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Wednesday, February 28, 2007

March is Around the Corner...

Because it sure as hell is going to come in as a lion.

The weather situation reminded me of that old joke about the person who moved to Wisconsin. Each day, the person remarked how lovely everything was, until it started to snow. Gradually, the shovels break, the words "shit" and "fuck" are uttered every other sentence (at one point, the person gets so pissed at the snowplow man they break the last shovel "over his fucking head.") And then they move to Georgia and wonder why anyone would move to Wisconsin. That's classic shit, and I actually had a copy tucked in my beaten up copy of Poems Lewd and Lusty (speaking of, I should look for that on eBay).

It's a lot of snow, but at least we're not Oswego, New York. Poor bastards. I bet the kids loved having a month of school off. Who needs a fucking education, anyways? You watch that new game show on FOX where the kids are smarter than the UCLA grad or the computer expert? I rest my case.

Gaah, what else do I have to talk about? Oh, yes, NASCAR. Mark Martin's running a part-time schedule, yet leads the points. Now he's got a major decision to make: keep on racing, or keep to your original plan? The results of the next two races will no doubt be a factor. I don't know if I want to see those godawful Cars of Tomorrow.

I wish I had more to ramble on about, but I don't. Friday, if I remember, I'll put out the first tally of Cussin' for Jesus '07.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

It's That Time Again...

Lent is here! Along with the 40 days, comes the 40-day fundraiser. Formerly the Lenten Cuss Box, I've changed it to something more amusing: Cussin' for Jesus. Every profanity posted on this blog during Lent results in a five-cent donation to the CFJ Box. Wait until the Liberal ass-kissing fiesta Sunday night...that should be a few bucks there.

I don't know when in hell I'll post the first update. Probably whenever I damn feel like it.

By the way, "ManBearPig" airs Wednesday night on Comedy Central.

Fuck you, Al Gore....ManBearPig's a myth!!

Monday, February 05, 2007

A Salute to the Chicago Bears, 2006 NFC Champions

Everybody sing!!

(NOTE: The Original Lyrics are by the Happy Schnapps Combo. Hell, I can't write lyrics this brilliant, so I can't claim this as my own. You should find an audio copy of this too...sheer genius, unless you're a Bears fan)


("On Wisconsin" fanfare)
How many times must we take this disgrace
Another Bears fan throwing insults in our face
The Packers are the greatest team to ever play the game
Even if from time to time they've been a little lame

How could you ever love a team with Jim McMahon?
Not even Porky Pig was as big a ham
They've got a reputation that's mostly based on luck
Da Bears! Still! Suck!

Da Bears Still Suck!
Da Bears Still Suck!
Da Bears Still Suck!
Da Bears Still Suck!
They really really really really really really suck
Yes, Da Bears! Still! Suck!

("On Wisconsin" instrumental)

If you drive to Soldier Field they make you pay a toll
For Cripes' Sake, they only won one lousy Super Bowl
They make fun of Wisconsin, but we don't get upset
Where do you think that they're all headed every chance they get?

We don't really hold a grudge 'cause this is all in fun
As far as football rivalries, we're both Number One
Still we wouldn't mind seein' Ditka run over by a bus
'Cause Da Bears! Still! Suck!

Da Bears Still Suck!
Da Bears Still Suck!
Da Bears Still Suck!
Da Bears Still Suck!
They really really really really really really suck
Yes, Da Bears! Still! Suck!

All the ladies now!

(Women singing)
Da Bears Still Suck!
Da Bears Still Suck!
Da Bears Still Suck!
Da Bears Still Suck!
They really really really really really really suck
Yes, Da Bears! Still! Suck!


Everybody Now!

Da Bears Still Suck!
Da Bears Still Suck!
Da Bears Still Suck!
Da Bears Still Suck!
They really really really really really really suck
Yes, Da Bears! Stilllll! Suuuuuck!!

Hey!




YAAAAAY COLTS!!!

(And this is coming from a Broncos fan. Peyton, Tony...You freakin' deserved the Lombardi trophy!)

My Early Super Bowl XLII Prediction....
Broncos 2,456, Vikings -8 (-28 with wind chill)