Oh Crap, It's Finally Here....

That month of merriment known as The Holiday Season. Pounds will be gained, money will be spent, and people everywhere will take up drinking something by the last day of the year.

Of course, not only will I have Christmas to look forward to, but I also have my birthday in a few weeks. That does give me a small amount of pleasure...I'm one who doesn't really know if there's something really nice to ask for. Except for last year, when my Discman busted its hinge, I asked for that. Bing!

I guess it's easier for me to shop for others than others to shop for me. I should use that line as my holiday mantra.

Of course, being a Catholic, Christmas is more than the nice presents and the ten extra pounds from two big dinners in a month. Advent gives Lent a run for the money when it comes to my favorite religious season. The colors, the decorations in anticipation of the coming Messiah, and the music make it a fun four weeks.

The Catholics in my town also have another Sunday tradition; attending the annual OLS Christmas Program, rushing to the school for the reception, and crashing into the kindergarten room to see what the score of the Packers game is. I took part in nine of them...Kindergarten through eighth grade. We had no choice; this was considered a school day (since we got the Monday after Catholic Schools Week off while the public schoolers had class)

Off the top of my head, I was:

• a drummer
• shepherd
• Star of Bethlehem
• shepherd (also the year I barfed at the end of "O Come All Ye Faithful")
• sleeping kid (the year they separated programs..we provided the secular portion while the 5-8 classes did La Posada...I remember the teachers getting pissed at them for forgetting the words and my brother Chad mumbling in response.)
• choir member (one damn song! And it was a shitty take on "We Three Kings" to boot. We spent the rest of the program just standing there...I would have gladly reprised the role of sleeping kid!)
• choir member (again, one song, and darned if I know what it was)
• choir member (uh....this one slipped my mind)
• choir member (the year we paid tribute to Christmas around the world...we represented the French) and Hmong narrator (I never wanted to in the first place, since there were other kids reading for the part. Somehow I ended up as one...and for what it's worth, I don't remember any Hmong language now)

Not surprisingly, very few of us enrolled in choir and/or band in high school. VH1 would have a field day with us.

Speaking of music, it's that other season two...Incessant Holiday Music Playing Everywhere Season, aka IHMPES. IMPHES is pretty damned contagious, and is full-blown by the 15th of December. There are some remedies, none of which involve trashing your radio, CD player or iPod. Listen to the stations avoiding the stuff, like Deth Rock 107, New Age-o-Rama, and The Atheist Channel. Or avoid most radios for at least a few weeks.

If I get enough nerve, expect the infamous song list up in a few weeks. That way, I won't go insane and you'll find out the shi---er, music, I like.

Going back to my hunting topic...we're going to be eating some more venison. Turd Boy offed a doe. Shades of Bambi right there, but here in Wisconsin hunters are offered the bonus tag in case they don't get a buck. For one thing, that helps reduce the overpopulation.

I don't care how damn cute and cuddly deer look, but obviously they have brains the size of Paris Hilton's; I've seen more than my fair share of deer carcasses laying on the side of the highway. Back in 1994, on the way home from Yooperland (where my older sister was living at the time), we stopped for a deer about a few miles past Johnson Creek. The deer crossed, and Fajah began to drive off. All of a sudden----WHUMP!!! The same damn deer jumped back and introduced itself to the Celebrity's rear right door...where I was sitting. To say it scared the shit out of me was an understatement. Ditto with Fajah, who let loose a string of stuff worse than some of the words I use on here. Good thing Turd Boy was sleeping...*snigger* No, the deer didn't die but it did take a few years off my life. Bastard creature.

Yeah, what a nice way to end a post, but that's my style. More holiday crap will be on the way.