Night" performance.
"Holly Jolly Christmas" as performed by Burl Ives in that Rankin/Bass special about that reindeer with a red nose. On a side note, my dad hated Hermey the Elf with a passion. He did like Yukon Cornelius, though. VIVA BUNGLES!
"Rusty Chevrolet" by Da Yoopers, a tale of living in the Upper Midwest during the winter. Good times.
"Merry Fucking Christmas" from the South Park Christmas Album "Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics." This song features Mr. Garrison spreading goodwill around the world as only Mr. Garrison could. If you'd play it now, certain minority groups will declare war and make a horrible fuss.
"Auld Lang Syne" the first song of the New Year. Note to self: buy booze, Dew, Cheetos, Tylenol, and some batteries. Batteries? That's for me to know and you not to know.

OTHER FAVORITE THINGS:

Film-wise, I love A Christmas Story and try to watch about four times during its traditional daylong Christmas marathon. There's so many good highlights in this film: there's The Old Man cursing up a storm; Ralphie cursing in front of The Old Man and blaming it on Schwartz; the leg lamp; the kid that sticks his tongue to the flagpole, and Ralphie beating the crap out of Scut Farkus.
I'm not sure how this film became a Christmas tradition, but my sister and I are huge fans of The Sound of Music. She bought the CD not too long ago and we sang along to just about every song. Except for the one with the yodeling goats. Yeah, we're Norwegian, but we can't fucking yodel.
And on that segue, I'm now in hysterics over the words "fucking yodel," so I'll just link you here. Suck on that, Von Trapps!
If it's a Rankin/Bass Christmas special, by default it kicks ass. Unless it's the one with the Leprechaun and his Christmas gold. I still don't get that one.
I just purchased the soundtrack to A Charlie Brown Christmas. It's good stuff, man.
I still need to purchase Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics. There's more than just Mr. Garrison's song, m'kay?
And WGN in 2005 put out a special highlighting its three kids show. The most prominent was of course Bozo. Any Midwestern child growing up in the early '60s - late '90s will remember that Bozo always had three classic Christmas shorts: "Suzy Snowflake," "Frosty the Snowman," and the immortal "Hardrock, Coco and Joe." The latter is quite possibly the most ass-kickingest black-and-white animated clip EVER. It even has yodeling! (Fuck, you just can't get enough of it!!) And yep, more than a few Midwesterners have it on YouTube. I picked one at random which you can find here. Tell him BlanketyBlog sent you.

I should probably put the ribbon on this before I find anymore bizarro Christmas songs.

Speaking on behalf of the rest of The Family,

Have a very Merry Christmas and a blessed 2007.

The HMO Christmas '06 Mix!! Part One

2006-12-16T16:05:00.000-06:00

It's that time of year again...the list of songs I can tolerate listening to for about a month (and up to Epiphany at Church). I decided to make this easier by doing two parts; today will be the religious songs.

In no particular order.....

"Joy to the World." This has become a sort of running joke in our family. Every Christmas Eve we go to Mass, and tradition states that one of us has to say "the last song is 'Joy to the World.'" At which point one of us, who's browsing the missalette for the roughly eight songs to be sung that night will find out that the last song is indeed "Joy to the World" and start laughing. I can't imagine this year being any different.
"O Come All Ye Faithful," which earns its infamy in the family for being the song I projectile-vomited to. I couldn't help it; I had the stomach bug but attendance was required at the Christmas program. Considering some people tape the program every year, I'm surprised as to why Bob Saget never introduced it on TV.

Speaking of the Christmas program, it was amusing seeing the mad rush to the kindergarten room after class to see the score of the Packers game. Since the program will end during roughly around the end of the third quarter, I can imagine there'll be a crowd.

"Hark the Herald Angels Sing." A classic. Thank goodness Charles Schulz was able to keep the religious stuff in A Charlie Brown Christmas because the final scenes of the kids singing this is epic.
"Little Drummer Boy." Rock-and-roll's earliest roots. Heh.
"What Child is This?" which marks a rare occurence of kids swearing at Mass. Wait till the Palm Sunday reading when they hear what Jesus rode into Jerusalem.
Anything "Emmanuel."
"O Holy Night." Best version: Cher's. See Shaffer, Paul.
"We Three Kings." You'd be surprised that religious kids make fun of this song.
"Silent Night," one the faculty grew to hate. Namely, because when we got to "Sleep in heavenly peace," we stretched "peace" into something Mariah Carey would sing.

That wraps up part one. Tomorrow or Monday, Part Two, featuring the more secular stuff, as well as my personal all-time favorites that I can't stop listening to.

BlanketyBlog Retro: The Rankin-Bass/South Park Thread

2006-12-10T23:41:00.000-06:00

In honor of the holiday specials that air non-stop until December 25, I thought I'd drag this out of storage. Being a huge South Park fan, and having watched enough Rankin/Bass specials to virtually imitate the Charlie in the Box or Jimmy Durante, I did some research and found out that Matt and Trey must be big on stop-motion too.

Let's go back, then...

I've almost made this a regular feature in my episode descriptions. For one thing, I've watched so many Rankin/Bass specials I could spot the gag in the episode.With the help of alt.tv.southpark via Google Groups, here's the list of R/B jokes in South Park:"Chef's Salty Chocolate Balls." The return appearance by Mr. Hankey. When our beloved talking poo suffers a shitty (rimshot) demise, we're treated to a solemn rendtion of the Mr. Hankey theme complete with montage. This bit was inspired by Frosty the Snowman; after Frosty melts we hear Jimmy Durante's sad version of the song, and the Frosty montage.

"Sexual Harassment Panda." After Sexual Harassment Panda is fired by the school as a result of the budget cuts resulting from the sexual harassment lawsuits, he ends up on the Island of Misfit Mascots. Of course, if you've watched Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer, you'll get the joke. If you don't, it's merely a play on "Island of Misfit Toys."

"Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics." The mailman at the beginning is a clear rip of Fred Astaire's role in Santa Claus is Coming to Town.

"Wacky Molestation Adventure." Kyle writes to Castro in Cuba to change his ways, complete with picture of sad Kyle. This was inspired by the "Blue Christmas" scene in The Year Without a Santa Claus where a sad girl writes to Santa.

"A Very Crappy Christmas." I'll be damned if it isn't a complete spoof of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas. Both plots are the same: a plot centered on bringing Christmas spirit back to a town, a child questioning the holiday (Albert/Cornwallis), an important item breaking and being fixed by the questioning child (the film/clock), and even the immortal song "Even a Miracle Needs a Hand." Even Mr. Hankey's family is an homage to the Mice family (George Gobel's character as the mouse father helping Albert fix his mistake)

"The Death Camp of Tolerance." After Lemmiwinks is shoved into Mr. Slave, the music the plays when he's traveling is inspired by The Hobbit's theme music "The Greatest Adventure."

"Red Sleigh Down." The boys, after receiving their most-wanted present, develop the Rankin/Bass faces from 'Twas the Night Before Christmas. Watch and you'll get it.

UPDATE: Here's one I totally forgot about. In "Woodland Critter Christmas," the "Christmas Comes Once a Year" song is a spoof of a song from The Year Without a Santa Claus. No, not the Miser songs.

Hopefully, Trey and Matt will insert another Rankin/Bass homage into another episode. It's neat, funny, and it makes me feel a little smarter.

By the way, if there's any reference I've missed, please include them in the comments thread.

Happy Birthday to Meee!

2006-12-09T10:28:00.000-06:00

And I'm eatin'....CUPCAKE! Ah ha ha ha ha!!

At 4:45 AM, your not-humble blogger turned 24 years of age. My birthday actually went very well. I got my winter haircut (I'm notorious in salon circles as having the thickest hair they've ever seen), and I did most of my Christmas shopping.

Present wise? 20 bucks, a $20 Bath and Body Works card, another pair of blue jeans, and the biggie, a 7" portable DVD player. We only have one DVD player in the house, so I'm limited if I want to pop in Blazing Saddles or Team America. Now with my new portable DVD player, I can watch movies in my room. Now I have to figure out what new DVDs I'd like to go with it.

Yes, I did have Mountain Dew. By my estimation, one 20 oz. bottle and a good portion of my sister's 2-liter. It goes well with pizza and cupcakes.

So now comes Christmas...I can hardly wait.

There may be some sarcasm in that.

B Minus 2...and Still Eatin' the Damn Cookie

2006-12-07T20:46:00.000-06:00

Ahhh! Make it stop!!

In other news, it's still friggin' cold. And I get paid tomorrow. Plus, it's supposed to be 40 by Saturday. In other words, perfect birthday weather.

Look for the first batch of holiday blogging by tomorrow. I'm tempted to drag out an old Christmas post, plus I'm compiling the 2006 Song List.

If you'll excuse me, I'm going to get about four blankets and some hot chocolate.

B Minus 3...and Still Eatin' Cookie

2006-12-06T22:55:00.000-06:00

Damn you, Cookie Monster!!

Yeah, I still can't get that song out of my head.

I just finished watching one of the funnier episodes of South Park's 10th season, titled "Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy." In it, your typical young blond teacher hits on an underage boy. In this case, it's Kyle's kindergarten-age brother Ike. Yeah. That's not even the best part of the episode; the episode is dominated by Cartman acting like Dog the Bounty Hunter. Good shit.

A quickie question to the readers; if it's your birthday, and you had your choice of where you wanted to eat, where would you go? That's the question I'm facing, and I'm drawing a blank.

Time to plug in the car; it's going to be cold as hell tonight.

B Minus 7....and Eatin' Cookie

2006-12-02T22:17:00.000-06:00

Ahh, December. The last month of the year, and probably the busiest too. December happens to be the hot spot on my calendar too. You have Christmas, obviously, and New Years. Of course, before all that, I have December 9 to look forward too. Yep, the Dew Goddess has a birthday on the horizon. I can see the cake already....yeah.

At least when Birthday Number 24 comes, I'll be over my second major illness of the year. I've had a sore throat that's been a pain in the ass. After the throat began aching, the nose got stuffed and swallowing was a bitch. Fortunately, enough generic Nyquil and Dayquil will do the job. As of now, it's a runny nose and the pain while swallowing is only very little. How the hell I got sick, I don't know.

Meanwhile, I've overdosed on football. Too much college, and too much NFL. Having got DISH, the NFL Network has been on my 13-inch Daewoo more often than not.

And I must be hitting that age where kiddie stuff has now become old-school; I had it on Noggin one day before work and the show happened to be Play With Me Sesame. That happens to be a show with Bert, Ernie, Prairie Dawn, and Lovable Furry Blue God--er, Grover, encouraging kids to get off their asses, exercise, and draw stuff.

What made it appealing to me is the reliance of old Sesame Street clips along with the new stuff. In said episode, we got two classic Bert and Ernie sketches. When you're younger, you really don't appreciate just how talented Jim Henson was. Of course, back then you never knew Frank Oz was Bert...and Cookie Monster...and Grover...and Fozzie Bear....and Yoda. (I was quite shocked watching The Empire Strikes Back and realizing Yoda sounded a helluva lot like Fozzie)

Anyways, the first sketch saw Ernie performing "The Magic Chain Trick" to a skeptical Bert, with the satisfying punchline at the end (Bert jokes that Ernie should turn the chain into a sandwich, which Ernie promptly does). The second saw Bert wanting to play a game. Ernie, thinking that he means outside, drags out all sorts of winter stuff. In true fashion, when Bert tells Ernie he wanted to play checkers, Ernie gets upset and shifts the blame to Bert. Cue Trademark Bert Faint.

Another old clip featured The Honkers, those monsters with horns for noses. The sketch has dual meaning; not only is a baby Honker born, but we also learn Honkers are hatched.

The clip that had me laughing was Cookie Monster singing about "Eatin' Cookie" throughout the year. The music happened to be "Makin' Whoopee." Man, the Street was awesome back in the old days; the kids were amused by the Muppets, and there were clever adult references hidden among the show. I haven't seen any episodes recently, so I think that's going to be a special this month...I'll watch a week of the new shows and see how much things have changed. That, on top of the planned holiday posts.

So, with Eatin' Cookie in the brain, time to sign off in order to light that first purple candle.

B-day minus 7......

TWOOOO ANNIVERSARY CAAAAKES!!

2006-11-07T23:17:00.000-06:00

Yeah, it's been a few weeks. I didn't even notice that last month marked the 2nd anniversary of BlanketyBlog (formerly The Blank Whatever I Feel Like Doing Blog, then after realizing that was a shitty title, The Olson Files, until I realized that Dateline bait may be reading this.

Thanks to everybody who's lurked over here in the past two years, with a special thanks to lisnews.org for linking to my Lynn Angell tribute.

I'll have more updates in such in the next couple weeks, as I have loads of shit to catch up on, as well as prepare that soon-to-be famous holiday tradition, The HMO Christmas Song List.

I'm actually tempted to start posting wacky clips from YouTube hear. Do feel free to comment, as well as add any suggestions to make this place less sucky.

One final thank you: to the Packers for embarrassing the shit out of the Vikings at the Humpty Dump. And to the Broncos for avoiding the embarrassment of losing to the Raiders.

Here's to many more years of BlanketyBlog goodness!

Doughnut Derby: WE HAVE A WINNER!!!

2006-10-16T22:21:00.000-05:00

And that would be the Oakland Raiders, whose record went to 0-5 after a loss to the Broncos (yaay!). Congratulations Oakland, you officially suck!!

As you know, we started Week Six with four Derby contenders.

Detroit scored the first Swizzle Stick of the day with a 20-17 win over the hapless Bills.
Tennesee held off the Redskins 25-22 for their Swizzle Stick.
Finally, Tampa Bay earned their Swizzle Stick, albeit in a slightly controversial fashion, by holding on to a 14-13 win over the Bengals.

Week Seven Matchups

Byees: Bears, Titans, Rams, Saints, 49ers, Ravens

Steelers vs. Falcons: Yeesh, this one's a bit difficult. Neither team's done terribly well this season, so I'll base it on Week Six. Steelers, but it'll be close.

Patriots vs. Bills: Logic says pick the Pats.

Panthers vs. Bengals: The Panthers are beginning to show why many experts picked them to go all the way this year. I'll pick Carolina by a TD.

Jaguars vs. Texans: Jaguars, seeing as they had a bye and therefore are a bit fresh.

Chargers vs. Chiefs: Remember that old Snickers ad where the old guy mispells "Chiefs?" I'll pick the Chefs in an upset.

Packers vs. Dolphins: Guess this movie; "What the hell's Brett Favre doing here?" "I'm in town to play the Dolphins, ya dumbass." Miami by 50.

Lions vs. Jets: Boy, we really don't have any high profile games yet, do we? Ehh, Jets.

Eagles vs. Buccaneers: Donovan is showing some vulnerability. Upset Number Two for Tampa.

Broncos vs. Browns: Broncos by 60.

Redskins vs. Colts: the '72 Dolphins are now watching intently. Peyton and Co.lts will disappoint them for another week.

Cardinals vs. Raiders: Yeah, Cardinals.

Vikings vs. Seahawks: Yeesh. The Seahawks do have a definite home crowd advantage. I'll pick them out of my intense hatred for the 'Queens.

Monday Night: Cowboys vs. Giants, because we're freakin' sick and tired of He Who Shall No Longer Be Named, so ESPN's rubbing it in. Bastards. Giants by 16.

The Martinsville Massacre: Umm, Tony Stewart sweeps.

Doughnut Derby Week Five

2006-10-09T16:19:00.000-05:00

Finally! For the first time since the Derby started, all four remaining teams lost. But how?

Tennessee had the upset special going, but Peyton Manning and Co.lts were able to rally for a one-point win.

Detroit actually led for most of the game, but let it slip in the Humpty Dump in the 4th quarter.

Tampa Bay also led, but Reggie Bush and the Saints were not to be denied.

Finally, Oakland continued to show why this season is doomed to be hopeless in their outing with the 49ers.

WEEK SIX MATCHUPS:

Byes: Browns, Colts, Vikings, Jaguars, Patriots, and Packers. Word has it the bye is a ten point favorite over the latter team.

Giants vs. Falcons: an interesting matchup. I'll give the slight edge to Atlanta.

Panthers vs. Ravens: not sure how tonight's game will go, but since I hate the Ravens, I'll go with Carolina.

Texans vs. Cowboys: The battle of the Lone Star State teams. Dallas may be reeling after their highly publicized letdown with the Eagles, so I'll go with Houston in the upset special.

Bills vs. Lions: hmm. Detroit is showing some good offensive signs, and Buffalo got their asses stomped by Chicago. Another upset pick, this time for the Lions.

Eagles vs. Saints: Can we declare a ban on Eagles news for two weeks? New Orleans by three.

Seahawks vs. Rams: No Shaun Alexander was bad against the Bears, but I don't think he'll be missed that much against St. Louis. Seattle rebounds and picks up the W.

Bengals vs. Buccaneers: I'm out of upset picks for this week. Bengals.

Titans vs. Redskins: Ditto. 'Skins.

Dolphins vs. Jets: Hmm, which team sucks less? No pick.

Chiefs vs. Steelers: The Steelers can't lose three in a row, can they? In this case, no.

Chargers vs. 49ers: If they never wear those hideous powder blue uniforms again, I'l pick San Diego.

Sunday night: Raiders vs. Broncos. You're fucking insane if you think Oakland will win. Denver by 1,000.

Monday night: Bears vs. Cardinals. Ooh, it's Matt Leinart! Meet Brian Urlacher, you pretty boy. Bears 549, Cards 1.

Baseball picks: Mets in six, Tigers in seven.

Bank of America 500 prediction: huge fucking fight occurs in the pits. Insert which crews here. Ahh, hmm....Kasey Kahne sweeps.

Doughnut Derby Week Four

2006-10-03T10:53:00.000-05:00

Believe it or not, we're down from seven to four Derby contenders. Who earned Swizzle Sticks?

The first are the Browns, who rallied to beat the Raiders.

The Chiefs earned theirs by shutting out the 49ers.

The big surprise? The Texans, upsetting the slightly better favored Dolphins.

THE FINAL FOUR:

Tennessee: lousy game against the Cowboys marred by extreme fuckup committed by Alfred Haysneworth. The new commish finally gets to make his first statement; he's not going to tolerate shit like stomping on guys' unprotected heads.

Oakland: blew a lead to the Browns.

Lions: give 'em credit though, they did hang in there with the Rams.

Tampa Bay: Had a bye week.

WEEK FIVE MATCHUPS, now with snarky predictions

Bye, bye, byes: Falcons, Bengals, Seahawks, Texans. The four Doughnuts are in play!

Browns vs Panthers: ah, I don't think Cleveland will make it two in a row. Carolina's been gaining some steam now with Steve Smith back.

Bills vs. Bears: Bears 200, Bills 4.

Rams vs. Packers: The Aaron Rodgers Era finally begins. The Rams subsequently kick his ass.

Titans vs. Colts: Pity the insane folk that'd actually pick the Titans. Colts in a massacre.

Lions vs. Vikings: this may be moved to Monday night due to the Twinkies in the playoffs. I'll go for the upset and say the Lions. And the A's.

Dolphins vs. Patriots: every other year, Miami actually beats them. Not this time.

Buccaneers vs. Saints: for all the hype, Reggie Bush has done jack shit on the field. Still, the Saints win.

Chiefs vs. Cardinals: The Matt Leinart Era begins. The Chiefs kick his ass, too.

Jets vs. Jaguars: two weeks ago, Jacksonville was being touted as the team to beat in the AFC South. The Colts said otherwise. I'll give the Jags the edge over the Jets.

Raiders vs. 49ers: in the 80s, this would've been a marqee game. Now it's just the Bay City Toilet Bowl. The Raiders get flushed again.

Cowboys vs. Eagles: I refrain from commenting because this is the only sports news you'll hear about on ESPN till kickoff.

Sunday nighter pits Pittsburgh against San Diego. Both teams are reeling, but San Diego's been more consisent.

Monday night, Ravens vs. Broncos. Right now I'm saying about fifty rosaries and praying a lot more for my Broncos.

Oh yeah, since it's now baseball playoff time: GO TIGERS!

Holy Shit, It's Fall?!?

2006-09-28T23:15:00.000-05:00

Where did the time fly? Oh yeah, drinking Dew and actually staying passed out longer. Still a bit moody at times, but that's probably the weather.

Which sucks right now. One minute it's sunny, then you turn around and there's a downpour. Mother Nature is one tricky bitch. Except for when it comes to butter, 'cause if you prank her there, you are so fucked. (fakey cyber cash to the first person who gets that)

Speaking of fucked, I almost trashed my Daewoo 13-inch TV/VCR after the Brewers/Cubs game last night. That may have been the first time since watching Greg Biffle and JJ Yeley's wreckfest at Daytona that I was supremely pissed over a sports outcome. Dammit, Dave Bush pitched a helluva game, then Frankie Cordero fucks up big time. I'm still steaming over it, and the Crew just beat the Cardinals about an hour ago! With the season winding down, it'll be interesting seeing who stays in Milwaukee and who's going to be looking for another team uniform. That'll probably merit a post there.

As I may or may not have stated before, I'll have to find a team to root for in the playoffs. I think I said that'd be the Tigers, and that's probably it. They'll most likely have to play Oakland due to the "no division matchups in the Divisional Playoffs" rule. The old asshole that owns the Twinkies is already ranting about how they'll easily beat the Yankees. Yeah, right, and next you'll be telling me Barry Bonds isn't on the juice.

(Good Lord, this has turned into the Sports Desk! Hell, might as well roll with it.)

Shaun Alexander broke his foot. The moment I saw that on ESPN, I immedately blurted the first thing that came to mind: The Madden Curse strikes again!

(Note to John Madden: pleeeeze put Terrell Owens on the cover of Madden '08 so we can be spared of any more outlandish shit involving him.)

Woody Paige=Gawd. For the sake of fellow ATH fans, his catch phrase: LOOK AT THE SCHEDULE!

Damn, the Broncos don't play this weekend. And now I have to pick between Badgers/Hoosiers and Brewers/Cards on Saturday? Gaaaah!!

On the home front, my alma mater is undefeated and gearing up for a huge Homecoming showdown tomorrow night. I asked Turd Boy if he was going, and in his typical Turd Boy fashion he farted and said no. Frankly, I don't blame him, since most of his buddies won't be there either, including his friend who plays for the Badgers. Turd Boy, even though he attends UW-Platteville, is a diehard fan of Badger football. He even went with his friends to Tampa a few years ago to see them in the Outback Bowl. Family-wise, that's the farthest south anyone's gone. (FWIW, it's been Platteville. Wow, I'm so adventurous.)

As for me? I won't be going either. I'm probably going to plant my ass on the bed, drink a shitload of Dew, and watch the Doctor Who marathon. Daleks fucking rule.

So, uh, if you don't see any new posts this weekend, I'll have exerminated myself from caffeine overload. Toodles, my homes!

Doughnut Derby 2006, Week 3

2006-09-25T23:08:00.000-05:00

Here we are, another week of football done. As everyone knows, we started Week 3 with eleven teams still sporting 0-2 records. Two had a bye, so how did the other nine fare?

The Packers held off the Lions in a battle of Derby teams. Hence, not only did Favre throw his 400th TD pass, but he and his team also earn a Swizzle Stick.

In the second Derby matchup, the Redskins massacred the Texans. Whoa, that sounded weird. Mark Brunell was on fire today completing his first 22 passes, good enough for a Swizzle Stick.

The Panthers earned their Swizzle Stick at the last second, thanks to a John Kasay field goal.

Finally, the Dolphins squeaked past the Titans to earn their Swizzle Stick.

That leaves us now with seven Doughnut Derby teams:

Cleveland: blew a chance to beat the Ravens.

Tennessee: lost to the Dolphins.

Houston: had a problem with the Redskins.

Kansas City: Bye week.

Oakland: bye week.

Detroit: couldn't capitalize on an Ahman Green fumble, lost to the Packers.

Tampa Bay: lost to the Panthers in the last few seconds. The game means a bit less now with Chris Simms being hospitalized. Keep him in your thoughts, people.

Week Four Matchups:

Bye Bye Byes: Broncos, Steelers, Giants, Buccaneers

Cardinals vs. Falcons

Chargers vs. Ravens

Vikings vs. Bills

Saints vs. Panthers

Dolphins vs. Texans

49ers vs. Chiefs

Colts vs. Jets

Cowboys vs. Titans

Lions vs. Rams

Patriots vs. Bengals

Browns vs. Raiders

Jaguars vs. Redskins

Sunday night: the must see game between the Seahawks and Bears

Monday night: Packers vs. Eagles

Doughnut Derby '06 Standings for Week 2

2006-09-17T21:46:00.000-05:00

It's time to look at who did what this week. Do we have nothing but donuts, or are we going to hand out a bunch of Swizzle Sticks? Let's find out..

Buffalo beat Miami in a battle of Doughnut teams. Buffalo therefore receives the Swizzle Stick as they are no longer winless.

Denver edged Kansas City in OT. Yaaaay! Oh, yeah, the Broncos also receive a Swizzle Stick.

The 49ers earned their Swizzle Stick by beating the St. Louis Rams.

Finally, in the third matchup between Derby teams, Dallas beat Washington.

That now leaves us with eleven Doughnut teams remaining:

Miami: duh, lost to the Bills.

Cleveland: Lost the first Battle of Ohio to the Bengals.

Tennessee: manhandled by the Chargers.

Houston: made Peyton Manning and the Colts' bitches.

Kansas City: Duh, lost to the Broncos.

Oakland: Uh, who'd they play? The Ravens, yeah.

Washington: I'm not rehashing that joke anymore.

Green Bay: Got beat by the fucking Saints. Good Lord, I wonder how long it'll be till we see Cheeshead paper bags? It's not even draft day yet and it looks like Troy Smith's going to be heading for the Frozen Tundra.

Lions: Mauled by the Bears. Oh my!

Carolina: Fucking Ryan Longwell and the Vikings. The only thing they're good for is singing about Spam.

Tampa Bay: My god, what happened to these guys? Not saying that the Falcons are lousy, but only 3 points in two games? Chris Simms sucks.

With the ritual bashing of the loser teams out of the way, what does Week Three have in store for us?

Jets vs. Bills, both with Swizzle Sticks.

Packers vs. Lions. Two Derby teams, which means someone's getting a Swizzle Stick. 99.9% likely Detroit.

Redskins vs. Texans. Again, someone's automatically guaranteed a Swizzle Stick. Most likely the Redskins.

Jaguars vs. Colts. Winnahs.

Titans vs. Dolphins. Come on people, do we need to give away more Swizzle Sticks?

Bears vs. Vikings. Both undefeated. Ryan Fucking Longwell will probably win the game again.

Bengals vs. Steelers, no doughnuts here.

Panthers vs. Buccaneers. This is getting ridiculous.

Ravens vs. Browns. Thank you!

Rams vs. Cardinals, each with a win

Eagles vs. 49ers. Can San Fran improve on their Swizzle Stick?

Remaining matchups pit the Giants against the Seahawks, the Broncos take on Tom Assface Brady and the Pats, and Monday night finds Vick and the Falcons traveling to Chocolate City to face the Saints. (Ray Nagin asked for it.)

The Raiders have a bye, so they'll continue their quest for suckitude in Week 4. The Chiefs also have a bye, so no chance for a doughnut this week.

Other bye teams: the Chargers and Cowboys.

Good luck and have fun making your picks for the future 0-3 teams.

Are You Ready for Some REAL Football Fun?

2006-09-12T17:17:00.000-05:00

To salute just how shitty some NFL teams have become (coughPackerscough49erscough)I have decided to start up what should hopefully be an annual contest. Screw fantasy football, this is the next big thing.

Presenting...THE OLSON FILES DOUGHNUT DERBY 2006!!

That's right, kiddies! Instead of picking the best of the best, we pick the cream of the CRAP!

The rules will hopefully be simple; the derby starts after Week One, when half the league dreams of passing the 1972 Miami Dolphins, and the other half pray to their makers they don't surpass the 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers as the shittiest team in history.

We take the 16 losers, hence the "doughnut" term, and see who goes the longest without winning. You get to pick who loses each week, and nobody's eliminated. At the end of the season, whoever has the most correct picks wins. And maybe gets a small prize or something. Feel free to leave suggestions in the comment box.

Our sixteen Doughnut Derby Contenders:

Miami Dolphins: lost to the Steelers.

Buffalo Bills: continue to struggle against the Patriots

Cleveland Browns: lost to Reggie Bush's Saints.

Houston Texas: fell to the Eagles

Tennessee Titans: Got B-E-A-T by the JETS! JETS! JETS!

Denver Broncos: Not even Dew sacrifices by yours truly could help them against the Rams

Kansas City Chiefs: not only did they lose to the Bengals, they may have lost Trent Green for most of the season

Oakland Raiders: made to be the Chargers' bitches once more

New York Giants: well, one of the Mannings had to lose. And it wasn't the one playing for the Colts.

Dallas Cowboys: TO < Jaguars Washington Redskins: I HATE THE VIKINGS.

Detroit Lions: The sad thing is, they actually were playing decent against the Seahawks

Green Bay Packers: Good Lord, Vince Lombardi must be shitting bricks in his grave. Insert Bears comment here.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Humiliated by the Ravens.

Carolina Panthers: and to think they were picks to win the Super Bowl. The Falcons threw a little kink in those plans.

San Francisco 49ers: Remember the days when they would blow out the Cardinals? Times have changed.

There you have it. And now, the fun part. Time to look at the Week Two Matchups, with the Doughnut Derby contenders in bold. If you're really lucky, maybe we'll have Derby teams against each other.

MATCHUPS:

Buccaneers vs. Falcons

Raiders vs. Ravens

Lions vs. Bears

Browns vs. Bengals

Saints vs. Packers

Texans vs. Colts

Bills vs. Dolphins

Panthers vs. Vikings

Giants vs. Eagles

Rams vs. 49ers

Cardinals vs. Seahawks, no doughnuts here

Chiefs vs. Broncos

Patriots vs. Jets, no doughnuts here

Titans vs. Chargers

Redskins vs. Cowboys

Steelers vs. Jaguars, no doughnuts here.

The objective is maybe more complicated.

In each matchup (except for the three without doughnut teams), pick your loser. Preferably the Doughnut teams. Although, three games are straight-up Doughnut matchups, where one is obviously going to win.

If the Doughnut team loses, they go on to Week Three. Should they win, however, they'll receive the Swizzle Stick of Doom award. The Swizzle Stick represents their first win, eliminating them from the competition.

For every loser you get right, you earn two points. No points for a wrong answer. You won't lose points either.

Hopefully this isn't too complicated. Feel free to comment with any ideas to improve the game. Oh, yes, and when you do comment, make your picks there as well. On next Tuesday, I'll post the results and points standing.

Have fun!

The Sports Desk, V2 Week 2

2006-09-12T16:24:00.000-05:00

Welcome to another installment of The Sports Desk!!

First on the docket; college football. The hugely-hyped Ohio State-Texas game fell ridiculously short of expectations. However, they did succeed in airing as many shots of Matthew McConagheuy as humanly possible.

Meanwhile, Notre Dame stomped Penn State.

Oh yeah, and the Badgers won, too.

RACING CORNER

After 26 weeks of massive hype, short fuses, and drivers you wouldn't expect to be given probation actually given probation, the Chase for the 2006 Nextel Cup is set.

The usual suspects: Jimmie Johnson, Matt Kenseth, and Mark Martin are the only drivers to have made the Chase all three years.

They're baaaaack......Jeff Gordon and Dale Earnhardt Jr. are back after a one year absence.

Newbies: Kevin Harvick, Jeff Burton, Kyle Busch, Denny Hamlin, and Kasey Kahne get their first crack at a title. Hamlin is the first rookie to make the Chase.

Kahne was on the outside looking in going into Richmond, but he made it. On the other hand, he denied Tony Stewart a chance to defend his 2005 title.

FLASHBACK TO LAST WEEK'S DESK:

As for who may miss the Chase, I'll go insanely far on a limb and say that Tony Stewart fails to make it in. We've already had a Chase without the two biggest names in NASCAR, so it'd be interesting seeing the Chase without the defending champion.

Holy crap. I'll hold off on starting up a psychic sports hotline for now.

The Chase starts this Sunday at Loudon, NH. Kyle Busch won the summer race, so he'd be considered a favorite here.

Right now, I'll go insanely out on that limb again and make a championship prediction; The Drive for Five ends in success for Jeff Gordon at Homestead.

My dark horse pick will be Dale Earnhardt, Jr. Maybe this year's top two will be the two guys that missed it last year.

And finally, the NFL.

I hate the Rams. Of course if Plummer didn't throw his minimum three INTs as is the norm, it would have been close.

The Packers are officially fucked. Signing the Minnesota Drunken Wide Receiver just made it worse. Next thing you know they'll sign the Whizzinator when Ahman Green gets hurt again.

Meanwhile, stay tuned as I've come up with some new whizbang game to salute the crappiest teams in football.

Never Forget...

2006-09-11T07:30:00.000-05:00

This post is dedicated to Lynn Angell, one of the 2,996 who perished on September 11, 2001. May God continue to bless her eternal soul.

Right now I sit here in front of my computer, trying to figure out how to eulogize one that I've never met. It's difficult, until you read into their history.

Reading about Lynn Angell those five years ago, I learned she was married to David Angell, one of the creative talents behind the series Wings, and their biggest hit, Frasier. Five years ago, though, that was the only thing about her that I knew.

Five years later, I learned Lynn wasn't one of those typical Hollywood types. She and David were married for 30 years, going through both good and difficult times. She gave both time and money to Hillsides, a Pasadena home for physically and mentally abused children. Being a former librarian, she volunteered time to organize the small library, and anonymously made a donation to turn that library into something much bigger for the children. As an avid reader, I found that to be extremely amazing.

On September 11, 2001, David and Lynn planned to fly to Los Angeles for the upcoming Emmy Awards on American Airlines Flight 11.

As we all tragically know now, that would never happen.....

The question "Where were you on September 11?" is to this generation as "Where were you when JFK was shot?" was to an earlier group. Ask anybody old enough, and they'll give you the answer.

I had just woken up in my dorm room and planned on checking my e-mail before getting breakfast. After logging out, the MSN page looked somewhat smaller. The headline read, "A Sad Day in US History." Thinking there was no significant anniversary that would merit that line, I went back to my room and turned on the TV set, which was on ABC. At that point, I saw the devastation in New York and Peter Jennings saying, almost on the verge of tears, that the Twin Towers were gone.

From what I remember, the campus was filled with sadness, and actually some hysteria. The hysteria was primarily two things: the fact we were close to Lake Superior and there was talk the Great Lakes would be targeted; and that gas prices would skyrocket. I was scared; I was 200 miles away from my family and had nobody to lean on for moral support. It wasn't until Thursday that I was finally able to call my mom and tell her I loved her.

The most vivid memory I have of the aftermath was Saturday the 15th. I went to Mass at the cathedral in Superior, and the place was packed. Mass proceeded as normal for the most part. However, after the closing song the organist played the national anthem. That raised my spirits considerably.

It's almost hard to believe it's been five years since the tragic events occured. Instead of pointing fingers and devising corny theories, we should reflect on those 2,996 individuals who came from all walks of life. We should not reflect on their deaths, but rather their lives.

Somewhere, there may be one or more person who will be inspired by Lynn Angell and the other 2,995 people. It could very well be you or me.

God Bless America.

UPDATE: David Angell is honored by Carly.

For more tributes, visit
The Project 2,996 website

The Sports Desk----THE RETURN!!

2006-09-07T21:01:00.000-05:00

It's September, and you know what that means. Yep, sports up the wazoo!!

The "No Crying in Baseball!!" Department:

Baseball is winding down, which means by now the Brewers have been elimnated from contention (damn!), and the pennant races are heating up. Playoff-wise, I've decided to hitch my wagon to the Detroit Tigers; I hate the Twinkies, the White Sox won it last year, and the Cards will find a way to choke. Oh, yawn, it's the Yankees again. Who's leading the West?

Meanwhile, I cringed watching the highlights of the Marlins' no-hitter last night. Somewhere I swear I heard Tom Hanks scream "THERE'S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL!!!" Unless you get hit in the nuts with a 90 MPH pitch.

"Foosball is the Devil!" Department

The NFL is here, and along with it hordes of drunken fantasy football-addicted folks. I'm rooting for my beloved Broncos all the way once more. It'll be fun seeing the surprise team, the shocking disappointing team, which big-name player tears his ACL, and the latest Viking scandal.

College wise, I can't wait to see the Big Ten race. Ohio State has a biig game with Texas that could shape the national championship for the remainder of the year. The Badgers don't play the Buckeyes (yay!) but aren't expected to contend for the title (boo!). I can't see Penn State having another successful year, but I could be wrong. Minnesota will hopefully suck.

"Green, Green, Green!" Department

The Chase for the Nextel Cup is almost here. Once the checkered flag flies at Richmond, we could have as many as eleven guys in the playoff. That would mean Kasey Kahne would need to have a helluva race, and that Jimmie Johnson and Matt Kenseth do extremely poorly.

Predictions?

Johnson and Kenseth are in.

I'll say NASCAR breathes easier as Gordon and Junior both make it in.

As for who may miss the Chase, I'll go insanely far on a limb and say that Tony Stewart fails to make it in. We've already had a Chase without the two biggest names in NASCAR, so it'd be interesting seeing the Chase without the defending champion.

Next Monday, the Sports Desk will air in its usual time slot with the sport recaps. It'll be posted after the 9/11 tribute later that evening. Stay tuned, and enjoy the action!!

Mid-week Update

2006-08-23T15:45:00.000-05:00

Happy Hump Day!!

The links section's been cleaned up a bit, although it could use a bit more cleaning. I've separated them into sections based on my political views, sports love, and entertainment and stuff.

On a more serious note, I've joined the list of bloggers set to honor the 2, 996 victims of September 11, 2001. There's still a list of people yet to pay tribute to, so if you'd like to add your blog to the list go to this page and enroll. You'll get the info on one of the many heroes, and you'll get to honor them on the 5th anniversary of 9/11.

Enjoy the rest of the week!

More Random Ramblings

2006-08-19T20:38:00.000-05:00

Long time, no update! Work, stress, a bunch of other difficult shit, the heat, and lack of caffeine will do wonders on you. Now that's it's Saturday, I'm keeping entertained by watching the Brewers game, enjoying the cooler temperatures, and downing Dew by the liter. Yaay!!

It's hard to believe September's almost here. Started out hotter than shit, and now we're getting the normal temperatures. But we did get air conditioning here, so that stretch in late July was a bit more bearable.

Locally, it's hard to believe how far we've come since Labor Day, 2002. The local Hardee's closed, got razed, and now we're getting a Kwik Trip in a matter of days. Looks freakin' sweet, and I hope they have the Frozen Dews. Those things kick ass in many ways. Adding to that, construction on the new Wal-Mart is set to start sometime this fall.

And now football's on the horizon, which most likely means it'll be time to dust off The Sports Desk for the season. NASCAR's been good too, especially hearing that Junior got booed at the Busch race today. There'll be about three pages of bitching and moaning to Scene magazine about it.

As for the Brewers, they've been doing okay. I wasn't big on the Carlos Lee trade at first (considering he got traded just days before the game I was set to attend), but we got some pretty good ballplayers in return. Kevin Mench isn't a home run hitter, but at least we're getting fly balls caught out there. Frankie Cordero fucking rules. Nothing against Derrick Turnbow, but now we're getting some crucial saves. Once D-Bow is back to form, no doubt we'll see the two share the closer's job. And it was nice seeing the Crew beat the Reds that day.

I'm probably going to give this blog a better look. More links, maybe some graphics, shit like that. So in order for that to come to fruition, it's time for more Dew. Later, bitches!!

Laissez Les Bons Temps Rouler, Bitches!!

2006-07-21T22:04:00.000-05:00

Translated: Let the good times roll, bitches!!

It's the third weekend of July, which means my hometown of Ladysmith, WI (Unofficial Motto: "Keep Driving, Bitches! Well, until next summer when Wal-Mart opens. But Just Keep Driving!") throws on its annual festival of drunken asses puking on the tilt-a-whirl and wasting Lord knows how many gallons of water.

The Northland Mardi Gras (just like the New Orleans one except for no fights, riots or women flashing their tits for cheap DVD productions, and it takes place in July) may be one of the few highlights of the summer. Until the fair (and the annual Demo Derby brawl), but that's another blog entry.

Here's a little blurb from our local rag, The Ladysmith News:

"Sixty years ago a contest was held to pick a new name for the 'Victory' edition of the Ladysmith Water Carnival, the first after World War II. Mrs. P.A. LeHew submitted the winning entry, and the 1946 celebration was rechristened 'Mardi Gras of the Northland ‹ Ladysmith's Water Carnival on the Famous Flambeau,' which was later shortened to Northland Mardi Gras."

You can wake up now.

For four days, the Ladysmith Jaycees throw on the N.M.G., complete with various activites.

The events start the week before with the crowning of the Mardi Gras Queen. The Queen is usually finished with her junior year, and has a shitload of accolades and community work on her resume. The day after features the crowning of a bunch of other Mardi Gras royalty, but no Krewe. The hell?

The following Thursday (the 20th), the ribbon cutting ceremony occurs. The two courts, the grand marshals, and our mayor cut some ribbon they probably got at Pamida, and the Mardi Gras begins. The highight for the first night are the rides and the beer garden. Emphasis on BOTH.

Friday has a tad bit more occuring; not only do we have rides and the Beer Garden (all hail Beer!), we have the first of the two Venetian Night Parades. Going back to our little blurb about the 1946 Water Carnival, this is pretty much one of the most fucking awesome things you'll see....if you live in a podunk town like me. The floats carrying various royalty are paraded down the Flambeau River as fireworks go off (the DNR is gonna love this...) and people get drunk and mosquito-bitten.

Saturday is the busiest day of the year, starting off with the Citizens' Water Fights (they oughta do that in the Middle East....it's less bloody and you're less likely to die). The 3-on-3 Basketball tourney and co-ed (oooh!) volleyball tourney are also the athletic highlight. Add another Venetian Night Parade, rides, and BEER!, and that's pretty much Saturday.

Sunday is pretty much Parade Day. No liqour, insane freaks touching you in the wrong place, or girls gone wild, and a shitload of candy. The event winds down with, you guessed it, rides and beer.

And with that weekend out of the way, I'll be in Milwaukee again next weekend. It's Drunks vs. Commies, and you get free stuff to boot.

Keep cool!

Ya Know, It's Not the Heat....

2006-07-12T20:50:00.000-05:00

But it's the gosh-darned humidity.

Right now it's roughly Too Fucking Hot out there, but since they can't say that on TV, it's about 90 degrees. Aw, fuck it. I'm sitting here---no, I'd say I'd be sweating my ass off but the house is now air-conditioned. Right now I'm in that "It's Too Fucking Hot" phase where you're happy at one point but on the verge of killing someone at another. Don't be alarmed if you don't see any more ramblings for a few days.

Back Online!!

2006-06-23T22:54:00.000-05:00

It's been awhile since I've posted, due to being busy and having computer meltdowns (Compaq=shit). I thought I'd take some time to update you on what the hell's been going on.

First off, Turd Boy had some legal shit to deal with. I'll just say that out of the four of us, I'm the only one that hasn't gone to "class." On a brighter note, he posted a 3.4 GPA, just barely missing a shot on the Dean's list. He's settled in for the summer and is preparing to set aside rent money for the fall.

Meanwhile, I've learned about how you can get fucked over with holiday wages. It's almost the 4th of July and I still haven't got paid for working Memorial Day. That kind of pissed me off, as that's my Brewer ticket money. I did get a raise, so I wasn't as pissed as I thought I would be.

After all, I still have gas money and a little to spend Wednesday night. I'm getting really excited over The-Guy-Who-I-Hope-Wins-at-Sonoma-on-Sunday Night. I'm bringing the camera in case I get a really good shot. From what my ticket info says, there's also a lottery where 50 lucky bastards will get to meet Jeff Gordon, in the flesh. Half of them will probably be Earnhardt fans. And a Kenseth fan still pissed off over "The Shove." And Dick Trickle. OK, maybe not Dick Trickle, but it's funny as hell writing that.

It's been awhile since I've been in New Richmond. I think the last time was in 1999 when I attended the annual Diocese of Superior Youth Rally. Back then, it was a small town. From what I've heard, the population's grown due to the influx of Mudducks who can't live in Hudson. It'll be interesting seeing in person how its changed.

As for the Brewers, I'll be going to yet another game. This time around, it'll be the July 30 game against the Cincinnati Commies---er, Reds. Plus, it's Infielder Nesting Doll day. Free stuff! Whoo!

In other news, I've been able to control my insomnia. Without cutting my required Dew intake, I've gone to bed earlier and can still wake up in time for work. The result has been more Zs, and I'm not so bitchy at work. Except for when you get fucked over with Memorial Day pay. But enough about that.

Right now, I'm beginning to feel a bit tired. Considering I have to work tomorrow, it's time to continue the new regimen.

Your Regularly Schedule Weekend Rantings...

2006-05-20T14:41:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I'm doing OK. We got home from our little trip Monday afternoon. Considering we left Waukesha around 10:40 AM, hit some slight delays due to construction, and a dinner break at Black River Falls, we made it home just around 4PM. My legs are still recovering.

Survivor wasn't that bad, even though Terry didn't win. My sister was slightly pissed, but was glad that Aras won. I can't wait for Survivor: Another Fucking Island in the fall. Note to producers; why the hell can't you do an installment in non-tropical climes? Let's see these people survive in some place like Canada or Fargo.

The Olson Files offically endorses Taylor Hicks as pick to win American Idol 5.

On the baseball front, I'm planning on watching Brewers/Reds July 30. The nesting doll giveaway they have planned is a nice bonus.

I'm really looking forward to attening my first batch of auto racing in June at New Richmond. The ticker at the top of the page may give you a short hint as to one of the reasons why.

In family news, Turd Boy just completed his second year of college, beating my record of one. He's now home (yay!), and will be here until the first days of September. This fall, he gets to enjoy off-campus living.

Other than that, I really have nothing to say. Well, until something pops up in my head. Have a decent afternoon!

Live From Milwaukee! Oh, hell, a suburb

2006-05-14T14:50:00.000-05:00

Happy Mothers Day to those of you with kids!!!

I've had a very nice weekend so far down here in Waukesha. Considering it rained for the better part of two days, it wasn't so much the weather but the other things I've been doing.

Friday night we sat around and watched the ballgame. Considering we didn't arrive in Waukesha until after 6PM, there wasn't much to do. We did have a scare over Scamp, the Paranoid Weak-Bladdered Wonder Dog. Turns out my dad let her out to pee and she didn't come in. This, after the last words out of my mouth were "Make sure the dog doesn't die." Yeah, you could say I was a bit panicky. As it turned out, she was hiding under a tree by my dad's truck. Considering it was raining, he didn't look really hard.

With that out of the way, we watched the Crew rally to beat the Mets 9-6. Yay!

Yesterday was busier. My sister and I went to Kohl's to take advantage of the Early Bird specials. I took advantage of a $5 off coupin (tm Ron White) for cosmetics and bought some lip glosses.

That afternoon we headed out for one of the local malls, Brookfield Square, and spent the better part of ten minutes trying to find parking. Once we found a spot, we did a little more shopping, then headed on our way to Miller Park.

The game was completely sold out. Derrick Turnbow is a rock star around these parts, and when people learned he was getting a bobblehead, it was guaranteed asses would be in seats for the game.

We got there around 4PM, but they wouldn't let any fans in due to the high demand for the bobblehead. The line almost resembled that of the line Ralphie and his brother were stuck in in A Christmas Story. The doors finally opened around 4:30, and the line soon shrunk.

A quickie about the bobbleheads; every fan attending the game got one. It's your normal baseball player bobblehead, only with Turnbow, you had real hair simulating his hairstyle. To make the deal better, 5,000 of the bobbleheads featured the retro ball-and-glove logo, while 100 had special cards to redeem for an autographed bobble. Out of the six of us, my sister and I were two of the lucky 5,000. Maybe I can snap a photo of it sometime to post on here or the GSN boards.

Another quickie; my aunt didn't buy tickets until the end of April. We wanted some field-level seats, but as it turned out those went fucking fast. We had a choice of either nosebleeds for $18, foul line seats for $80, or club box seats for $35. We decided to go for the club seats, since they sounded reasonably good.

One drawback, though, was that we were on the third level.
However, when we actually got to the club level, it kicked serious ass. You had carpeted hallways, security at the door, and ritzier bathrooms.

The seats were fab as well; we had a pretty decent view of the field and a better look at the scoreboard. To make it better, the club seats have in-seat catering; a staffer will come to your seat, take your order, and have it delivered in minutes. The menu was awesome; you had your normal ballpark fare (hot dogs, peanuts, nachos, Cracker Jack, beer, beer, beer) as well as gourmet sandwiches, specialty appetizers, and more liquor. For less than ten bucks, I had mozzarella sticks, waffle fries, and The Only Beverage in the World that Matters to Me (I think you know what I mean by now.)

As for the game itself...ehm, it had its moment. The crowd got into it after Rickie Weeks and Prince Fielder homered, then turned into a near-riot after one of the relief pitchers allowed a two-run homer. The eight inning was where people really went batshit. With two Brewers on base and an 8-4 deficit to overcome, Corey Koskie delivered. Damian Miller knocked another homer out for the hell of it. Then the pitcher nailed Brady Clark and got his ass tossed. The crowd at this point was on their feet going insane. Once Willie Randolph got the hook for pissing off the ump, I swear the crowd level actually went to 12.

Sadly, that was the last hurrah. Derrick Turnbow gave up the game winning homer for the Mets. Bastard.

FWIW, any disappointment over the game was somewhat lowered by the fact Jeff Gordon finished 2nd at Darlington.

Right now, I'm typing this and taking the occasional look at the rubber match. Right now, I pity the Mets. Heh.

This'll probably be the last I post until about Tuesday/Wednesday/whenever the hell I feel like posting.

The Sick Week Post!!

2006-05-04T10:21:00.000-05:00

This week hasn't been that good. I've been sick for about three and a half days, but I think it'll be out the ol' system by tomorrow. This isn't much of a post, just wanted to let the bitches out there know where I was at.

Yaghhh...What Time is It?

2006-04-28T23:46:00.000-05:00

Right now, I would say that this month I've slept for roughly 15 hours. Insomnia fucking sucks. It doesn't help when you wake up at godawful early times and must resort to a constant stream of caffeine to get through your shift at work. Man, does my life suck or what?

Well, maybe not completely. Remember last week when I posted about the NASCAR driver appearing at a nearby (translation=about 80 miles) track in June? After budgeting the ol' paycheck, I went and bought a ticket. With that, I can scratch one of my goals off the list: "See Jeff Gordon, even if he's not racing." I so cannot wait until June.

Tomorrow's shopping day; I need to pick up some edible items for next weekend since I have to watch the house and Scamp, the Paranoid Weak-Bladdered Wonder Dog. Everybody else is going to Platteville to visit Turd Boy. Come to think of it, but that's more sleep.

Yeah, I really should be going to bed now. Nothing's worse than a bitchy shopper.

Die, Hippie, Die!!!

2006-04-22T14:50:00.000-05:00

Oh, boy. Today's the Feast Day of the Hippie, aka Earth Day. This is when the hippies and liberals try to make us feel guilty about wrecking the planet, and that it's all the fault of the Republicans. Hey, I think that was a plot on South Park!

Come to think of it, it'd be hysterical seeing a "Happy Earth Day" card. The hippies would be screaming "Good Lord, they killed a tree for a fucking card!!" Scratch that....they're probably atheists.

FWIW, I believe in some forms of conservation, just not the ones that PETA and Greenpeace want where all the humans have to die and shit. I recycle and stuff like that. I walk when I need to make a short trip. I can't ride a fucking bike!!! What most hippies believe is so damn insane that we can't help but poke fun of them.

Like MTV. They have this annoying little bug telling us to "Break the Addiction." No, not to drugs, gangs and whores. Of course, they have this little bug during shows where people trash talk each other and "shows" where stupid spoiled whores throw insanely fucking expensive 16th birthday parties. Listen, MTV...break the addiction to shitty programs like this, and I may start walking more.

Aggh....Cartman put it best when he went on the hippie killing rampage.

BREAK THE ADDICTION!! NO MORE HIPPIES!!!

Weekend Rantings...

2006-04-21T17:28:00.000-05:00

Welcome back, bitches!!

Yeah, I was too tired to finish whatever I was saying Tuesday night. Of course, I think I've had roughly fifteen hours of sleep all week. Insomnia is fun!!!

April's slowly winding down, and I can say that other than the referendum shit, Easter madness, and Tom Cruise continuing to act like a fucking nutcase, it hasn't been that exciting a month. May on the other hand, does look interesting. Yours truly is making another visit to Brew City on Mothers Day weekend. Yep, another Brewers game is on the agenda. I'm going on May 13th to see them hopefully Beat the Mets (bad pun alert!) on Derrick Turnbow Bobblehead Night. Free bobblehead! Yaaay!!

I'm also keeping an eye on the Cedar Lake Speedway in New Richmond, WI. A very very very famous NASCAR star not named Dale Earnhardt, Jr. is making an appearance there in late June. (Based on that, you may have a few drivers in mind) I get paid next Friday, and I'm hoping to score a seat. More on that next weekend.

Ummm, speaking of NASCAR, who do you think's going to have the fight this weekend? I'm still in hysterics over Ryan Newman trashtalking Sterling Marlin; that was better than the catfight. That still doesn't top Shove-o-Rama and Kevin Harvick's "Time to Act Like a Dickhead Again" at Bristol. Maybe Talladega will have the mayhem.

Oh, yah...I'm taking a plunge into the MySpace pool. More on that soon.

Time to wrap this little blurb and raid the soda fridge. Dew Time!!

WHEEEEEEE!!

2006-04-18T19:41:00.000-05:00

It's Tuesday, I'm tired, and I've lost my mind!! You know what that means....NONSENSICAL POST TIME!!!

First off, Easter at the Blankety Family household went off very well. Nobody got sick or got arrested, excepting for an incident that happened last month which will go unmentioned to protect everybody involved. Nothing too serious, so don't get all freaky and crap.

After the family dinner, my sister Steph, my older brother Chad, and my two hellspawn nephews decided to go fishing. Of course, in true Olson fashion, things went haywire pretty damn fast. The little nephew ended up in the river...it was shallow, and Chad actually was sober enough to have excellent reflexes. Little Nephew is perfectly fine, except for we've all laughed our asses off at his expense. I think he's used to it, though.

Right now between typing, I'm getting stuff ready for CCD class tomorrow...the big Easter class. "But Hannah," you're not saying, "Easter was on Sunday!" Yes, I know that. However, we're now in the Easter season, which goes on for 50 days, so it's perfectly OK. I figure I can get them wound up enough on M&Ms long enough to color some Alleluia pictures.

I don't have them for too much longer, only two more lessons. I'm going to miss them. Of course, the first graders I had last year still recognize me and say hi. First Communion is this Sunday, and I sponsored my co-worker's child, who was one of my first pupils. I think I've learned quite a bit from teaching religion. Shame I can't teach myself more, especially with language. The Cuss Box may have worked, as I find myself typing less profanity, save the couple words I uttered earlier, and the few I'm probably going to prattle off later. Well, maybe not tonight.

The Original Storybook Ending....

2006-04-15T22:06:00.000-05:00

JOHN 20: 1-18

On the first day of the week, Mary of Magdala came to the tomb early in the morning, while it was still dark, and saw the stone removed from the tomb. So she ran and went to Simon Peter and to the other disciple whom Jesus loved, and told them, "They have taken the Lord from the tomb, and we don't know where they put him. So Peter and the other disciple went out and came to the tomb.

They both ran, but the other disciple ran faster than Peter and arrived at the tomb first; he bent down and saw the burial cloths, but did not go in. When Simon Peter arrived after him, he went into the tomb and saw the bural clothes there, and the cloth that had covered his head, not with the burial cloths but rolled up in a separate place. Then the other disciple also went in, the one who had arrived at the tomb first, and he saw and believed. For they did not yet understand the scripture that He had to rise from the dead. Then the disciples returned home.

But Mary stayed outside the tomb weeping. And as she wept, she bent over into the tomb and saw two angels in white sitting there, one at the head and one at the feet where the body of Jesus had been.

And they said to her, "Woman, why are you weeping?"
She said to them, "They have taken my Lord, and I don't know where they laid him."

When she had said this, she turned around and saw Jesus there, but did not know it was Jesus.

Jesus said to her, "Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you looking for?"
She thought it was the gardener and said to Him, "Sir, if you carried Him away, tell me where you laid Him, and I will take Him."

Jesus said to her, "Mary!"
She turned and said to Him in Hebrew, "Rabbouni," which means Teacher.

Jesus said to her, "Stop holding onto me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. But go to my brothers and tell them, "I am going to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God."

Mary of Magdala went and announced to the disciples, "I have seen the Lord," and what He told her.

So it was written....and so it shall be told.
Have a blessed Easter.

The Lenten Cuss Box....The Final Tally

2006-04-14T18:45:00.000-05:00

Yaaay! After six weeks, let's see how much cursing pays..

TOTAL CUSS WORDS: 3.

TOTAL AMOUNT GOING INTO CUSS BOX: $.15

Using the Offical Arithmetic of The Olson Files, Fuzzy Math, let's see the final count.

GRAND TOTAL OF CUSS WORDS: 134. Yeow.

GRAND TOTAL IN CUSS BOX: $6.75

This amount will go into the Easter collection this weekend.

Looking back on it, 134 is a lot of profanity. Compare that to my dad watching American Idol, then I don't feel so bad.

Lenten Cuss Box, Week Five

2006-04-07T23:38:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I think I may have made a somewhat significant contribution this week. Between the Enron High School fuckups and Stupid Spoiled Whore Paris Hilton as Mother Teresa news, I either suffered major cerebral damage or a need to drink excessively.

TOTAL CUSS WORDS: 9. OK, maybe not.

TOTAL AMOUNT GOING INTO CUSS BOX: $.45

CUMULATIVE AMOUNT GOING INTO CUSS BOX: $6.55

One more week, bitches!!! Let's see how that ends up.