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Tuesday, September 25, 2007

BlanketyBlog NFL Toilet Bowl Week 3

Holy shite, I'm early for once!!!

The Toilet is slowly emptying...we have now Plunged five more teams from the Toilet, leaving us with just five Turd Teams remaining.

Which five got Plunged?

  • Great Googly Moogly! The Chiefs beat the Vikings to earn their Plunger.
  • The New York Jets beat fellow Turd Team Miami to get Plunged.
  • Eli's comin'!!! The New York Giants got plunged thanks to their win over Washington.
  • The Philadelphia Eagles got Plunged thanks to an impressive win over the Lions.
  • Holy shit!!!! The Oakland Raiders are the surprise Plunge of the week, beating Cleveland thanks to some shenanigans they learned from their game against the Broncos.

As for the five remaining Turds:

  • Well, obviously the Dolphins.
  • It doesn't get any easier for the Bills, does it? New England's still a bunch of smarmy douchebag cheaters.
  • The Falcons lost to Carolina.
  • Break out the paper bags! The Ain'ts are Coming!! The Madden Curse hasn't hit Vince Young yet.
  • Finally, the Rams, who got spanked by Tampa Bay.

Overall, my Week Three predictions turned out slightly better. I went 10-4-2. In fact, I actually nailed the score of the Jets-Dolphins game. Yaay!! Season standings are 17-12-3.

Time for some Week Four predictions!!

Bye Byes: Titans, Saints, Redskins, Jaguars

  • Texans vs. Falcons. Matt Schaub returns to his old stomping grounds, and will make Atlanta wish they hadn't let him go, especially after what's happened since. Texans by four.
  • Jets vs. Bills. It just doesn't get any easier for Buffalo, does it? Jets by 17.
  • Ravens vs. Browns. Basically, Old Browns vs. New Browns. Old Browns by 13.
  • Rams vs. Cowboys. Meh. Cowboys by 20.
  • Bears vs. Lions. This sounds crazy, but I'll go with Detroit in an upset by a field goal.
  • Raiders vs. Dolphins: normally, the Dolphins have one win at this point and Oakland would still be winless. However, I'm predicting a Plunge; the Dolphins, pick yer points.
  • Packers vs. Vikings. Fearless prediction: Brett Favre will break the TD record at the Humpty Dump. Take yer pick.
  • Buccaneers vs. Panthers. Meh. Tampa by 7.
  • Seahawks vs. 49ers. Meh. Seahawks by 6.
  • Steelers vs. Cardinals. Heh. Steelers by 20.
  • Broncos vs. Colts. SHIT! Take yer pick.
  • Chiefs vs. Chargers. Great Googly Moogly, the Chiefs actually have a shot!! Still, San Diego's got to be awfully pissed. The Chargers, pick yer points.
  • Sunday Nighter: Eagles vs. Giants. Well, Eli might come, you never know. Hell, I'll go with the Giants by 5.
  • MONDAY NIGHT WELL, THAT'S A BETTER MATCHUP THAN TITANS-SAINTS: Patriots vs. Bengals. Well, there'll be a massive display of egos and acts of douchebaggery. I could give a shit about this matchup because I can't stand either team. Take yer pick!

Thursday, September 20, 2007

The BlanketyBlog NFL Toilet Bowl Week Two!!

Yep, it's that time of week; time to dwell on who got plunged and who's still floating in the Can of Mediocrity.

We now have ten Turd Teams remaining. Yep, some teams got Plunged. But who?

  • Surprisingly, Cleveland had a helluva game against the Bengals. 51-45? Whodathunk this would be the game of the week? Hence, the Browns get Plunged.
  • Jacksonville beat fellow Turd Team Atlants.
  • Tampa Bay also got Plunged, beating another Turd Team in New Orleans.
  • Arizona upset Seattle. Plunger for the Cards!
  • Baltimore beat those hapless Jets.
  • Da Bears beat the Chefs. Great googly moogly!

So what happened to the ten Turds?

  • Der, Atlanta lost.
  • Ditto New Orleans.
  • And the New York Jets.
  • And the Chiefs. Great Googly Moogly.
  • The Giants matched their Big Apple counterparts in futility by losing quite embarrassingly to the Packers. Good Lord, last year at this time their record were practically opposite.
  • The Bills got pasted by the Steelers.
  • The Rams got pipped by the 49ers by a point.
  • The Dolphins were hooked by the Cowboys.
  • The Raiders got bamboozled by the Broncos in overtime.
  • The Eagles were beat by the Redskins.

Prediction wise, I went a pathetic 7-8-1 (the tie being the nonpick between New England and San Diego. I mentioned "pick 'em" for few teams; that meant I selected them, but not by points. This time I'll be more specific with the picks. If you see "Take Yer Pick", that'll be a non-selection)

And now, a look at Week Three:

  • Cardinals vs. Ravens. Meh. Ravens by 13.
  • Chargers vs. Packers. It's gonna be ugly at Lambeau Field. The Chargers by 20.
  • Colts vs. Texans. Someone's getting their first loss. Most likelyHouston. Pick yer points.
  • Vikings vs. Chiefs. Great Googly Moogly, the Chefs can't possibly go 0-3, can they? Against those Horrid Purple Unis? Take yer pick.
  • Bills vs. Patriots. Buffalo drew a pretty shitty schedule, didn't they? New England by 30. Tom Brady's still a douche.
  • Dolphins vs Jets. A Plunger Game!! Seeing as how the Jets have owned Miami these past few years, I'll go with New York by a field goal.
  • Lions vs. Eagles. Detroit's won their two games for the year. Philly by 10.
  • 49ers vs. Steelers. Two teams with a winning tradition. Take yer pick.
  • Rams vs. Buccaneers. Meh. Tampa by 9.
  • Jaguars vs. Broncos. Denver can't possibly win three in a row on a winning FG, can they? Can they? Why the hell not? Denver by a field goal, preferably in the last seconds.
  • Browns vs. Raiders. Shit, I'll be shocked if this actually happens, but I'll go with Oakland in an upset. Take your points.
  • Bengals vs. Seahawks. It'll rain. Chad Johnson will still act like an asshat. Seahawks by 5.
  • Panthers vs. Falcons. What kind of reaction will Atlanta get at home? Panthers by 11.
  • Giants vs. Redskins? Is Eli comin'? God, I love Three Dog Night. Redskins by a touchdown.
  • Sunday Flush: Cowboys vs. Bears. Thugs vs. Thugs. Rex Grossman will still suck. Bears by a deuce.
  • MONDAY NIGHT SHITTER: Titans vs. Saints. Bad NFL scheduling strikes again!! Titans by a field goal.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

The 2007 BlanketyBlog NFL Toilet Bowl!!!

For those of you that actually give a flying rip, last year I took a look at the cream of the crap: namely, the teams that would do jack shit in the NFL week after week after bye week. The winning (er, losing) team was none other than the godawful Oakland Raiders, the last team to get a win. They, however, got a quarterback who got greedy and sat out all of preseason. Asshat.

Anyhoo, the name's changed but the game's the same. After Week One, we have 16 teams in the Toilet, so to speak. From now until we have one Turd Team still 0-for-whatever, each team that gets win number one gets the Super Sweet Plunger of Delight, thereby flushing themselves out of contention.

Potty humor asides, here's the 16 Turd Teams of 2007 (wow, and alliterations too!):

  • the Miami Dolphins, who lost in overtime to a surprising Washington squad

  • the Buffalo Bills. However, losing to Denver is the least of their worries this week.

  • the New York Jets, although they finally exposed Bill Belichick for the cheating fucker that he is.

  • the Baltimore Ravens, coming up short to the felons from Cincy.

  • the Cleveland Browns. Seriously, are you surprised? You really think they'd beat the Steelers?

  • the Jacksonville Jaguars, pipped by the Titans.

  • the Oakland Raiders. Shit, they played the perennial NFC Turds from Detroit.

  • the Kansas City Chiefs. Wow, the Texans actually won their season opener for the first time since, well, must've been when they first started playing.

  • the Philadelphia Eagles. Their special teams fucked up big time, giving the Packers their first season opening win since 2002.

  • the New York Giants, made to be the Cowboys' bitches yet again. Eli's not comin',

  • Da Chicago Bears. Rex Grossman continues to prove that he sucks.

  • the New Orleans Saints. A shame someone had to play the Colts.

  • the Atlanta Falcons. Poor bastards. I still hate the Vikings.

  • the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Who in the hell'd they play? Oh, the Seahawks.

  • the St. Louis Rams. Oh, the Panthers.

  • the Arizona Cardinals. Holy crap, the 49ers actually won a game too!

And now, what fate befalls these Turd Teams in Week 2?

  • Texans vs. Panthers. Daylight come, and you gotta Delhomme. Panthers by 14.

  • Bengals vs. Browns. Hah! Bengals by 30.

  • Falcons vs. Jaguars. Someone's getting Plunged! Methinks it'll be Jacksonville by 2.

  • Packers vs. Giants. Eli's not sure whether he's comin'. If the Giants' D look like they did Sunday, the Packers should win. Pick 'em.

  • Bills vs. Steelers. Big Ben and Co. go 2-0 by 20.
  • 49'ers vs. Rams. San Fran's been hot, so I'll go with them by 12.

  • Saints vs. Buccaneers. Somebody's getting plunged. New Orleans is most likely, probably by a touchdown.
  • Colts vs. Titans. Peyton will be too much for Vince Young. Colts by 30.
  • Seahawks vs. Cardinals. Meh.....take yer pick.
  • Vikings vs. Lions. Eeeh.....der, Lions by 40.
  • Cowboys vs. Dolphins. Fond memories of Leon Lett fucking up in the snow on Turkey Day...nostalgia favors the Dolphins by 5.
  • Jets vs. Ravens. Another Plunger goes to the winner of this game. The Jets should improve this week, but not by much. Pick 'em.
  • Chiefs vs. Bears. Ahh, fond nostalgia of the old Snickers commercial. Great googly moogly, the Chefs by 12.
  • Raiders vs. Broncos. Do you even have to ask? Broncos by eleventy billion.
  • Chargers vs Cheaters--er, Patriots. The Chargers are gonna have sweet revenge on their minds, and will hopefully wipe that fucking smirk off Tom Brady's face. Pick yer points.
  • Monday Night Snore: Redskins vs. Eagles. Well, it can't be that dull, unless McNabb gets hurt again. Eagles by 9.

Have fun!!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Have You Forgotten??

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Guess Who's Back, Back Again...

Lazy bee-yotch typing this blog, back again....

Either I'm lazy, or I haven't found the time to post on here. Anyways, I'm doing perfectly fine. Well, except for I burned my hand yesterday and I now have the Nike swoosh branded near my thumb. Yeah, it hurt like a bitch. No, I don't have a photo. Yet.

Family wise, they're all fine. Especially the bebe. Would you like to see a recent photo of her? No? Well, tough titty.

(FYI, that's her uncle Turd Boy holding her.)

And because I can, one more...

Yeah, that's the good stuff. According to the doctor, she's above average in height. Considering her daddy is 6' 1", that was probably going to happen. Little Alexzandrea just turned five months old on Thursday. Hard to believe she's been here nearly half a year. She does have a penchant for inhaling a bottle the way an alcoholic would a 12 oz. longneck. Then she spews all over me and smiles her lil' head off. How can you not laugh at that?

Speaking of the Turd, he's in his fourth year of college. He'll make one hell of an engineer.

As for my quiet little pissant redneck podunk white trash Blue Hills town, it's been five years since Mother Nature fucked us over F-3 style. Five years later, I think that Ladyville's doing just fine. A Country Kitchen (not Buffet, sadly) is set to open within days, and next month our Wal-Mart will open. And we'll actually have real honest to God traffic lights!! We're moving up in the world!

Monday, the Sports Desk gets dusted off. Between college foosball and the NFL, baseball and NASCAR, there's a shitload of sports on the docket. I've also got some special stuff planned for this fall, if I'm not lazy enough to forget. Until then, good fright!