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Monday, December 18, 2006

The HMO Christmas '06 Mix! Part Two!

Yep, time for the conclusion of this annual non-tradition. Yesterday I tackled my favorite religious songs and today I'll tackle my favorite secular Christmas songs, replete with smartass comments.

  • I should probably start off with the unofficial family theme song "Merry Christmas from the Family," a tribute to those dysfunctional family gatherings. This song will forever bring back memories of Christmas 2004, aka Pukepalooza. For more reference, look for the "12 Days of Hell" post from January '05.
  • "Deck the Halls." The Muppets had a helluva good version. For me, though, I'll forever remember it from the Chinese singers in A Christmas Story. Lest I come off as a Rosie O'Fatass ripoff, I'll refrain from posting the lyrics.
  • "The Twelve Days of Christmas." There's a few variations of it that I like: The Muppets' version (my 29-year-old sister cracks up when Beaker "sings"), the Sesame Street version (where I snigger at the mere thought of Bert and "five argyle socks." And Cookie Monster...Eatin' Cookie. Aggh!), and Bob Rivers' "Twelve Pains" parody, which is an absolute riot.
  • "The Night Santa Went Crazy" by Weird Al. Not for younger listeners, especially the extra gory version where a SWAT guy busts a cap in Santa.
  • Another Weird Al songs, "Christmas at Ground Zero," which tells of the fun we'll have after Iran and North Korea nuke us and we blame Bush. Because, like everything is Bush's fault. (turns off "Liberal" switch)
  • "Frosty the Snowman." Possibly my favorite Rankin/Bass special. As I've said before, I can do a helluva imitation of Jimmy Durante. The sequel with John Goodman was OK, but that ranks third. The first is obviously the R/B, second the recent special with Turd Ferguson as the narrator and Patrick from SpongeBob as Frosty.
  • "Christmas, Baby (Please Come Home)" by Darlene Love. David Letterman has declared this "the best rock and roll Christmas song" in his opinion. Note to self: tape Friday's Letterman. Darlene sings the song each year, along with Jay Thomas knocking the meatball off the tree and Paul Shaffer's "O Holy Night" performance.
  • "Holly Jolly Christmas" as performed by Burl Ives in that Rankin/Bass special about that reindeer with a red nose. On a side note, my dad hated Hermey the Elf with a passion. He did like Yukon Cornelius, though. VIVA BUNGLES!
  • "Rusty Chevrolet" by Da Yoopers, a tale of living in the Upper Midwest during the winter. Good times.
  • "Merry Fucking Christmas" from the South Park Christmas Album "Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics." This song features Mr. Garrison spreading goodwill around the world as only Mr. Garrison could. If you'd play it now, certain minority groups will declare war and make a horrible fuss.
  • "Auld Lang Syne" the first song of the New Year. Note to self: buy booze, Dew, Cheetos, Tylenol, and some batteries. Batteries? That's for me to know and you not to know.


  • Film-wise, I love A Christmas Story and try to watch about four times during its traditional daylong Christmas marathon. There's so many good highlights in this film: there's The Old Man cursing up a storm; Ralphie cursing in front of The Old Man and blaming it on Schwartz; the leg lamp; the kid that sticks his tongue to the flagpole, and Ralphie beating the crap out of Scut Farkus.
  • I'm not sure how this film became a Christmas tradition, but my sister and I are huge fans of The Sound of Music. She bought the CD not too long ago and we sang along to just about every song. Except for the one with the yodeling goats. Yeah, we're Norwegian, but we can't fucking yodel.
  • And on that segue, I'm now in hysterics over the words "fucking yodel," so I'll just link you here. Suck on that, Von Trapps!
  • If it's a Rankin/Bass Christmas special, by default it kicks ass. Unless it's the one with the Leprechaun and his Christmas gold. I still don't get that one.
  • I just purchased the soundtrack to A Charlie Brown Christmas. It's good stuff, man.
  • I still need to purchase Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics. There's more than just Mr. Garrison's song, m'kay?
  • And WGN in 2005 put out a special highlighting its three kids show. The most prominent was of course Bozo. Any Midwestern child growing up in the early '60s - late '90s will remember that Bozo always had three classic Christmas shorts: "Suzy Snowflake," "Frosty the Snowman," and the immortal "Hardrock, Coco and Joe." The latter is quite possibly the most ass-kickingest black-and-white animated clip EVER. It even has yodeling! (Fuck, you just can't get enough of it!!) And yep, more than a few Midwesterners have it on YouTube. I picked one at random which you can find here. Tell him BlanketyBlog sent you.

I should probably put the ribbon on this before I find anymore bizarro Christmas songs.

Speaking on behalf of the rest of The Family,

Have a very Merry Christmas and a blessed 2007.


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