Now with 50% more fail!


Tuesday, November 29, 2005

The Sports Desk

It's time once again for the weekly view on sports....this week's it's football, again.

First off, college. Unless Colorado or UCLA pull off an upset, the Rose Bowl matchup is pretty much set.

Meanwhile, there's two other major conferences holding a championship game to determine BCS eligibility. The SEC title game pits Georgia against LSU, while the first-ever ACC game features Florida State and Virginia Tech.

Notre Dame, by virtue of pulling off some late heroics against Stanford, are also bowl eligible, putting college football pundits in a tizzy. Should Penn State, the Big Ten champs, take a backseat to the Irish in the Fiesta Bowl race? Hmmm...being a Catholic in Badger country, I'm not going to comment. Hopefully both teams get a BCS game.

If Ohio State, as rumored, snags an at-large bid, Bucky Invades Orlando, 1/2/06. Wisconsinites are eagerly awaiting this Sunday's selection show.

Speaking of, Friday night brought us the college football special, Badger Five-O. In the special, John Stocco, sidekick Brian Calhoun, "Book 'Em" Stanley, and the rest of Barry's Boys ran wild in the Aloha Stadium. When all was said and down, Bucky posted a 41-24 score on the Rainbow Warriors (no, not Jeff Gordon's pit crew!). The special paled in comparison to "Bucky Slaughters the Temple Owls and angers Animal Rights Pussies in the Process."

Meanwhile, in the NFL, the Colts beat the Steelers a bit handily. Some of you may think 23-7 may not be as "handily" as whatever score the Broncos put on the Jets a few weeks ago, or the Boredom Bowl at Lambeau in October, but considering the hype both sides got, it was a surprise. Watch, the Colts can beat a team like the Patriots, Bengals or Steelers, but watch them lose to Tennessee or Houston.

Speaking of Houston....YOU BASTARDS!! Talk about your choke jobs...they were beating the Rams by TEN! LATE IN THE FREKKING FOURTH QUARTER!! And they let some third string guy beat them IN FREKKING OVERTIME!!!! IS THERE NO JUSTICE IN FOOTBALL?

No, wait; the Eagles won. But if Houston had won, Wisconsin would no longer have a pro football team. IS THERE NO JUSTICE IN FOOTBALL??

Wait, Ron Dayne beat the Cowboys in overtime. Well, he needed Jason Elam to kick the field goal to win it, but still....BRONCOS!!!!! Bring on the Chiefs!

Playoff wise, the Colts, Broncos and Seahawks are most likely in for their respective conferences. The other big question is who will get Reggie Bush in the draft. If Houston had won...YOU BASTARDS!!!, Green Bay would have a Aaron Rodgers/Reggie Bush starting combination. Houston, let me repeat something....YOU BASTARDS!!!

Man, I think the post-Thanksgiving indigestion has finally gotten to me.

Let me grab a drink here...ahh, nothing like a cold Dew. Anyways, it'll be a four-team fight for Reggie Bush. They oughta have a playoff for that, call it the Toilet Bowl and have it the day before the Big Game. I'd pay good money to see who is the Cream of the Crap.

Speaking of, here's a fun question for you to try out; who would win in a battle between your favorite football team and any university. Granted, my Broncos would probably take out Bucky, but what if Bucky took on Past His Prime and Should've Retired Years Ago and his, leftovers.

Brooks Bollinger sucks. I guess being choked by that Ohio State guy did something to his talent.

Friday night, NASCAR brings us the Tony Stewart Coronation Ceremony. Oh yeah, some other guys are getting honored too.

Speaking of, there may be a new broadcast deal on the horizon. No more NBC...instead, ESPN and ABC would get 17 races including the Chase. FOX would get 13, and TNT would have 6. That, of course, comes to 42. (rimshot)

With that bad Hitchhiker's Guide joke, that wraps up this week's Sports Desk. Next week, more football, and maybe some college hoops.

Sunday, November 27, 2005


Now you can do searches and crap through the new Google link. Search for "Psychiatric Help for Olson Files Writer" first.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Drawn Together Repeat Recap: Mr. and Mr. Ham

I finally caught the episode I missed was an interesting one to say the least.

SPANKY!! is downloaded with an internet virus (no doubt invented by Al Gore). To receive the proper cure, he needs insurance, but our favorite bawdy porcine friend lacks it. Oh, wait, Xandir does...but he's gay. Will SPANKY!!! engage in fake gay marriage to Xandir for the insurance. Is Toot a fatass?

Meanwhile, Foxxy learns she doesn't have her mystery-solving license (while Josie, Daphne and Captain Hero do). She decides to enroll in college to earn the degree, but is thwarted by the test. She decides to engage in some trickery, with some help from Ling Ling (you know the joke, people). After that backfires, she takes on the Board of Education (cue Schoolhouse Rock parodies). After a great Return of the Jedi gag, she redeems herself...but not until after Ling Ling buys it.

Back to our original story, Clara is upset at the whole gay marriage thing, and gets The Royal Insurance Adjustor to investigate. After some hilarity, Clara ends up accepting the thing....of course, her prediction of apocalypse comes true. Irony's a bitch, isn't it?

Overall, three Dews. Could've used the other three characters more, but the whole Foxxy stuff was wild.

Next week is all new, baby! Assuming the Klum Babies did their thing, the cast learns the house was built on ancient Indian burial grounds. So what do they do as a tribute? Can you say "Casino?"

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Oh Crap, It's Finally Here....

That month of merriment known as The Holiday Season. Pounds will be gained, money will be spent, and people everywhere will take up drinking something by the last day of the year.

Of course, not only will I have Christmas to look forward to, but I also have my birthday in a few weeks. That does give me a small amount of pleasure...I'm one who doesn't really know if there's something really nice to ask for. Except for last year, when my Discman busted its hinge, I asked for that. Bing!

I guess it's easier for me to shop for others than others to shop for me. I should use that line as my holiday mantra.

Of course, being a Catholic, Christmas is more than the nice presents and the ten extra pounds from two big dinners in a month. Advent gives Lent a run for the money when it comes to my favorite religious season. The colors, the decorations in anticipation of the coming Messiah, and the music make it a fun four weeks.

The Catholics in my town also have another Sunday tradition; attending the annual OLS Christmas Program, rushing to the school for the reception, and crashing into the kindergarten room to see what the score of the Packers game is. I took part in nine of them...Kindergarten through eighth grade. We had no choice; this was considered a school day (since we got the Monday after Catholic Schools Week off while the public schoolers had class)

Off the top of my head, I was:

  • a drummer
  • shepherd
  • Star of Bethlehem
  • shepherd (also the year I barfed at the end of "O Come All Ye Faithful")
  • sleeping kid (the year they separated programs..we provided the secular portion while the 5-8 classes did La Posada...I remember the teachers getting pissed at them for forgetting the words and my brother Chad mumbling in response.)
  • choir member (one damn song! And it was a shitty take on "We Three Kings" to boot. We spent the rest of the program just standing there...I would have gladly reprised the role of sleeping kid!)
  • choir member (again, one song, and darned if I know what it was)
  • choir member (uh....this one slipped my mind)
  • choir member (the year we paid tribute to Christmas around the world...we represented the French) and Hmong narrator (I never wanted to in the first place, since there were other kids reading for the part. Somehow I ended up as one...and for what it's worth, I don't remember any Hmong language now)

Not surprisingly, very few of us enrolled in choir and/or band in high school. VH1 would have a field day with us.

Speaking of music, it's that other season two...Incessant Holiday Music Playing Everywhere Season, aka IHMPES. IMPHES is pretty damned contagious, and is full-blown by the 15th of December. There are some remedies, none of which involve trashing your radio, CD player or iPod. Listen to the stations avoiding the stuff, like Deth Rock 107, New Age-o-Rama, and The Atheist Channel. Or avoid most radios for at least a few weeks.

If I get enough nerve, expect the infamous song list up in a few weeks. That way, I won't go insane and you'll find out the shi---er, music, I like.

Going back to my hunting topic...we're going to be eating some more venison. Turd Boy offed a doe. Shades of Bambi right there, but here in Wisconsin hunters are offered the bonus tag in case they don't get a buck. For one thing, that helps reduce the overpopulation.

I don't care how damn cute and cuddly deer look, but obviously they have brains the size of Paris Hilton's; I've seen more than my fair share of deer carcasses laying on the side of the highway. Back in 1994, on the way home from Yooperland (where my older sister was living at the time), we stopped for a deer about a few miles past Johnson Creek. The deer crossed, and Fajah began to drive off. All of a sudden----WHUMP!!! The same damn deer jumped back and introduced itself to the Celebrity's rear right door...where I was sitting. To say it scared the shit out of me was an understatement. Ditto with Fajah, who let loose a string of stuff worse than some of the words I use on here. Good thing Turd Boy was sleeping...*snigger* No, the deer didn't die but it did take a few years off my life. Bastard creature.

Yeah, what a nice way to end a post, but that's my style. More holiday crap will be on the way.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Meanwhile, in these Neck of the Woods....

I thought I'd take another little break from the usual stuff and give you some good old local news.

Rusk County and pretty much every single county in Wisconsin is getting ready for that one magical day in November....and after that we'll prepare for Thanksgiving. (TOF drummer plays rimshot)

The first day of hunting season is something most men and a few women eagerly await every year. Licenses are bought, guns are cleaned and the beer companies profit big time.

There are hunters in my family, on both sides. My dad and brothers have hunted since they were certified in Hunter Education classes. My cousins on my mom's side do as well. I would say out of all of them, my brother Chad is the most avid. He is what you'd call an outdoorsman. If it involves a gun, bow, or fishing rod, he'll most likely do it. Last weekend was the bow hunting season for deer. Yep, Chad was out there.

(cue flashback)

It's 4:45, and the three of us (Majah, Fajah and yours truly) are doing what we usually do at this time; watching The Gilmore Girls. During commercials, Majah gets a call. It's Chad, and from what we can translate, he saw a deer, and was "pumped up."

As it turns out, he offed an eight-pointer. He says it was the biggest deer he'd ever seen. He brought it home that night....and based on what I saw, we're going to be eating lots of venision.

(end flashback)

Yep, it's hunting season, in good old full swing. Granted, there is a cloud hanging over the state due to the event from last year, but out of respect for both sides, I'll refrain from commentary.

This past weekend, Fajah and Chad went out. At 3:30 Saturday afternoon, a buck was in the Toyota's bed. Yeah, Chad shot another one. They'll do some more hunting on Thanksgiving Day (a tradition) along with Turd Boy, fresh from Platteville.

Along with Thanksgiving, comes that most wonderful time of the year...Black Friday. Let's make this clear; I'm not that insane to stand outside in 15 degree weather at five in the morning. I do my shopping early to mid-December, driving in congested traffic and brawling over iPods like any normal person would.

Of course, now with the holiday season comes that plague of music. I'd love to rant about it here, but that's a completely different topic which will be tackled in due time.

Yeah...I'm fresh out of ideas. I'll wrap it up by wishing Cheesehead Hunters to stay safe, and get some nice deer...and let me know if you see that elusive Turdy Pointer.

The Sports Desk

It's that time again for something that interests absolutely nobody!!


The football gods hate Wisconsin right now. I'll leave that at that.

My Broncos? Winners again, baby. I pity the Jets fans right now....a little. Plummer and Co. are hopefully going to make the Cowboys their Turkey Day Bitches. Whoo!!

Peyton and the New Greatest Show on Turf are still rolling along, after beating those damned Bengals and The New TO. Next up...the Steelers on Monday night. This may be the Colts' toughest test of the season. Somebody may want to inform some people down in Miami to get some champagne ready.

Meanwhile, if Reggie Bush goes pro, he better get ready to go to, Houston.


The NASCAR season finally reached its end at Homestead, where Greg Biffle won the race but Tony Stewart took the Cup. I'm not Tony's biggest fan, but I'm glad to see a Chevy driver as the champion once again. I was hoping for Jimmie Johnson to finish second, but a blown tire said otherwise. One day he'll take off the bridesmaid helmet.

Meanwhile, Jeff Gordon ended up with the 11th place slot, aka The First Guy Brian France Doesn't Give a Shit About 'Cause He Ain't in the Chase Award. As TFGBFDGASACHAITC, Jeff receives a bonus upping his prize payout to a million, and gets some TV time. After that, he heads off to France to kick some F1 asses and maybe score some more with that Belgian model.

Ryan Newman hates Rusty Wallace...Jayski mentioned at the drivers' meeting after Rusty was introduced for the final time, all the people in the room gave him a standing O. Except Ryan. Bastard.

Silly Season for the most part has ended with most guys in new rides, and Ricky Rudd stepping away. Not retiring, says Ricky. He's set to spend time with his family, the same way Rusty is. Mark Martin was unable to retire thanks to the whole McMurray/Busch madness.

Sterling Marling, Ken Schrader, Bobby Labonte and Michael Waltrip have new rides. A shitload of Busch series drivers, including Junior's Bitch, Jr., are set to make up the rookie class, said to be one of the best in years. 2006 is going to be interesting.

That wraps up this week's Sports Desk. Next week, Football Up the Wazoo.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

The Sports Desk

It's time once again to turn the "Rant" lever toward "Sports." Sports is a fun topic to rant about it. Once again, it'll be categorized into each lil' section.


For the first time since realignment, the NFC Norris teams all won. The damned Queens beat the Giants, the Lions made the Cardinals bitches once again, Da Bears showed signs of past glory by embarrassing the 49ers, and those frackin' Packers beat Michael Vick and Co. How the hell does that happen? On paper you have one of the most exciting QBs in the league and a decent offense, versus a quarterback with virtually nothing left but reserves. Shit happens, I guess.

Meanwhile, the Cowboys sent the Iggles on their continued downward spiral. How exciting a game was that? With three minutes left, Dallas went from being down 20-7 to leading by a point. Amazing stuff.

As for the Colts. Still taking names and kicking ass. Tom Brady, you suck.

Meanwhile, my Broncos are 7-2 and face the falling Jets. After that, a Turkey day date with them Cowboys. Yee-haw!!


Goddamn Iowa. That is all.


The big news this week DIDN'T happen on the track. After his reckless driving ticket and suspicious drinking, Kurt Busch made Tony Stewart look like Jeff Gordon.

The racing gods then conspired to make Sunday's race interesting. The winner? Kurt's lil' brother Kyle, who then got pissed off at the media for asking about Kurt. Family bonds, those are hard to break.

With only one race to go, four drivers are still in the hunt for the Cup. Of those four, only two actually have a shot. Tony Stewart and Jimmie Johnson are hoping for breaks to fall in just the right direction. Greg Biffle and The Backflipping Prettyboy are going to have to hope for a lot more than that. Jeff Gordon is hoping to stay in's a friggin' million and some TV time. Then he can go to France and waste Michael Schumacher's ass at Race of Champions.

Meanwhile, basketball and hockey are in full swing. One could say the Bucks are a surprise team. Ditto the entire NHL.

Anyways, that's it for this installment of The Sports Desk. Next week, Rivalry Week, Packers/Vikings, and Homestead will be covered.

SPECIAL: South Park/Drawn Together Recap Extravaganza!!!

That was a mouthful!

November 16 may very well be a day to remember for animation fans. Particularly fans of South Park. Last week, in the blog published by South Park Studios, Anne Garafino hinted at an episode that was really wild. Really, really wild.

"Trapped in the Closet" is now the Official Best South Park Episode Skewering Current Events of All Time. After it aired last night, there may be massive feedback flowing into Comedy Central headquarters.

To begin;

  • Stan takes a personality test administered by the church of Scientology (note I didn't capitalize "church" as it conflicts big time with my faith). This type of plot was referred to in "Toilet Paper" when Cartman creates the alibi for the boys.
  • As it turns out, Stan is depressed, and is scanned for some bizarro thetans or crap like that. After his thetans--ah, screw it. Mitachlorians!!!!---are off the chart, the people believe him to be the second appearance of L. Ron Hubbard.
  • This is where pure comic gold is made. Of course, all the Scientologists arrive at the Marsh house, thinking Stan is their leader reincarnated.
  • The president of the group then tells Stan the most bizarrething I've ever heard in my life. It involves something named Zenu, and souls frozen in volcanoes, and special brainwashing facilites and shit like that.
  • The highlight during the narrative is the disclaimer "THIS IS WHAT SCIENTOLOGISTS ACTUALLY BELIEVE." I almost pissed myself laughing. How can someone be that stupid to believe in a science fiction story?
  • Tom Cruise, for one. After Stan rightfully disses his films, he traps himself in Stan's closet.
  • Which sets off the running gag of the episode...Tom Cruise won't come out of the closet. I also once again nearly pissed myself laughing.
  • R Kelly makes an appearance, singing about Tom in the closet, then threatening to cap a bitch. The R Kelly appearance in necessary, seeing as some song of his is the title of this ep.
  • Even John Travolta tries to get Tom out, only to end up in there himself. hmmm....
  • Surprisingly, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman only appear in this episode for a brief scene. I would have thought Kyle would have been in it longer trying to save Stan from a nasty fate. After all, Stan was able to convince Kyle not to attend Jewliard because that douche John Edward said to.
  • Meanwhile, Stan learns what Scientology really is. I won't repeat it here because either you already know, or I'm trying to save my ass. I'll mention that reason later.
  • Oh yeah, R Kelly ends up in the closet too, after a singalong with Travolta and Cruise.
  • Props to the Nicole Kidman cameo.
  • What, no Penelope Cruz reference?
  • Stan finally tells the Scientologists that he isn't L. Ron Hubbard.
  • What do the Scientologists do? What they do best....sue.
  • Stan doesn't give a shit.
  • At which point we go to credits, featuring John Smith and Jane Smith. After the first time I watched it, I wasn't thrilled with another shitty ending, and was set to give it four Dews.
  • Fortunately, that where one good person at Right Nation came in. "Leaf" posted a fantastic thread which can be found here. That was able to give me the explanation.
  • To put it simply....Messrs. Smith gave their staff those common names, just in case the Scientologists sue. Isn't protection fun?
  • Overall, it was a perfect episode done in trademark South Park fashion.


DRAWN TOGETHER: Wooldoor's Change!!

This was interesting. Wooldoor experiences puberty and begins to, you know, play with himself. Clara, of course takes offense and vows to stop him. Wooldoor then shows off his new technique...which results in a "klum baby." Clara shows Wooldoor the dangers of self-pleasure (complete with the cliched blind boy with a dirty hand)...but the klum baby cures the kid.

Of course, Foxxy and SPANKY!!! capitalize by selling the babies as a miracle cure.

Meanwhile, the subplot focuses on Ling Ling (whoo!) and his many lovers, er, battles. His parents send him another one, by the name of Ni-pul (get it??). The romance starts off well but like others, soon wears off. That is, until Ni-pul convinces Ling Ling to stop calling it "battles" and call it sex. NOTE: anybody know the song that was playing during the battle?

Meanwhile, Clara becomes extremely angry that Wooldoor's klum babies are curing people, so she brings in some help. That's right, The Veggie Fables. Larry the Tomato and Bob the Cucumber are able to convince Wooldoor to stop choking his chicken.

Of course, that's when Clara gets the consumption and seeks a klum baby. This incenses Bob, who proceeds to kill everybody except Wooldoor. Wooldoor is cornered until a klum baby cures Bob of his psychosis. At which point Bob realizes what he did and offs himself. This leaves Wooldoor free to punch his munchkin as he pleases. was funny, but the ending scared me. Considering Comedy Central didn't advertise a new episode, I wonder if this was the season finale or in the case of SP, a Thanksgiving vacation. The episode merits Three and a half Dews.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Quickie Update

Look under the link section for the new GSWF Blog.

Meanwhile, check out the ads. ;)

Isn't shameless begging fun?

Drawn Together Recap: Captain Hero's Marriage Plan

Well, I caught the airing already, so before I forget, here's the recap.

Captain Hero's old flame, Unusually Flexible Girl, arrives with one thing on her mind...marriage. He doesn't want to, so he gets Wooldoor involved instead. Things, of course, backfire, and CH must get Xandir's advice.

Meanwhile, Foxxy learns about her old band's whereabouts, and proceeds to reunite them in a drunken orgy. But tragedy strikes, and with the help of SPANKY!, cuts an Elton John-eque tribute track. Of course, the fame goes to her head, especially when she finds out she did the deed.

Back to the main story, CH and Wooldoor both want UFG, and are about to fight. And where have Clara and Toot been all this time? Oh yeah, making the climactic potato gun.

Overall, a better episode than last week's. Even Ling Ling's appreciation of drycleaning humor helped.

Four Dews.

Next week looks like a Wooldoor spotlight ep, again.

Reality Bytes....the Hump Day Extravaganza!!

Aren't Wednesdays lovely? Especially today in windy Wisconsin. I guess there is a way to cheer people up...a reality update. In two sections!!


We should only be so lucky...VH1 is giving us a third season of Celebrity Fit Club. Let's face it; there's nothing more entertaining than watching overweight Hollywood Hasbeens try to shed a few pounds, right? (NOTE: I'm not supermodel size either, but I'm not going to exploit myself on cable TV either)

Who's the Lucky Eight, you ask? VH1 received commitments from these quasi-famous folk:

  • Chastity Bono, aka Sonny and Cher's kid.
  • Bruce Vilanch...I see the Hollywood Squares fans jumping up and down there. Sit down, Whoopi!
  • Kelly LeBrock. Name sounds familiar, but damned if I don't remember what she was in.
  • Young MC. From "Bust a Move" to "Bust an Ass to Burn Calories."
  • Countess Vaughn, of Moesha & The Parkers fame. She was also in the Marla Gibbs/Jackee series 227.
  • Jeff Conway. Isn't he the guy from Taxi & Grease that nobody remembers?
  • Tempestt Bledsoe, one of the Huxtable kids. I see she's following Keisha Knight Pulliam in the "Embarrass Oneself on National TV" trend.
  • Bizzare. Yay, another rapper!!

There's no airdate set for CFC3, but I pray that Harvey Walden returns.

Meanwhile, on Really Shitty Celebrity Singers, the audience took mercy on Joe Pantoliano, Kim Alexis and some woman I've never heard of. Back for more torture are Morgan Fairchild, William Hung's sister, one of those damned annoying Gotti kids, Jagger, Larry Holmes, and the Power Ranger.


Kiddies, if you want to see how NOT to conduct oneself on TV, please watch Martha Stewart's Apprentice tonight. Jim, you asshat, I'll be surprised if Martha doesn't find you as a bad fit.

Of course, you're better off watching Lost. Somebody's going to die, you know, and it's a female. I know who, but I'll be damned if I'm going to spoil it; I'll be watching Martha Stewart's Apprentice anyways.

If you like watching Donald Trump firing some asses, tomorrow's Apprentice has the teams working on Star Wars stuff. This, along with the Chewbacca getting fired ad, screams shark.

Oh, yah. Simon Cowell likes some Irish girl that auditioned for AI. Simon liking somebody? Whoa!

Finally, watch Judd become a drunken ass on Survivor tomorrow. It screams "laughs!" and "AA!"

That'll wrap it up for this reality byte. As always, look for updates as they happen.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Random Rants


Note the lovely ad space up there? Mountain Dew doesn't grow on trees, you know. ;)

Meanwhile, keep your eyes peeled for the new GSWF Blog. Hoo-rah! Note: this won't get updated nearly as much as this blog, but it's better to think out a plot rather than just bang it out. Most screenwriters should follow that advice.

Some DVDs that come out this Tuesday include Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (which I enjoyed, although the original is far superior) and the first set of Beavis and Butt-Head: The Mike Judge Collection. Worth noting is that some of the episodes contain stuff that MTV wasn't too thrilled with....including the infamous "Let's Burn Something" ep and the immortal ep where our Dopey Duo sniff paint thinner and wreck Tom Anderson's house. One of my all-time favorite eps is on there (The Great Cornholio), and several music videos. I could go on and on about Beavis and Butt-Head, but I need the sleep.

Sports news....the media can finally shut up now about Peyton Manning never winning a game against New England. Now they can focus on, uhm, what other exciting football story is there? Besides Terrell Owens and His Never-Closed Piehole. I think everybody's had enough of that.

Unless you reside in Wisconsin. It's November....the annual Brett Favre "Will He or Won't He?" Rumor Extravanganza has started. I say start Aaron Rodgers and take that #1 draft pick on Matt Leinart.

Pam Anderson on the FOX NFL pregame show....I ask, who were the ad wizards who came up with that one? I don't know if Terry Bradshaw was laughing or wondering what the hell he just witnesed.

7-1 Miami over undefeated Alabama in the polls? Who are the ad wizards who came up with that one? Fortunately, the BCS noticed the error.

Good news for fellow Brewers fans...Robin Yount is the new bench coach. Yahoo!

NASCAR Silly Season is underway big time. Click on the Jayski link on the right to find out all the NASCAR news that Brian France doesn't want you to see.

That's just about it for this portion of rants. Comments are always welcomed.

Happy Veterans Day...and Happy Anniversary Majah and Fajah 11/9.

Drawn Together Recap: Season Two, Ep Three

We get an episode featuring our favorite Zebulon, Captain Hero!

The CH plot was the better of the two, with Meema and Pop paying their son a visit. Captain Hero then goes through a phase, including the old "Go in Drag to a Stag Party" routine. Only then do we learn the secret Cap's folks have been hiding; it turns out that he was so lame, the parents sent him to Earth.

Hell hath no fury like an angry superhero....Captain Hero obliterating his people is priceless.

The subplot...meh. Foxxy, Ling Ling, Clara, Toot and SPANKY! start a suicide hotline. Foxxy is the only one that gets involved, until she finds out that her caller is a quadriplegic. Little does she know he has someting to hide. The highlight? SPANKY! and Ling Ling don lingerie.

Xandir and Wooldoor didn't get a whole lot of screen time.

This was a Three Dew effort. Definitely not one of my favorites, but not super crappy, like Captain Hero. Or Brett Favre, for that matter.

I didn't catch the preview for this week's show, so hopefully I'm in for a pleasant surprise.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

The Olson Files Sports Desk

There's nothing better than a minor rant to help one sleep. I need the sleep, hence the rant.

---Daunte Culpepper phucked up his knee big time. Yes, I loathe the Vikings but you never want to see somebody's career drastically affected by something like that. My older brother tore his ACL back in '97; he'd hurt it before in '96 but a game against Cumberland finished the deed. Considering several of his classmates also tore ACLs that year, maybe something was going on at LHS.

In essence, if the Vikings weren't already phucked this season what with Whizzinator a Go Go, several players scuffling with the law, and the now infamous Love Boat Fiasco, this put the nail in the coffin. Mike Tice, now may be a good time to start looking for another coaching job.

---Meanwhile, here in this state, there's unconfirmed reports of grocery stores running out of brown paper bags. Allegedly every Pick n Save and Piggly Wiggly in the Green Bay area is right damn out of them. Well, being the fans of the worst team in the NFC, I can't blame them.

Which brings up the question; why the hell haven't they benched Favre yet? Five INTs ain't gonna get it done. Plus, you HAVE to start Aaron Rodgers soon, otherwise he'll be unprepared for when he finally has to, and the Packers will then be in the same boat as the Vikings (no pun intended). Maybe the upcoming massacre at the hands of the Steelers will prompt that decision to be made very very fast. Rodgers, and then they'll probably get Matt Leinart; their QB situation should be taken care of in April.

---Meanwhile, being a Broncos fan, I can mock both teams, as well as the Eagles. Yeah, you guys gave us a scare, but when the rains fall on Mile High, so do the Denver touchdowns. With a bye week, I can sit back and enjoy a good sporting weekend.

---Speaking of the Eagles....Terrell Owens is a dumbphuck. Don't talk shit about the best player on your team, then expect the fans to cheer when you have a milestone touchdown. His ass and his mouth are now enjoying a well-deserved timeout.

---College football....well, I'm not too disappointed in Bucky's loss today. 35-14 sounds a helluva lot better than the score Texas posted and the inevitable 267 USC puts up against some cupcake squad. Also, UW is back at Camp Randall, ready to make Iowa their bitches. I don't mind seeing a return to the Outback Bowl. Hell, the Capital One would be nice, but Ohio State's gonna have to lose another game. Still, they got more wins than the Packers and Vikings combined.

NASCAR: Ah, the chase is winding down. In all essence, it's probably down to three. Stewart, Johnson and Biffle are beginning to distance themselves from Newman and Friends. It's easy to tell that because they're the only three trash-talking each other. Johnson's crew chief mocks Stewart mocks Johnson's crew chief and calls Biffle "One Way and Dead End." Biffle accuses Johnson of cheating by testing in Brian Vickers' car. Meanwhile, the drivers who seem to be enjoying a momentum swing....Jeff Gordon and Dale Earnhardt Junior. I don't know if this is a sign they'll be threats in 2006, but they're not just going to stay down. They're not the Vikings.

Well, that's my view on some of the sports and stuff going on. This may be revisited Monday. Stay tuned!!

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

November Update

It's late, and the Dew isn't working. I feel like I'm going to fall asleep on the keyboard anytime.

Anyways, a few updates:

---Drawn Together recap for last week is postponed. The Captain Hero ep should be, if I remember to watch it.
---GSWF News: I've been hyping the damned thing for about two months. However, looking at this blog, I think it'd make a lot more sense if the GSWF was featured in its own blog, thus leaving this one open to other crap. Look for the GSWF Blog, with the overhyped new programming, in the near future. Apologies for keeping you guys waiting. Especially for the hollow hype.
---Speaking of this blog, look for the SOS. I think you know what that means. :P
---December....the HMO Christmas Song List returns!! (this'll actually be true). What songs did I keep? What are the new ones? Oooh, the non-excitement!

Either way, that'd be the update for this week.