Toilet Bowl, Week Four

It's been an interesting week for me, both good and bad. That can go in another post. Here be a somewhat truncated version of the standings for the Toilet Bowl..

Plungers went to Cleveland and Kansas City, leaving the Bowl with only four Turds remaining. Those teams would be the Bengals, Lions, Rams and Texans.

My record for this week was 8-5, but I did correctly pick the Redskins' upset of the Cowboys. Just like in the movies! Overall, I be 25-13-6.

NFL WEEK FIVE

Byes: Browns, Raiders, Rams, Jets

• Titans vs. Ravens. An interesting matchup, with Tennessee's perfect record on the line. The Ravens played a helluva game against Pittsburgh, so I look for them to pull off the win.
• Chiefs vs. Panthers. CHEFS: YOU DON'T DESERVE THE GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY THIS WEEK, YA BASTARDS!! Panthers.
• Bears vs. Lions. I really wanna do a take-yer-pick here, but I just can't. Here's a Shitz-n-Gigglez pick....the Lions.
• Falcons vs. Packers. Suddenly, trading Brett Favre doesn't sound like such a good idea, does it Ted Thompson? Falcons.
• Colts vs. Texans. Peyton and Co. flat-out stink this year, but at least Peyton's knee is still intact. Doesn't matter. UPSET PICK: Texans. Goodness, I'm picking two Turds to win here!
• Chargers vs. Dolphins. Wowee, this game actually doesn't sound as bad as it looks. Miami may be turning around here, but I give the edge to the Chargers.
• Seahawks vs. Giants. Seattle is just pathetic. Giants.
• Redskins vs. Eagles. This game doesn't sound that bad either, and it looks like Washington might finally be getting their shit back together. Redskins.
• Buccaneers vs. Broncos. Last week sucked. FUCK YOU, CHEFS!! Denver rebounds. I hope.
• Bills vs. Cardinals. The Bills are IMO one win away from being The Surprise Team of the season. They get that win here.
• Bengals vs. Cowboys. The Battle of the Loud-Mouthed Self-Centered Asshole Wide Receivers. I cannot lower myself to choose between the two, so here's a take yer pick.
• Patriots vs. 49ers. Shitz-n-Gigglez Pick #2....San Fran.
• SUNDAY NIGHT....Steelers vs. Jaguars? Wasn't Pittsburgh on a few weeks ago? Jaguars.
• MONDAY NIGHT....Vikings vs. Saints. Boooooring....Saints.

Toilet Bowl, Week Three

Here we go again, another week, another Toilet Bowl recap. Week Three started off with eleven Turds in the bowl. Believe it or not, we Plunged an impressive five teams this time around...

• Starting off, a Plunge for the Vikings, who won more games this weekend than the rest of the NFC Norris, combined.
• And a Plunge for the Jaguars, who stunned the Colts.
• The Seahawks beat another Turd to earn their Plunge.
• The Chargers beat the Jets on Monday Night for their Plunge.
• And the biggest Plunge of all? THE DOLPHINS!!! Computer said "YES!!" to their chances against the Patriots. Jeez, there went my pick!!

So that leaves the Bowl emptier, with six Turds remaining....and heeeeere they are!!

• The utterly pathetic St. Louis Rams, the givers of the Plunge to the Seahawks.
• The even more pathetic Detroit Lions. When the son of the owner says he wishes he had the power to fire Matt Millen, it proves that your team is horrible, horrible, horrible. Oh yeah, lost to the 49ers.
• GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY! The Chiefs lost again, this time to the Falcons.
• The Bengals, who lost in OT to the Giants
• The Browns, who didn't bother showing up against Baltimore.
• And the Texans, who lost to the Titans.

My picks panned out quite well...9-3-4, with my upset pick of the Jags turning out to be quite good. Overall standings, currently excluding the postponed Baltimore/Houston game, is 17-8-6.

WEEK FOUR....NOW WITH BYES!

BYEEES: Lions, Colts, Dolphins, Patriots, Giants, Seahawks. The Lions retain Turd status, as they're a pile of shit even when they're not playing. The other five are playing, but whom?

• Falcons vs. Panthers. A battle of 2-1 teams. I think the Panthers will bounce back.
• Browns vs. Bengals. An automatic Plunge goes to the winner of this game. The Browns have show ineptitude so far, so give it to the Bengals.
• Texans vs. Jaguars. The Jaguars just got Plunged, but will Houston be as lucky this week? Nah. Jags.
• Broncos vs. Chiefs. GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY!, what an upset it would be were the Chefs to win. But not this time. Broncos, and this time they actually win by a bunch.
• 49ers vs. Saints. San Fran has been a surprise so far. New Orleans, not so much. Another win for the team from the Bay.
• Cardinals vs. Jets. Welcome to the Old Fart Bowl, with Kurt Warner taking on Brett Favre. The edge will go to the Man in Green. Jets.
• Packers vs. Buccaneers. Ted Thompson said he'd give Aaron Rodgers a contract extension by Week Eight if he played well. The Packers promptly lost to Dallas. Apparently, Ted Thompson must be a big Brewers fan. Buccaneers.
• Vikings vs. Titans. Blehh....but I'm going to avoid a take yer pick stance, so go with the Titans.
• Chargers vs. Raiders. Who gives a shit? Will Lane Kiffin still be coach? Is anybody going to watch? Chargers.
• Bills vs. Rams. Hah hah frickin' hah! Bills.
• Redskins vs. Cowboys. Ain't done an upset pick yet...so here it is. Redskins.
• SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY, FAITH HILL!! Eagles vs. Bears. Dull, dull, dull. Wait, the FOX lineup is new! New Family Guy! Eagles.
• MONDAY NIGHT.....Ravens vs. Steelers. Interesting game. The Steelers have been a bit weaker than they've been, and I think the Ravens will win.

Toilet Bowl, Week Two

And I'm on time for once!!!

To put things straight, let's see how many teams got the Plunge....

• Washington, get your Plunger!! The Redskins rallied to beat the Saints.
• You too, San Fran! The 49ers won in overtime against their fellow Turds from Seattle.
• And a Plunger for Tampa Bay! The Buccaneers got on the win column by beating the Falcons.
• And the Oakland Raiders (?!?) Yes, they got a Plunge against the Chefs.....aw, GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY!
• And finally, an obvious plunge for Peyton and his fellow Colts, although the Plunger looked like it was headed for Minnesota early in the game.

And that leaves us with an impressive eleven Turd Teams remaining in the Toilet Bowl. And heeeere they are!

• The Seahawks, see San Fran's Plunge for details
• The pathetic Rams, who got mauled by Eli and the Giants.
• The Lions, who very nearly pulled off an upset against Green Bay. However, the Packer D stepped up big time in the waning moments of the game and kept Detroit in the Bowl.
• Ditto the Vikings, who lost to the Colts despite leading 15-0.
• GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY!, it's the Chiefs, who lost to the Raiders of all teams.
• A major surprise is the Chargers....yes, I bleed Denver Broncos orange and blue, but even I found that to be a crappy call at the end. But a loss is a loss.
• The Bengals, who lost to the Titans.
• The Browns, who lost a squeaker to the Steelers.
• Those perennial shitheads, the Dolphins, who were utterly wasted by the Cardinals(!)
• The Jaguars, who lost to the Bills
• And it's not really their fault, but the Houston Texans are here. Of course, considering the events in Houston, football is the least of their problems.

MY RECORD WITH PICKS...I was 8-5-3. Although if you factor in the bye the Ravens and Texans got, it'd be 8-5-2.

WEEK THREE SKED:

• Chiefs vs. Falcons. GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY! Get used to reading that. Falcons.
• Raiders vs. Bills. I'd never thought I'd see the day when the Raiders wouldn't be in bold this early. Bills.
• Buccaneers vs. Bears. Da Bears still suck. Buccaneers.
• Panthers vs. Vikings. Hmmm....I'll go with Panthers.
• Dolphins vs. Patriots. I laugh. I laugh at the potential one-sidedness of this game. Patriots.
• Bengals vs. Giants. It's Eli versus Chad StupidAssDumbFucker. In other news, there's no way the NFL would let you put that name on a jersey. Giants.
• Texans vs. Titans. Here's yer upset pick...the Texans.
• Cardinals vs. Redskins. No friggin' idea. Take yer pick.
• Saints vs. Broncos. Hopefully the zebras won't be premature with the whistles this time. Broncos!
• Lions vs. 49ers. Meh. Take yer pick.
• Rams vs. Seahawks. Well, there's gonna be an automatic Plunge. Survey SAYS!! Seahawks.
• Browns vs. Ravens. Bleh...Ravens.
• Jaguars vs. Colts. Trap game! Trap game! Jags in an upset.
• Steelers vs. Eagles. The Keystone State battle. Take yer pick.
• NOTE TO SELF, TUNE IN ABOUT TWENTY AFTER INSTEAD OF A QUARTER AFTER...IT'LL STOP THE ANEURYSMS: Cowboys vs. Packers. Yoiks. The only thing worse than the possibility of Terrell Assbag Owens acting like his usual shithead self at Lambeau is the fact that the Brewers have decided to start their annual free-fall stinkup. Sorry, but I'm gonna have to go with the Cowboys.
• IT'S THE TOP GEAR FINALE ALREADY? OH, COCK!!: Jets vs. Chargers. I can either watch The Hamster get pwned by some bulls, or Brett Fave going nuts out West. The choice is simple, then....watch the Brewers get their asses kicked again. Take yer pick.

It's Time Once Again for the Salute to the NFL's Shittiest Teams!!

That's right, bitches, it be Toilet Bowl time!!

As you'll recall, for the past few years while others do that fantasy stuff and try to pick the best players out there, we here at BlanketyBlog strive to find the polar opposite. That's why the creation originally known as the Doughnut Derby started in 2006. Every week I showcased the NFL teams sporting 0-for-whatever records, and the winner (er, loser?) was the last team to win a game.

The first Derby was "won" by the Oakland Raiders, who by Week Five were the only winless team.

In 2007, the contest regenerated into the BlanketyBlog Toilet Bowl, where the winless teams were referred to as Turd Teams, and a win would get them Plunged. The last team floating were the Miami Dolphins who went almost the whole damn season until they upset Baltimore.

So now we come to the First Week of Toilet Bowl 2008, and as per usual, we have sixteen Turds to start off with, and heeeeeere they are!:

• The Washington Redskins, who lost to the Giants on Opening Night
• The San Francisco 49ers, who lost to the Cardinals(!)
• The Seattle Seahawks, who got a rude welcome from the Bills
• The St. Louis Rams, who didn't bother showing up against the Eagles
• The Detroit Lions, who lost to the new-look Falcons
• The Minnesota Vikings, by five to the new-look Packers
• The Tampa Bay Buccaneers, in a squeaker against the Saints
• The Miami Dolphins (no surprise there), who lost to the new and Favre-improved Jets
• The Kansas City Chiefs (GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY!!) against the Patriots, although in the long run the Patriots suffered the bigger loss when Tom Brady went down
• The Oakland Raiders, once again the bitches of my Broncos (yaaaay!)
• The San Diego Chargers, upset by the Panthers
• The Cincinnati Bengals, with their new WR Chad StupidAssDumbFucker who did jack crap against the Ravens
• The Cleveland Browns, in a laugher to the Cowboys
• The Houston Texans (once again, no surprise) to the Steelers
• The shocker Turd, the Indianapolis Colts, to the fucking Bears of all teams!
• The Jacksonville Jaguars, against the Titans

Looking at the teams, BlanketyBlog forecasts that the Miami Dolphins will defend their Toilet Bowl crown. Let's see how this week's matchups stack up:

• Bears vs. Panthers. Da Bears suck. Panthers.
• Titans vs. Bengals. Seeing as how the Vince Young situation has evolved, the Titans may be affected by poor play as a results. Bengals.
• Packers vs. Lions. Hah. Hah hah freakin' hah. Packers.
• Bills vs. Jaguars. The Bills could be a surprise team, but then again they say that about the Bills every year. Jaguars.
• Raiders vs. Chiefs. GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY, an automatic Plunge! I say it'll be the Chefs.
• Colts vs. Vikings. Shit, another Plunge! I cannot see Peyton Manning start the year 0-2. Colts.
• Giants vs. Rams. Eli's comin'! Giants.
• Saints vs. Redskins. Hmmm....you can take yer pick on this one.
• 49ers vs. Seahawks. I'll be damned, another guaranteed Plunge. 49ers in an upset.
• Falcons vs. Buccaneers. Meh. Falcons.
• Dolphins vs. Cardinals. Will I pick the Dolphins? Computer says "no!" Cards.
• Ravens vs. Texans. No friggin' way. Take yer pick.
• Chargers vs. Broncos. Duh, Broncos.
• Patriots vs. Jets. Ooooooooh. Jets in a major upset.
• OH FUCK ME, NOT THAT FAITH HILL SONG AGAIN!! Steelers vs. Browns. This'll be one-sided, in favor of the Steelers.
• AND HANK WILLIAMS JR. ONCE AGAIN SINKS FURTHER INTO RUINS FOR ANOTHER SEASON. OTOH, TOP GEAR IS ON SO I WON'T BE LACKING ANYTHING TO WATCH: Cowboys vs. Eagles. I could give a shit. Take yer pick.