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Sunday, January 16, 2005

The Twelve Days of Hell...During and After Christmas!!

OK Kiddies, I promised awhile back to post the long-awaited (heh) sequel to my long-winded titled tales of the holiday season. I figured now's a good time to do it before I forget.

Anyways, in part one I discussed how there's three stages to my holiday season: birthday, shopping, and the actual holiday itself. The first two stages were tackled, so now here's Stage Three: Hannah's Happy (heh) Holidays 2004.

Anyways, it was the 15th of December or so when I got off my lazy ass and wrapped presents. By this time most of the family's gifts were under the tree, and I had to do the cram method. After that I didn't worry much until the 23rd, when you're this close to Christmas.

"But," most of you will say, "don't you ever get tempted to sneak a look at one and try to guess what it is?" Yes. One gift was a DVD, but as to what title it was eluded me. I was able to pull a Sherlock, though; in Eau Claire I was this close to purchasing Mars Attacks! but decided to save my money towards buying for the people on my list.

Anyways, going back on topic, it was the 24th. My aunt made it up from Waukesha with her traditional carload of fruit and homemade peanut butter cookies with the Hershey's kiss on top (which almost beats anything my mom makes....sorry Majah!). Turd Boy, aka UW-Platteville freshman, had been home for roughly a day.

This Christmas Eve was a bit hectic. My older brother had gotten the boot from his prior residence (that request came from the lady that shared the house with him), and was moving his stuff and his basset Walter the Farting Hound over here. Hence, plans for Mass were put off till the following morning.

Once Chad and Turd made it back, and my sister, her friend and her two boys, it was time for pigskin. The NFL bestowed on the Cheese and Beer State a Packers game. Not just any Packers game, mind you; it was a battle with the hated Minnesota Viqueens with the NFC Norris division title on the line. After roughly three hours of frayed nerves, the members of the household wearing green celebrated (NOTE: Only about three people in the house are actually Packers fans. I'll save the rest for a Super Bowl entry) and it was present time.

For the most part, I don't bitch about gifts...what I get, I get and if it's something I didn't particularly like at the time, I end up enjoying it weeks later. For the list that I had, I didn't do too bad. I can always use socks, so that was nice. Pants are nice, and gloves? This is Wisconsin, where it's either Damn Hot, Damn Cold, or What the Deuce is This? Gloves are nice. The last bits of clothing were, gray, and Packers.

As for non-clothing, I now have a new Phillips portable CD player to replace my five-year old RCA (which still works but has a busted hinge) along with some batteries and blank CDs. Since it's Damn Cold, I got a few things of lip gloss because chapped lips can be a bitch. My sister gave me a Bath and Body Works card. Finally, the DVD....and if you didn't read what I posted earlier, go back and read it and then figger it out. :D

Either way, everybody was in a good mood, watching Dodgeball and drinking beer and wine coolers till they passed out.

At this point, I invite all of you to read my Christmas Songs entry, specifically the part with "Merry Christmas from the Family." After the prior stuff occured, we now qualify for this song.

First off, one member of the family after knocking back roughly four cans of Miller Lite, decided to hit a bar. Can you say "moron," boys and girls? As most of you can probably guess, it was just his luck Mr. Fuzz in his car was driving by. Can you say "DWI?"

Next off, Turd Boy started retching around midnight. The Old Man fixed him the wrong drink.

Christmas morning, my aunt was under the weather. Both Turd Boy and DWI Guy were passed out. My sister, still with antibiotics in her system from the Sinus Infection From Hell, dragged one kid over. The other? Retching. The Old Man wasn't feeling well, but it wasn't from the J. Bavet and Coke concoction. Majah was probably the only one not suffering from anything. I say that because I made it through Mass before I threw Pukeapalooza 2004.

No, the story don't end there, but it isn't as bad. Pukeapalooza was a one-day event (which stopped just before my Broncos delivered one final present), though I didn't have anything to eat till Sunday night. The bug passed through the family in no time flat. Merry Christmas, indeed.

With Christmas out of the way, our house has roughly a five-day reprieve before The Old Man has his birthday....he's a New Year's Baby. This time around the whole clan actually wasn't there; Turd Boy was with friends in Tampa watching the Badgers in the Outback Bowl.

My preparation for 2005 didn't take that much...I made it to the store on New Year's Eve...but there was NO BOONE'S!!! For one night Messrs. Martini and Rossi were my best friends. Either way, the bottle was gone after Conan.

New Years was quite the opposite of Christmas; no puking, no drunks, and the Badgers lost. :( But we did enjoy a nice turkey dinner and Majah's four-layer dessert (Cool Whip, chocolate pudding, a cream cheese/vanilla pudding combo, and crust. Yummy!) and Michigan losing the Rose Bowl.

Turd Boy returned on Tuesday with his birthday gift for The Old Man; Buccaneers stuff. Once again, you can read all about that in a few weeks.

For the most part, this holiday season was a bit more normal (considering the circumstances the year before), and the family was together (considering the circumstances going on today in other parts of the world, I consider that to be the greatest gift).

Here's to 2005.


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